Paranoia

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Does anyone here get paranoia?

I have been someone who has had severe OCD since I've been 12ish. I am wondering if paranoia is a symptom of this?

That, and I'm also wondering whether my life experiences have something to do with it? I have been treated like crap and taken advantage of and been abused by peers all my life and now I am an adult I think everyone is out to get me.

There is healthy paranoia, but what I have got crosses the line.

I won't even tell people where I'm travelling to when I go on holiday in fear of them trying in some way to harm me (I won't go into details - but I don't mean by "following" me there) but I will do things like meet a stranger off the internet without feeling tense at all.

I think everyone is talking about me behind my back and going on about how much they hate me. (some of this is expected, as I'm not always miss charming - but I mean people where it is not expected)

I worry that everyone is out to get me, sabotage me or hurt me. It's not based on nothing. It's based on what I'm used to. This sky rockets my defense mechanism and makes me put up a huge wall.

Could this be a combination of past experience, aspergers, anxiety and OCD?

Honestly that kind of paranoia is more on the psychotic spectrum.
I don't know if your on any psych-meds for the AS, but I've heard from other people that they can sometimes trigger psychotic symptoms. SSRIs/stimulants can be bad for that.
I had a bad experience on an SSRI once.
It could also be that stress related to your bad experiences is beginning to deteriorate your ability to cope like a form of post traumatic stress.
Of course what your describing really does sound more like a form of psychosis. We Aspies seem more susceptible than NTs to developing those sorts of disorders from what I experienced.

I'm very familiar with having a blurry line between past experiences and paranoia and I'm working on it in therapy and a support group now. I've noticed a few little things in a couple of your posts that I don't know if I should say publicly, so if you want we can talk in PM.

I feel paranoid too, and no, it isn't easy living like this. It makes life very hard. OK, I really don't know where to begin saying about my worries. To put it in a shorter way, 95 percent of my worries are subconsciously caused by people and what they're thinking. It's because I've learnt how quick people are to judge and they can recognise mannerisms in an individual just like that and so can kind of tell what sort of a person you are just by looking at you, even if you're not doing anything unusual or anything like that. And so now that idea has gotten me so paranoid that I feel I am being watched by everyone and I get afraid to move or even breathe properly. I avoid going out to bars and places like that because I know I'm going to say or do something socially wrong, and to avoid doing stuff like that I will just be standing there as quiet as a mouse, and knowing how other people can sense my timid frozen expression they will judge me anyway, so I just keep away from those sorts of places. I have enough of being judged when walking out to the supermarket, so god knows how much I will be judged going into a true social environment like a bar. I think I would be eaten alive!

Having AS and trying to avoid being weird at the same time is VERY hard. Not that Aspies are weird, but in misunderstanding NTs eyes they are, which makes me feel very unconfident. And I can't force myself to stop being this paranoid, because it's the conscious thoughts that stick in my head what is causing all the problems and grief, and I don't quite know how to stop them. Even if I did stop them tomorrow, deep down it will always bother me, and the only way to stop these conscious thoughts is if I get a little older and perhaps not worry about it any more, like I used to. But I do fear embarrassment. I don't like being the centre of attention in a public place, which is why I've gotten so paranoid. And I can't ignore stares and laughs and comments from other people because it's like people burn a hole in my face when staring, and because I'm that much more self-aware than the average Aspie, this is where it makes things more tough than it should. For example, say if I tripped up in the street (but not fall over or anything) I always think that every single person in the street saw and are pointing and laughing at me, or thinking something stupid of me. It's just irrational thinking. I know they probably didn't see, but I can't help thinking. And the only people who understand me on this one are NTs or other Aspies with paranoid thoughts, because they know how I feel about being a tiny bit ridiculed is such a big deal. (I'm glad that's one of the things NTs can understand me on! )

I just fear rejection, ridicule, judgements, negativity, and lots of other socially negative things like that.

I get like that alot its a pain