Anyone with Alexithymia?

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I'm trying.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

I'm trying .

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

Argh, I'm getting this yet again with goodbyes.
I dislike and avoid goodbyes, not because I find separation from others upsetting, but because I don't.
I've seen a certain caseworker every week for probably two years, and they are shortly leaving. And I just know they want to do the whole proverbial song and dance of saying goodbye and wishing me well and saying something that's supposed to be meaningful. And I know they will expect something from me emotionally that is not there. They never accepted that I am alexithymic and I honestly don't care, so they'll be expecting some form of emotional investment.
I'd rather we just went about our business as usual, then just parted ways without a word. They are getting another job, our association is over, that's all there is to it, nothing more.
I find this expected emotional reaction so awkward and embarrassing I'd rather just not do it.

wait wait wait i still don't understand what Alexithymia is, is that identifying emotions in other people or in yourself?

"Alexithymia is a personality construct characterized by the sub-clinical inability to identify and describe emotions in the self." - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexithymia

http://eqi.org/alexi.htm

I've come to realize in the past six months that this is another thing I can add to the list of things I deal with.

In retrospect, it probably helped me out as a child since during my darkest of days I would always get up out of bed each day in the spirit of Al Jarreau's "Mornin'". I never got depressed because my brain simply wasn't processing all the negative things that happened to me in an emotional context.

I had always wondered my parents recorded dumbo off the TV for me to watch way back when I was six years old. Today I realized it was because they wanted me to have something to get hope from since they saw how miserable and unhappy I was. I just didn't know it!