Say Something Random: psychological Conditions Version

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Yes it is you're right

I've got a knot in my stomach that I just can't undo. I'm sick of smoking weed to alleviate the problem so I'm having a weed free day until later on because I'm tired of being high all the time but at the same time I'm tired of this knot as well.

Not only that but I'm sh*tting like a new born baby. At least three times a day and I'm pretty sure it's to do with the level of anxiety I'm experiencing.

I've made an appointment with the doctor just in case it's something else.

Weed can cause anxiety for some people, and can have anti-anxiety effects for other people.

For me, some strains of weed make me paranoid and anxious.

Yeah I don't think it works for everyone

And to make matters worse I self harmed the other week and I may have caused internal damage so I'm gonna have to see about that when I see my doctor

^ That’s really tough. I hope your appointment goes well.

The past few days I’ve felt like I was descending into a dark abyss. It’s been weird. Well, I encountered a trigger which triggered a memory or a facet of one that was out of focus.

Every morning I wake up panicky. It’s not a great start to the day.

I become surer and surer that I may have BPD

I have likes and dislikes and some ideals and a name and things like that, but I don't feel like it has a sum of a cohesive 'person' at all, but a failed jumbled-up construct of one. What does it mean the have a sense of self? What does it mean to be a person?

babybird and TwighlightPrincess sending you lots of positive vibes and squeeze hugs (the only kind I can give.)

I want to be divorced already. 2 1/2 years is enough. F@ck him for holding me hostage. I WANT MY FREEDOM!

i keep feeling like i'm broken

I do not know.
Whatever autism cannot explain just mostly lines up with emotional neglect or even CPTSD.

What CPTSD or emotional neglect cannot explain yet will interfere further in which ways autism somehow can explain -- are the behaviors and reasoning that everyone is well intended but are very mismatched and misinformed.


Most accounts are usually "both-both" overlapping; between being autistic and the circumstances to which one would end up dealing with emotional neglect.

My own account is... "both-either" in which parts of respective accounts can resonate but never the whole picture.
I can only deduce that there is an emotional and social divide, one of which that cannot be explained by the common circumstances that most autistics go through emotional neglect.


I think one of the most recent realizations I have is simply splitting down the line between the template of what pro-social behavior should look like from being emotionally healthy even further than I already knew within this culture I have to put up with.


What frustrates me is the lack of other accounts or anecdotes to such particular detail.

The story that I have to figure it all, all by myself. Because no one else can -- in ways that nothing is preferred than a series of wrongs or dissonance from others out of sheer misunderstanding.

The adage of 'no therapy is better than bad therapy' -- this is how my story runs so far.
No help is better than a help that does nothing but interfere or ruin everything.

Sure I need help but...
Could they?
I'm not afraid of asking for help. But I'm so tired of ignorance and everyone's inability to understand me, as much as they tried and as much as they even want to.


If I ever need any help...
I need a neuroaffirming professional aide and nothing less.
While they're all nice, all inclusive... And there's nothing neuroaffirming from where I came from, and I've been waiting for decades.


My family failed.
My sped teacher failed.
Just anyone who ought to understand me better than most failed.

Communicating anything to them about this particular problem is impossible -- because of the damn world they only know.

So I'm looking further and further away from them... Because they don't get it.

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Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

It's mad how someone can say something completely innocent, with no malicious intent and even probably to 99.9% of people it would seem perfectly innocent as well yet to that 1% of the population it can be an absolute trigger.

This just happened to me. Someone said something that is just a normal run of the mill phrase and I'm triggered. I mean I'm not going nuts or anything but I was transported back to a dark place for 10 seconds or so.

It was no one on this site btw