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Bipolar, Tourettes, Schizophrenia, and other Psychological Conditions
I think I have depression...:'(
05 May 2012, 4:24 pm
KnarlyDUDE09 wrote:
I'm going to try to keep this short, as I don't feel like typing much, right now...
I hate my life...
I'm always depressed, and I always burst out crying at random moments, when I'm left alone...
Just before, I had been lying on my floor crying hysterically for about 20 minutes and feeling numb...
All these feelings and emotions have been frequently occurring every few days/weeks, for nearly two years...
Nobody notices the way I am because I'm not very good at expressing my emotions...
WHAT SHOULD I DO? :'(
I hate my life...
I'm always depressed, and I always burst out crying at random moments, when I'm left alone...
Just before, I had been lying on my floor crying hysterically for about 20 minutes and feeling numb...
All these feelings and emotions have been frequently occurring every few days/weeks, for nearly two years...
Nobody notices the way I am because I'm not very good at expressing my emotions...
WHAT SHOULD I DO? :'(
Listen to good music, engage in different activities, don't think negative - and stop worrying too much.
Believe me - you will be alright without medications.
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05 May 2012, 6:51 pm
Dots wrote:
I was abused as a kid at home and bullied at school, but I don't think that "causes" every depressive episode I have.
I've been through a lot of therapy, have accepted that my childhood is not my fault (even more since my AS diagnosis), have a wonderful relationship with my mom, we love each other very much despite our checkered past.
But I still have bipolar disorder. I have healed my past, but I still get depressed. Sometimes there is no reason. Sometimes things can be going great but I feel like crap. Sometimes I have a manic or hypomanic episode and the depression comes after it. My last depression had a cause, I had just moved, was constantly in meltdown because of the change and the noise and the people. The one before it had no cause. My life was stable, I was trying to take care of myself, but slowly, things went bad.
It's the same with manic episodes. Sometimes they have a cause, like lack of sleep or poor diet. Sometimes they just happen, no matter how well I'm taking care of myself.
Both manic and depressive episodes are controlled by medication, at least for me. Since I've been on the right meds, I've been doing better, having fewer episodes. This isn't because of my childhood. This is because of a biochemical reaction that the medication helps to correct.
For all the things I've been through, I should logically be in the "blame the parents" camp. But I'm not. My childhood was hell. And yes, my parents are partly responsible for that. But out of all the possible parents I could have gotten, I ended up with some pretty great ones who were just flawed. There is no perfect parent. Every single child gets hurt in some way. Expecting parents to be superhuman is just setting yourself up for disappointment.
My parents did not cause my bipolar disorder by their actions. If they are in any way responsible, it's probably because of the genetics they gave me.
I've been through a lot of therapy, have accepted that my childhood is not my fault (even more since my AS diagnosis), have a wonderful relationship with my mom, we love each other very much despite our checkered past.
But I still have bipolar disorder. I have healed my past, but I still get depressed. Sometimes there is no reason. Sometimes things can be going great but I feel like crap. Sometimes I have a manic or hypomanic episode and the depression comes after it. My last depression had a cause, I had just moved, was constantly in meltdown because of the change and the noise and the people. The one before it had no cause. My life was stable, I was trying to take care of myself, but slowly, things went bad.
It's the same with manic episodes. Sometimes they have a cause, like lack of sleep or poor diet. Sometimes they just happen, no matter how well I'm taking care of myself.
Both manic and depressive episodes are controlled by medication, at least for me. Since I've been on the right meds, I've been doing better, having fewer episodes. This isn't because of my childhood. This is because of a biochemical reaction that the medication helps to correct.
For all the things I've been through, I should logically be in the "blame the parents" camp. But I'm not. My childhood was hell. And yes, my parents are partly responsible for that. But out of all the possible parents I could have gotten, I ended up with some pretty great ones who were just flawed. There is no perfect parent. Every single child gets hurt in some way. Expecting parents to be superhuman is just setting yourself up for disappointment.
My parents did not cause my bipolar disorder by their actions. If they are in any way responsible, it's probably because of the genetics they gave me.
I can relate to a lot of this, except I have unipolar depression.
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AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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08 May 2012, 4:35 pm
I'm actually in favor of medication. If someone has too little serotonin in the brain, what's wrong with a Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor (SSRI)? The problem is that it may not be the first one which works. It may be the 3rd, 5th, 6th, etc. And then there's SNRIs, I think Welbutrin may also bump up dopamine, etc.
