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Bipolar, Tourettes, Schizophrenia, and other Psychological Conditions
Suicide Ideas
12 Nov 2012, 3:50 am
Suicide often has extreme negative effects on those around the victim. The tendency for suicides to "cluster" strongly suggests that committing suicide may induce those around you to do the same.
Suicide is not poetic. If you're thinking about how others will view you, your motivation may not be death per se. You may have more success with suicidal gestures than with a serious attempt.
12 Nov 2012, 7:21 am
when i was younger and i considered various methods of suicide, i came to the conclusion that if ever i committed suicide, it would be by bludgeoning myself to death with a blunt object.
when i turned 30, i came up with a better idea. i decided i would kill myself in a drive by shooting.
i was very unlucky in that quest because every time i drove by my house, i was not at home!!
(that is another example of my chronic bad luck because i am home 98% of the time.)
but on the other hand i was lucky i was out at the time otherwise i would be dead now.
13 Nov 2012, 1:16 pm
JBO wrote:
wcoltd wrote:
I find myself in a situation where I am not much good to anybody. I have been diagnosed with schizophrenia or Schizoaffective disorder, I no longer have friends, I'm 24 and living with my parents. I work at Walmart as a cart pusher. I have never had a girlfriend and have no desire to get one. My life consists of pushing carts, working at a cash register, watching youtube videos, and eating footlong tuna Subway sandwiches.
You do realize you just described a pretty big chunk of the population (minus the schizophrenia part)? All most people do is eat, sleep, work, and watch mindless TV. Don't be so hard on yourself because you aren't a lawyer or something. I like what IdahoRose said above, "The way I see it, is you're letting society's definition of "having a life" guilt you into thinking yours doesn't matter. You're basically living the same lifestyle as I am, yet I don't want to kill myself. This is because I realized that living comfortably and doing what I know is best for me and what makes me happy is all that matters."
Quote:
I want to kill myself because I'm a burden to everyone around me.
You don't have friends, you don't have a girlfriend... Who are you a burden to, then, your parents? If you were that much of a burden to them, they would have kicked you out. I don't know your parents so I'm speculating here, but I suspect that, like 90% of people who have kids, they love you and want you to have the best life you can. They would probably rather deal with whatever burden you put on them than face the alternative of you being homeless or dead.
Quote:
My brain is messed up, I'm talking to myself, lost in my own thoughts, I am unable to function at the same level as other people. I see my life and its been this downward spiral ever since I was 19. I will be homeless when my parents die.
So your brain is messed up. You're able to articulate your thoughts very well on the internet, at least. You are obviously a smart guy beneath whatever issues you have to deal with. The simple fact that you're able to hold down a job means you are better off than many people mentally. You hopefully have some time before your parents die. You'll figure something out before that happens if you keep at it.
Quote:
If you have schizophrenia like I do, your life doesn't have meaning, there's not a whole lot of good you can do while living.
How do you define "meaning"? And also consider that everyone will die, their name will be forgotten, the human race will become extinct, the sun will go out and the universe will do whatever it does. In that sense, everyone's life is meaningless anyways.
What sort of "good" do you wish you could do?
wcoltd wrote:
I think though I'm drawn to suicide almost as this poetic, or romantic thing, its like a calling. I think about it a lot. I imagine how others will take the news of my death, I imagine how they would feel about it. I imagine my old friends at my funeral. I imagine the blood running down my neck, I imagine the story in the paper.
I wouldn't think about suicide as such a poetic thing. Have you ever had someone close to you die? It's amazing that someone can die and the world just keeps on turning like nothing happened. The day you kill yourself the birds will still sing outside your window in the morning, the sun will come up, people will drive to work and go about their days. Even people close to you won't have their lives altered much, if at all. Only a handful of people will notice or care that you're gone, and soon enough you'll be forgotten. This is what happens whenever anyone dies. A handful of people are sad for a little while and then they move on with their lives.
Your death is only a big deal to YOU because YOU'RE the one who ceases to exist. Everyone else just stops to reflect for a minute, and then carries on as usual.
You've given me a lot to think about and an interesting perspective. Maybe I wouldn't be so optimistic if I walked a mile in your shoes, but from your posts it seems like you still have a lot going for you.
There's this break, some may attribute it to lazyness, some may say there's something wrong with me. That it seems as thought I ought to be capable of so much more than what I tend to accomplish. It comes from a struggle between apathy and ambition, where my ambitions change. I set out to do something with the fullness of my conviction, and somehow my mind changes and decides to do something else. As if something inside me changed in that short period of time. Everytime I change my mind it solidifies that there is either something wrong with me, or that what I think are my thoughts, are my decisions, are not really mine. They are just decisions or thoughts that I encounter, that I am watching - as it were - on a television.
It's as if my mind has learned how to entertain itself, and therefore no longer requires external stimuli, My ability to notice things becomes blunted, my senses are numbed.
My problem is there is no compelling reason to live. I've been living for the hell of it for the last six months. There is nothing to come home to, I don't play games. My mind has become so good at entertaining itself, I know longer am able to be entertained by anything else.
