depression: is medication a safe way to escape reality?

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Okay, I've edited several times, but your responses have been informative.

See the conclusion I've added to my previous post, but I think that what needs to happen is for you to learn how to balance your ideals, which are wonderful, with your ability to bring them to fulfillment. You don't necessarily need drugs to fulfill that, but you shouldn't feel ashamed if you have no other recourse.

The thing is, the creative mind has a propensity to break old connections and try to search out new ones. This is kind of like the opposite of insanity, in a way, but it can turn into its own kind of insanity, which is a sort of creative depression. Vincent van Gogh arguably had this problem.

It's very interesting to read about, but the trick to it is understanding glutamate, which is the main excitory neurohormone. There are certain receptors for it in particular that, if they are being overstimulated by glutamate, it leaves your mind almost TOO flexible for its own good. The opposite of this is being too rigid: have you ever noticed how people who are as crazy as they can be are often really terribly unimaginative? That's why. You on the other hand have enough imagination to form new ideas, but they lack a sense of being SOLID to you. It's like being in a world full of ghosts. Haunted.

So being the least bit contented is really a balancing act that takes a lot of energy to get just right. Most people can't do it very well, and they often tend to err on the side of "rigid." I hate to say it, but there is no way around this: being remotely sane is a lot of work, especially for some of us.

You'd probably benefit from drugs similar to ketamine.

It seems to me that while you have good cause to be depressed, meds could still help you. They won't lower your IQ (I was very afraid of that myself) but they will help to lower the depression and anxiety. It's not so simple as the meds stop you from seeing life as it really is... you'll still see your life as it is, but the obstacles won't seem as overwhelming, and you'll find it easier to cope with your day to day problems.

Since I've been on the right meds (and I would like to make it clear, they need to be the right meds for you) I've been seeing life a lot more realistically. Mind you, I wasn't just depressed, I'm schizoaffective. But what I thought was reality has turned out not to be, and I'm much better able to function than I was before I finally accepted help. I was worried the meds would be like some kind of mental straight jacket, but in fact they've been freeing.

On the other hand, you could always become an extremist.

I really do understand what you're going through (or at least what you're communicating to us), but having been there myself, I don't think "escaping" reality is the best approach to depression. I know it often seems like the only way you'll ever feel any better, but it's not. I have "escaped" reality many times, and it's only ever hurt me more. However, it might be worthwhile for you to try medication. Most medications will not alter your reality, but simply your perspective on reality (if it's the right medication for you) and having a different perspective will make it possible for you to heal. Do keep in mind, though, that not every medication is right for everyone, and you might have to try several before you find one that works for you. Good luck.

Thanks. By coincidence I was prescribed my first ever antidepressants today. And my doctor signed me off work, which means my boss will hate me even more (she's closed down my place of work tomorrow, blaming me - no pressure there then)

That's pretty sorry on her part. Bosses doghouse anyone different or just nonperfect.

I was way into academic ethics (motive utilitarianism was my favorite theory) in my mid twenties. I really thought I would help change the world in a very positive way.

Well, people just weren't that interested. They certainly don't want a theory that questions how they do things.

Philosophy itself, because of a massive shortage of jobs, had a lot of oneupsmanship.

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Okay, there are some openings. With some of my journalistic writing, I now assume my reader is slightly smarter than I am. They just don't happen to know the particular thing I'm talking about. So, I don't need to do anything fancy. Perhaps I should have figured this out earlier. But, what it is, is what it is. I figure it out when I do.

I've heard that Beethoven's 9th is nonperfect, and all kinds of other really good artwork, too, a little flawed around the edges, a few rough spots---and better because of that!

I like the idea of ping-ponging back and forth between theory and practice. And this can also be done in conversation and intellectual dialogue.

And, people seem to like it, or it seems to pique their interest when there's a controversy between schools of thoughts and/or personalities.

My personal experience is that anti-depressants don't do anything. They certainly don't numb the brain, but scientifically they are in fact no better than enhanced placebos (that is, placebos that give side-effects), something which has conveniently been covered up by the companies that make them. Placebos don't work on me (even long before I had any inkling that the whole thing was a sham scientifically), but if you think they might work on you they are worth a try as the side effects are not too severe. They do do something to the Serotonin system obviously, but whether this actually has any relationship to depression is extremely debatable.

Antipsychotics on the other hand do numb the brain. In fact they slow everything down, and if you realise from a biological perspective what they actually do, you wouldn't go anywhere near them. They reduce dopamine (and in fact a lot of other neurotransmitters too) to such an extent that everything becomes boring and trivial and you end up eating loads obsessively to get some type of stimulation. I also temporarily lost aspects of my personality that I appreciate including will power, motivation, analytical skills etc. These do have serious side-effects which are often long-term and I am convinced they have reduced my IQ - certainly whilst on them, but since the second time when I was on two different ones for 5 months each, I have had huge problems concentrating and feel a lot more depersonalised than I ever did before taking them - this is now after years drug free.

That's sort of why I have avoided them until now. I'm sure there are people with injured chemical pathways, for whom chemical fixes are just the job, but every depressed person I have ever personally known (myself included) has very clear and obvious reasons for their depression.

But as I come to accept that I may be unable to change those things (mainly economic), I figure that chemicals are worth a try.

Mmm I have had great success with antidepressants. I had severe panic attacks, constant terrorizing anxiety, constant vomiting and moderate depression. Personally, I don't think a placebo would have helped me. In all reality, everyone responds differently to SSRIs, for example, the prescription did little to help me with OCD. However, they are worth at least a try.

@merrymadscientist
Antipsychotics don't actually reduce dopamine. They block the receptors (D1-D5) on post-synaptic neurons, preventing dopamine molecules from binding to those receptors and depolarizing said neurons excessively. As a general rule of thumb, neurotransmitters are never supplemented and concentrations are never altered through the use of medications (with the exception of MAOIs, which are rarely used nowadays).

Just to put my cards on the table, I do sometimes struggle with depression and am warming to the idea of anti-depressants (I have not yet tried them).

I am all with you here. And it seemed like your doctor failed in at least two ways, failed to inform you of this ahead of time in a real and meaningful way, and failed to use a lighter touch with the drugs and for a lesser period of time.

And I also appreciate your struggle with schizophrenia or other psychosis. For example, I understand that auditory hallucinations are a common symptom, and perhaps those of us on the outside might say it wouldn't be that big a deal. But I think it's probably an entirely different matter to live with it.