And I kind of think it is better to see a regular doctor like an internist or family practitioner because a loosey-goosey approach of, if this one doesn't work let's try another, is entirely appropriate. I want a doctor who's open to tinkering and who realizes that's probably necessary, and not some guy or gal who's so impressed with being a genius.
(sometimes also important to step down from an antidepressant in stages even if it does not seem to be working)
09 May 2012, 4:19 am
snapcap wrote:
qwan wrote:
Maybe.
I know I always thought my parents hated me and it must have become a sort of 'everyone hates me' think when I'm very down.
My mom thinks it seems more like a personality disorder than mood disorder though. But I don't believe I have such a thing, and hate the idea because it feels like having a mood disorder is a way to say I can't be helped.
Not that I feel like there's a huge amount of help anyway... >.>
It's an insult to my personality to suggest such a thing though.
I repressed most of my childhood so only 'know' what people have told me, so I don't know what could have caused anything. But I don't believe it was particularly bad and I know I was suicidal from at least 5 years old.
I know I always thought my parents hated me and it must have become a sort of 'everyone hates me' think when I'm very down.
My mom thinks it seems more like a personality disorder than mood disorder though. But I don't believe I have such a thing, and hate the idea because it feels like having a mood disorder is a way to say I can't be helped.
Not that I feel like there's a huge amount of help anyway... >.>
It's an insult to my personality to suggest such a thing though.
I repressed most of my childhood so only 'know' what people have told me, so I don't know what could have caused anything. But I don't believe it was particularly bad and I know I was suicidal from at least 5 years old.
It's entirely possible that they raised you well enough that you were left confused about the shortfalls they left, so you couldn't really grasp the problems at hand. It's like hiding poison with love. It kills you but your friends and family don't reflect that it is, so you are just uncertain for a good amount of time, and by the time you figure it out, the damage has been done.
And that can lead to personality disorders, if the effects are you not being able to wholly function in society. How can you be confident when you weren't nurtured remotely correctly while growing up? How do you trust people when you you never really learned trust in your family while growing up, and you had no outlet anywhere else? How do you learn what appropriate love and caring is when you couldn't learn about it growing up?
Bottom line is some kids are the right match for their parents, and some parents don't need to be raising kids.
I really feel 99% of depression and anxiety cases are the fault of the parents, and they didn't quit exacerbating it, or didn't help mitigate the causes. For the most part kids aren't born that way.
I don't even think that psychologists and counselors readily point that out enough, that ultimately, the patient isn't flawed so much as the environment they were brought up in. Maybe they shouldn't? It could cause a lot more hostilities between family members.
I just spoke to my sister about my repressed memory and if she could give me any indication as to what our childhood was like, and she said I was treated the worst and she said she's not the best person to talk to, and that I would be better of speaking to a therapist. So now I'm not sure...
I thought things were pretty normal but I just had a bad memory so forgot it. Seems a bit hard to imagine there's actually something that was worth repressing. I think it was just an angry household and I got more of the violence because I was more difficult and have an unusually high pain threshold but who knows. =/
It's hard to say if that caused anything. The same sister doesn't think I have a mood disorder and that it's all from that too. o.o
09 May 2012, 1:21 pm
qwan wrote:
snapcap wrote:
qwan wrote:
Maybe.
I know I always thought my parents hated me and it must have become a sort of 'everyone hates me' think when I'm very down.
My mom thinks it seems more like a personality disorder than mood disorder though. But I don't believe I have such a thing, and hate the idea because it feels like having a mood disorder is a way to say I can't be helped.
Not that I feel like there's a huge amount of help anyway... >.>
It's an insult to my personality to suggest such a thing though.
I repressed most of my childhood so only 'know' what people have told me, so I don't know what could have caused anything. But I don't believe it was particularly bad and I know I was suicidal from at least 5 years old.
I know I always thought my parents hated me and it must have become a sort of 'everyone hates me' think when I'm very down.
My mom thinks it seems more like a personality disorder than mood disorder though. But I don't believe I have such a thing, and hate the idea because it feels like having a mood disorder is a way to say I can't be helped.
Not that I feel like there's a huge amount of help anyway... >.>
It's an insult to my personality to suggest such a thing though.
I repressed most of my childhood so only 'know' what people have told me, so I don't know what could have caused anything. But I don't believe it was particularly bad and I know I was suicidal from at least 5 years old.
