Obsessions
I have obsessions with certain people of the opposite sex that i could see myself with and i obsess over my looks because i want to look good for someone so they like me. I don't know why my brain works this way but even though i know deep down if the person i obsess over is going to give me a chance i feel lots of anxiety over the relationship and would rather be alone at the same time. It is weird that i want both and when i obsess i have to make sure i look perfect to my standards though i know in my mind that looks aren't the only important thing. I guess i want to be social but then again i don't, and i am content being alone. It sucks it is probably related to my OCD. I use to get depressed that the person i was obsessed with didn't end up dating me if it never happened. I also cannot handle change if someone is a certain way in a relationship and changes it get's me stressed out and depressed and i end up being cold to that person or mean to them too.
this sounds so familiar to me.
i have been down this road many times.
the last i was obsessed by a married man and when it ended i was treated for depression for a longtime.
even i used to make myself look attractive just to grab his attention. though im overweight and middle aged woman
i tried to look prettier but now i realised i only made a fool of myself nothing else.
Even i dont want to get into the relationship because they have lot of demands and they dont want to talk, understand,
share emotions they just want to have sex.
my obsessions get to a deep degree i remember flunking my class once because i was obsessed over a boy who was interested in some other girl.
so overall its a dangerous territory.
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