Bipolar/Aspergers support and chat thread

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Still not diagnosed, medicated, whatever.

Yelling at people between very brief creative periods and mild hallucinations has become common place.

Just went through bipolar's first Christmas and now experiencing bipolar's first birthday. Naw, how sweet. By that I mean it's my first Christmas/birthday with this disorder. I'm overcoming a depressive episode and well have no choice but to soldier on and be surrounded by people on my birthday.

The people in this country can't seem to see the effects of alcohol as a negative thing. I am beginning to see it though.

I almost feel bad posting this, but I think I may finally be finding stability. And it's a relief.

My psych is worried that the Sertaline/Zoloft hasn't had the full time to take effect yet, and it's going to cause a manic episode even with the sodium valproate/depakote. I'm slightly worried as well. All the other SSRI medications I've been on have made my mood swing really fast, or have set me into an agitated, irritated mania.

Nothing much to report, just another low mood. A couple of days ago when I couldn't deal with mixed episodes mainly triggered by excessive drinking I decided to have more drinks and pills and you know what happens; that feel good mania about how everything is just great and the world is finally working out until very small irritations seep in and then you find yourself crying yourself to sleep.

I've decided to cut my drinking and once I get some free time go to a lot of effort to find a new psychiatrist, and begin avoiding those things that trigger me into mania. Anything possibly could but there are some things that are worse than others.

My CPN think zoloft is making me hypomanic. Apparently I was talking very quickly, jumpy, could not sit still, and unable to concentrate at our meeting yesterday.

So I have to see the psych again on Monday.

I went from a 3 day depression when occasionally I kept visualizing my own suicide and thought people hated me, to an almost full day of hypomania (energetic, creative, impulsive spender type) to a highly agitated hypomanic state today.

Today my brother is going to talk to me about seeing a psychiatrist. I hope he does tell me and this isn't just more false hope. I'm kind of under the impression that I may not be able to take care of my mental health on my own particularity when I have to change doctors. I wish people would get that.

Day 8 of hypomania. I feel a bit leveled out although maybe I'm just too used to this mood by now. I have had a few manic days last week. I'm worried about this turning into depression. I can't remember the last time hypomania lasted a whole week when I wasn't on Ritalin.

My brother has the name of a psychotherapist I could see but was going to tell her about me before I called. I'm not sure if it's a good idea to see a psychotherapist when I clearly need to be medicated. I'm hiding the fact I might have bipolar from him. I just don't want him to deny it.

I'm sinking into depression lately. I know I need to fight it by finding something to focus on, but one of the symptoms of depression is not being interested in any of your normal activities!

So I guess I will just force myself to play computer games, or watch a TV show or something.

Manic for 12 days and now I'm finally coming down from it. I want to distract myself but I'm struggling with my usual motivations. I just want to practice bass but it's kind of broken now so I can't play it. The one thing that could make me happy. Also, gig are coming up but I don't know which one to go to. I need a photo pass for one and I've not heard back from the band who are my friends regarding it. The next gig would involve flights and booking hotels in a city I've never been to before. I would need an extreme about of motivation and impuslivity to go but I don't have that anymore.

So I'm at a loss about what to do. I should just rest and face the thoughts that are yet to come. It's going to crush me but I've been running on turbo for almost two weeks.

Edit: I apologize if I was a complete a*** to people on the forum during my manic episode.

I'm definitely sinking more and more into depression. But I'm grateful that my cycles are fairly predictable (and oddly enough, follow the moon's cycle) – so I'm bound to start feeling better in a couple of weeks.

In the meantime I think I'm going to sign up for a month of World of Warcraft, to give me something happy to focus on. I'm having massive ADHD problems lately, and WoW is one of the only things that can hold my attention when I get like that!

Hi to everyone else in this thread... It's always a challenge, isn't it?!

I have an anxious skin crawling feeling that makes me want to burst into tears. I don't feel depressed but then I do. Mixed episodes are the worst but you're right, none of this lasts. I need to just keep myself busy like I've been doing for the past two weeks.
I think I'll go play some Iron Man 3 and Robo Cop has been pretty fun. I've only got them on my iPad.

Uhhh. It's gonna be a bad day.

I've been hypomanic for the past week or so (but didn't bother mentioning it here, because I was having too much fun doing other things!) But now it's swinging the other way, and my outlook is much more depressive.

I find it interesting how it affects my attitude toward replying to a forum post here on WP. This past week when I was hypomanic, I'd see a new topic and think "awesome, yeah, I can totally relate to that" – and would feel compelled to add my 2 cents, whether it was worth anything or not.

But now I look at new topics and I think "whatever; yes I can relate to this, but there's no real point in replying." And I just feel kind of zoned out and foggy and vague, like nothing really matters.