It's entirely possible that they raised you well enough that you were left confused about the shortfalls they left, so you couldn't really grasp the problems at hand. It's like hiding poison with love. It kills you but your friends and family don't reflect that it is, so you are just uncertain for a good amount of time, and by the time you figure it out, the damage has been done.
And that can lead to personality disorders, if the effects are you not being able to wholly function in society. How can you be confident when you weren't nurtured remotely correctly while growing up? How do you trust people when you you never really learned trust in your family while growing up, and you had no outlet anywhere else? How do you learn what appropriate love and caring is when you couldn't learn about it growing up?
Bottom line is some kids are the right match for their parents, and some parents don't need to be raising kids.
I really feel 99% of depression and anxiety cases are the fault of the parents, and they didn't quit exacerbating it, or didn't help mitigate the causes. For the most part kids aren't born that way.
I don't even think that psychologists and counselors readily point that out enough, that ultimately, the patient isn't flawed so much as the environment they were brought up in. Maybe they shouldn't? It could cause a lot more hostilities between family members.
I just spoke to my sister about my repressed memory and if she could give me any indication as to what our childhood was like, and she said I was treated the worst and she said she's not the best person to talk to, and that I would be better of speaking to a therapist. So now I'm not sure...
I thought things were pretty normal but I just had a bad memory so forgot it. Seems a bit hard to imagine there's actually something that was worth repressing. I think it was just an angry household and I got more of the violence because I was more difficult and have an unusually high pain threshold but who knows. =/
It's hard to say if that caused anything. The same sister doesn't think I have a mood disorder and that it's all from that too. o.o
The problem might not be hidden by a repressed memory, it could very well be that you just can't add all the little events that added up to the outcome you have now.
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09 May 2012, 3:25 pm
snapcap wrote:
qwan wrote:
snapcap wrote:
qwan wrote:
[...]
The problem might not be hidden by a repressed memory, it could very well be that you just can't add all the little events that added up to the outcome you have now.
I'm not too sure what you mean by this.
Adding up the events? I don't recall any to add them up. =/
I never got bullied as a kid, I did well in school, I had friends, so I don't think there was much to be depressed about. Family life was obviously stressful but I've no idea why I can only remember like 4 trivial scenes from it. Or why I was suicidal from at least 5 years old.
And to be honest, by mood disorder has been evident from when I was in early childhood, so if there was any cause for it, it'd have dated back to then, which I won't remember. I remember two things from around that time. Waking up in the middle of the night and thinking I'd slept all day, and going downstairs and watching a film with my dad.
And seeing a smiley face toy in a shop window and wanting it, and my mom getting it.
I couldn't unpick those things to understand my mood disorder, if it is one. =/
I'm rather good at picking apart what's happened in recent years and how it's added or become triggers for my mood disorder, but they couldn't be called causes.
I don't know if I missed the point of what you were saying though.
I could talk to a therapist when they answer my bloody calls ¬_¬
but I don't know if I'll care much to do so, when the time comes. *shrugs*
09 May 2012, 4:03 pm
qwan wrote:
snapcap wrote:
qwan wrote:
snapcap wrote:
qwan wrote:
[...]
The problem might not be hidden by a repressed memory, it could very well be that you just can't add all the little events that added up to the outcome you have now.
I'm not too sure what you mean by this.
Adding up the events? I don't recall any to add them up. =/
I never got bullied as a kid, I did well in school, I had friends, so I don't think there was much to be depressed about. Family life was obviously stressful but I've no idea why I can only remember like 4 trivial scenes from it. Or why I was suicidal from at least 5 years old.
And to be honest, by mood disorder has been evident from when I was in early childhood, so if there was any cause for it, it'd have dated back to then, which I won't remember. I remember two things from around that time. Waking up in the middle of the night and thinking I'd slept all day, and going downstairs and watching a film with my dad.
And seeing a smiley face toy in a shop window and wanting it, and my mom getting it.
I couldn't unpick those things to understand my mood disorder, if it is one. =/
I'm rather good at picking apart what's happened in recent years and how it's added or become triggers for my mood disorder, but they couldn't be called causes.
I don't know if I missed the point of what you were saying though.
