i think i have schizophrenia

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Hey, sometimes, actually, most of the times i feel like talking is some sort of obstacle i need to get over, especially with strangers, my friends, err, exfriends say i'm over thinking it, it seems they have all went along with their life but i'm still the same, still living at home several years after graduating highschool, it's not just talking, just feeling comfortable with myself, i say i used to be confident and popular, but i look back at that time in my life and chalk it up to, ignorance and false confidence, or just being a kid in general, now i constantly remind myself that what i'm going through is just reiterating to me that i am human for feeling this way, humans go through these motions and that's a good thing, i've almost all but given up on trying to make something out of myself, i keep the thought that i need to change so bottled because it drives me crazy so i change the topic, look at something, anything to not think about it, even going up to a store clerk and saying hey! how's it going is too much for me, i rationalize it as me being a dick or just a douche or creeper, so i don't say anything, i'll say hi or answer a question but rarely wantingly go into a conversation, there are so many different people in the world and so different are each persons stories, so i don't say anything for fear i'll offend someone, now that's i've lived this way for some years now i'm begining to see the effects it's having, sometimes i'll get treated like a unwanted person, or just have some person just drill into me just because they can and they know i won't say anything back, i don't stick up for myself because it's better to let the situation pass then dragging it out with needless fighting, i got a job last month setting up a new store, 40 hrs a week, this one black kid would not leave me alone, his jokes werent funny, and was just plain racist, i was one of the only white kids working there and every other coloured was cool except for this one kid, he would push and push and push me, not literally, but just the way he acted and talked he would come right for me and push me all throughout the day, then i find out every single person was working the store opening day except me, it hurt me but by this time i've had worse things done to me so i brushed it off, i don't know if it was because i was white or creepy or what but the manager didn't like me there told me to quit constantly, maybe they thought i would screw up the grand opening, anyways i showed up everyday on time worked the hardest there, i guess i had a bad attitude, but they would have just said something to me instead of having everyone see the schedule and know that i wasn't working that day, i was working really hard too for minimum wage, the whole job was a bust, it took me 35 minutes to drive there and i spent 9 hrs there a day, by the time food and gas was paid for i'd be making only 35$ a day when i'm normally used to income a lot higher.
i thought i changed and finally got to my old self again after losing a bunch of weight, seeing my abs again, and just all around more energy and talkative, my old friends would call me up, but, everyone was being nice to me, too nice, and shortly after i was washed away with niceness they pulled one on me, it ended up they were only being my friend again to mess with me, this time they went to far, now i dont talk to any of them, they made it really clear they didn't ever like me, but, just put up with me, i was never their friend to begin with, now i know.
i can't hold down a job, or do what i am suposed to do, i get incredible anxiety attacks, im fearful of befriending the wrong people again so i don't attempt to meet new people at all, when i go to stores which is rarely i don't talk to anyone just do my business and get out, it's hard for me to joke around with people, everything is so tense and gloom, i hear people judging me inside my head, sometimes it gives me headaches, i used to take chances and talk to almost anyone, but it all seems so trivial now, my dads girlfriend says i have a disorder, my moms husband says i need to become a man, my exfriends says i need to get laid, but there is something more serious going on maybe it was ex i've done in the past or other drugs, or alcohol, maybe i've always been a little corky but am just now becoming aware of it, when i do talk to people i have to build myself up before i go talk, it's never enjoyable, i'm sick of people pushing me to talk to them, mainly i don't want anyone else to ruin my life more or make fun of me, i have zero friends, i play videogames all day, eat, just sulk most of the day/night, this is really all im capable of

I identified a lot with what you wrote but I thought schizophrenia manifests through hallucinations or bizzare thinking, hearing voices, etc.
Really I have no idea what it could be, hopefully these aren't early signs of schizophrenia, maybe just a phase in your life. How old are you?

From what you said it doesn't sound like schizophrenia, more like depression and anxiety, but it's hard to tell. Either way seeing a psychiatrist might be a good idea.

Whow! I think i can relate to this a little. I have never had a job. Dropped out of High School. I always have to push myself and also, as you said, build-up, to make conversation. Last year i had super mood. Very positive, active, talkative, thought i was cured from my lifelong darkness. Probably because i had stomach problems with digestion and was fighting to cure myself and changed diets. I succeeded after about 9 months, no more heartburn or abdominal pain. I have also thought that maybe i have schizophrenia. If the talking in your head is your own thoughts putting you down, it's probably stress. I have this too. Especially when stressed, depressed, anxious. Schizophrenia is different, you might hear other peoples voices. As much as i think i know. Others i knew from school have moved on with their lives. They succeed and live 'normal' people lives. I am still the same. It's almost like i don't live in reality. I try to keep myself sane. I excersise often and play lots of video games. I know psychiatrists cannot help me because i don't have what people need to keep sane without drugs - true friends(not including family) you can hang out with, a companion, some kind of purpose in life. Pills cannot change my situation. Most of the time i feel like an observer. I am not sure how long i can take this. I sometimes fantasize about going away from my country. Don't really care if i am going to live on streets or be a bum or whatever and have even been thinking like.. SO WHAT!? if i get raped or murdered.. i feel like no one cares, including myself. I know for real that if things get scary for me i get panic attacks and want to run away. Human nature is funny. I know some people do care about me, but i don't feel it. It's like i am already dead. OR maybe i get lucky and life will chance once again. Maybe it's not like i am writing here. Maybe i am over dramatizing. I am confused. I'll shut up Probably confusing everyone else too. Must go running.

Maybe you are going through some kind of existential depression - that's a kind of depression smart people get when they start questioning the meaning of life and so on.