There is no escape from this damn television, it plays while I sleep, while I watch T.V. While I read, while I'm at work, while I meditate.
This is my problem, I am overly entertained by my own thoughts. I play out roles and talk to myself, roleplaying, fantasizing. And it seems every time I do that, it seems my brain is trying to maximize emotional impact. Suicide seems to be just a fantasy for me. They are just thoughts and ideas that I have. All I have concluded is that if I do kill myself, I'll make sure that my organs are donated.
13 Nov 2012, 1:31 pm
b9 wrote:
when i was younger and i considered various methods of suicide, i came to the conclusion that if ever i committed suicide, it would be by bludgeoning myself to death with a blunt object.
when i turned 30, i came up with a better idea. i decided i would kill myself in a drive by shooting.
i was very unlucky in that quest because every time i drove by my house, i was not at home!!
(that is another example of my chronic bad luck because i am home 98% of the time.)
but on the other hand i was lucky i was out at the time otherwise i would be dead now.
when i turned 30, i came up with a better idea. i decided i would kill myself in a drive by shooting.
i was very unlucky in that quest because every time i drove by my house, i was not at home!!
(that is another example of my chronic bad luck because i am home 98% of the time.)
but on the other hand i was lucky i was out at the time otherwise i would be dead now.
It's funny you mention that, bizaare ways of committing suicide. The first time I tried to kill myself, I smoked a cigar, drank a bunch of whisky and decided I would kill myself by running myself to death.
I ran 17 miles in 45 degree farenheit weather in the middle of the night wearing nothing but shorts and a T-shirt. I lied down on the side of the road, then walked and jogged back the next day making it late to Physics class.
I wrote a character - a famous movie producer - who reads a script and makes the following press conference.
This is the greatest goddamn script I have ever read! I will make this into the greatest goddamn movie you will ever see! Should I fail in this attempt, I will hire an assasin to kill me in and at a time and place I least suspect.
14 Nov 2012, 7:33 am
wcoltd wrote:
b9 wrote:
when i was younger and i considered various methods of suicide, i came to the conclusion that if ever i committed suicide, it would be by bludgeoning myself to death with a blunt object.
when i turned 30, i came up with a better idea. i decided i would kill myself in a drive by shooting.
i was very unlucky in that quest because every time i drove by my house, i was not at home!!
(that is another example of my chronic bad luck because i am home 98% of the time.)
but on the other hand i was lucky i was out at the time otherwise i would be dead now.
when i turned 30, i came up with a better idea. i decided i would kill myself in a drive by shooting.
i was very unlucky in that quest because every time i drove by my house, i was not at home!!
(that is another example of my chronic bad luck because i am home 98% of the time.)
but on the other hand i was lucky i was out at the time otherwise i would be dead now.
It's funny you mention that, bizaare ways of committing suicide. The first time I tried to kill myself, I smoked a cigar, drank a bunch of whisky and decided I would kill myself by running myself to death.
I ran 17 miles in 45 degree farenheit weather in the middle of the night wearing nothing but shorts and a T-shirt. I lied down on the side of the road, then walked and jogged back the next day making it late to Physics class.
i can not wait. i was not serious. i am sorry if i have elicited a personal response from you that may be more serious than my post. i am happy to follow my grand canyon of routines for as long as i can live.
wcoltd wrote:
I wrote a character - a famous movie producer - who reads a script and makes the following press conference.
This is the greatest goddamn script I have ever read! I will make this into the greatest goddamn movie you will ever see! Should I fail in this attempt, I will hire an assasin to kill me in and at a time and place I least suspect.
This is the greatest goddamn script I have ever read! I will make this into the greatest goddamn movie you will ever see! Should I fail in this attempt, I will hire an assasin to kill me in and at a time and place I least suspect.
there is nothing absurd or self defeating in what you wrote, so i will consider it to be not worthy of an absurd response.
i do not imagine myself in a position of greatness when i think of things, and i just look on as an audience member to what i say and think, so i can not imagine my thoughts being celebrated in any way by other people.
i think suicide is just a thing that silly people commit, and i am sad for people who end their life, but i will stay until i am forced by nature to go away.
why would someone describe your script with the words "god damned" if they liked it? who knows. i did not like your script, but i would not say that it is damned by god even though i do not like it. some other people think they have the "taste of god" in their appraisals, and they may condemn or praise your words based upon their mind sets, but i have no opinion about your post, so that is my reply.
i was simply trying to be humerous and i did not wish to invite a reply due to the fact that i am not in your world of spontaneity.
14 Nov 2012, 6:49 pm
Quote:
i never tried to kill myself. i want to find out what it it feels like to be 90 and older.
i can not wait. i was not serious. i am sorry if i have elicited a personal response from you that may be more serious than my post. i am happy to follow my grand canyon of routines for as long as i can live
i can not wait. i was not serious. i am sorry if i have elicited a personal response from you that may be more serious than my post. i am happy to follow my grand canyon of routines for as long as i can live
I misinterpreted.
You want to find out what its like to be 90? stop taking calcium and take muscle relaxants that'll cause you to lose control of you bowels.