I could talk to a therapist when they answer my bloody calls ¬_¬
but I don't know if I'll care much to do so, when the time comes. *shrugs*
It might be entirely structural/chemical. Not every emotional problem comes from a severe trauma or traumas. I've had clinical depression episodes since I was a child, before I even knew what to call them. I just knew that I couldn't think well, I had no energy and I wanted to be left alone. I think I was misdiagnosed with thyroid problems and put on medication for a time. I've had my thyroid tested since then and it is well within normal limits.
Talk therapy might help. Meds might help too, although you will encounter a lot of different views about that in this forum.
09 May 2012, 6:01 pm
NTAndrew wrote:
qwan wrote:
snapcap wrote:
qwan wrote:
snapcap wrote:
qwan wrote:
[...]
The problem might not be hidden by a repressed memory, it could very well be that you just can't add all the little events that added up to the outcome you have now.
I'm not too sure what you mean by this.
Adding up the events? I don't recall any to add them up. =/
I never got bullied as a kid, I did well in school, I had friends, so I don't think there was much to be depressed about. Family life was obviously stressful but I've no idea why I can only remember like 4 trivial scenes from it. Or why I was suicidal from at least 5 years old.
And to be honest, by mood disorder has been evident from when I was in early childhood, so if there was any cause for it, it'd have dated back to then, which I won't remember. I remember two things from around that time. Waking up in the middle of the night and thinking I'd slept all day, and going downstairs and watching a film with my dad.
And seeing a smiley face toy in a shop window and wanting it, and my mom getting it.
I couldn't unpick those things to understand my mood disorder, if it is one. =/
I'm rather good at picking apart what's happened in recent years and how it's added or become triggers for my mood disorder, but they couldn't be called causes.
I don't know if I missed the point of what you were saying though.
I could talk to a therapist when they answer my bloody calls ¬_¬
but I don't know if I'll care much to do so, when the time comes. *shrugs*
It might be entirely structural/chemical. Not every emotional problem comes from a severe trauma or traumas. I've had clinical depression episodes since I was a child, before I even knew what to call them. I just knew that I couldn't think well, I had no energy and I wanted to be left alone. I think I was misdiagnosed with thyroid problems and put on medication for a time. I've had my thyroid tested since then and it is well within normal limits.
Talk therapy might help. Meds might help too, although you will encounter a lot of different views about that in this forum.
I'm under the impression it's just me.
I have been doing various types of talk therapy since I was 7. Counselling normally ends with them saying I should go to someone with more knowledge on mental health. And those lot normally say they think I know more than enough; we end up talking about me like I'm a case study we're working on together. Which in a way is true, but leaves them feeling I don't need their help. So I'm always in and out of it due to them.
Meds seem to make my depression a bit better but my mood swings worse.
It's hard to say if meds work in general with me, everything is always up in the air when it concerns my moods really =/
I don't think I've had a huge trauma personally, but with the way my sister and mom have tiptoed around the subject it makes me wonder lol
10 May 2012, 2:13 pm
qwan wrote:
snapcap wrote:
qwan wrote:
snapcap wrote:
qwan wrote:
[...]
The problem might not be hidden by a repressed memory, it could very well be that you just can't add all the little events that added up to the outcome you have now.
I'm not too sure what you mean by this.
Adding up the events? I don't recall any to add them up. =/
I never got bullied as a kid, I did well in school, I had friends, so I don't think there was much to be depressed about. Family life was obviously stressful but I've no idea why I can only remember like 4 trivial scenes from it. Or why I was suicidal from at least 5 years old.
And to be honest, by mood disorder has been evident from when I was in early childhood, so if there was any cause for it, it'd have dated back to then, which I won't remember. I remember two things from around that time. Waking up in the middle of the night and thinking I'd slept all day, and going downstairs and watching a film with my dad.
And seeing a smiley face toy in a shop window and wanting it, and my mom getting it.
I couldn't unpick those things to understand my mood disorder, if it is one. =/
I'm rather good at picking apart what's happened in recent years and how it's added or become triggers for my mood disorder, but they couldn't be called causes.
I don't know if I missed the point of what you were saying though.
I could talk to a therapist when they answer my bloody calls ¬_¬
but I don't know if I'll care much to do so, when the time comes. *shrugs*
I'm just saying that what can make you depressed and anxious from an early age didn't have to come from repressed memories. I'm not speaking about your particular situation, just in general.
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OliveOilMom
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11 May 2012, 2:08 am
I've had depression for years. It comes and goes and when it starts getting bad I go back on my antidepressants. They help me a lot, and I'd suggest them for anyone who is having trouble with depression.
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