Say Something Random: psychological Conditions Version

Post Reply New Topic

I've always had this thing where I'm not paranoid that people are out to get me as such but I'm paranoid that people think that I'm out to get them. I wonder if there's a name for this or does it just come under paranoia.

It's like a double loopy whammy paranoidy type thing.

I'm gonna speak to my T about this tomorrow.

I think it stems back to when my mother always thought I was gonna harm her so she would get in first with her f*****g poison and whatever else she had up her sleeve. How on earth is any child supposed to survive this kind of sh*t and come out the other side as a good f*****g upstanding citizen in the world.

Its not everyone.

Its just the paranoid folks.

Theyre all out to get me!

Just because you can’t see them, doesn’t mean they aren’t watching you…

I'm not mad. It's been confirmed.

I've got a lot to absorb from today's therapy session. It's not easy to listen to his unofficial yet professional assessment of me so far even though I knew most of it anyway. It's still hard to hear someone kind of confirm it all.

I feel like I'm in some kind of metaphorical wasteland ATM. I need to find a way forward from all the f*****g destruction.

The main thing I took from it all was that I've done really well in staying out of prison all these years and even better in breaking the chain of abuse. I didn't know I had done that part but apparently I have.

Oh and I don't exhibit paranoia. I'll take that.

That will be a life long struggle for me unfortunately. I don't think there's really a cure for antisocialness when it's ingrained in your personality. That's the hard part.

I'm f*****g exhausted

It is pretty confronting when you hear conformation of what you kind of already knew. I didn’t think it would hit me as hard as it did. It’s only been a few months and I’m still trying to work out who I really am as a person. My T keeps telling me how resilient I am, but that’s just a word to me. I don’t feel resilient? I also didn’t manage to stay out of prison unfortunately, but that is over and done with, and I try not to think about it. It’s just going to take time and effort to sort through it all.

Yeah I've still got a lot of work to do.

Thanks for all your support both of youz

I feel guilty when I don't spend any time on my interests or hobbies (except the internet), and then feel frustrated when I do spend time on them but don't feel any real joy from them.