Not talking helps for me?

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So I've suffered from depression (I'm still taking anti-depressants in case of relapse). I say that I've suffered because, currently, my mood is fine. But every so often, dark thoughts emerge. Sometimes being with people is alright, but rarely does actually talking about my feelings make me feel better about them. Telling others usually just makes me feel even more self conscious and crummier about everything. I guess having a different perspective is okay, but I don't get this whole "talking to someone takes the weight off this burden" thing.

I've taken to just not talking to people about it much. It doesn't make me feel better, but it doesn't make me feel worse either and I don't need to put as much effort into it.

I'm not recommending it to anyone. I'm just saying that talking about it is getting old for me.

Anyone feel this way?

Absolutely. Even when I am severely depressed talking, just make me ruminate about the problem, which makes me feel worst. All my life I've been telling people that talking only makes me feel worst, while they would reply - no, sharing helps.! I guess that is the difference between depressed and not depressed person. I think only a healthy person can talk and feel good. I notice in those moments when my meds are working and I feel good, I can laugh about me being depressed, while when I feel down if I say it I'm just gonna burst in tear. I'm afraid and so on and so on.
I was even in counceling, I stopped it for the same reason! Talking!

I actually prefer writing.

I didn't talked about my trauma to any professionell for an entire year.
My family doesn't know until today and I'm like this in a lot of areas.

My mom toled me that she knew something was wrong because I stoped talking about things.

I think another reason to not talk is because you just know that people are going to say:

"It'll get better"

"Do you think you're the only one who goes through this?"

"When are you not depressed?"

"Just suck it up"

"What do you want me to say to you?"

"Why don't you stop thinking about yourself for a moment?!"

"You just don't want to get better, do you?"

"I can't deal with your BS anymore"

"That's no excuse. You need to push harder"

"If Stephen Fry can do everything he does, then you can do it too. You're just being lazy"

"Promise me that you won't get this bad again"

And so on and so fourth.

I just figure that (their) ignorance is bliss (by that, I mean that they don't know what I'm dealing with because I haven't told them).

This is why I like forums, I feel better sometimes after getting my thoughts out on a forum or the coping mechanism of writing.

Try keeping a diary either at home or online and write out your feelings. With an online diary you can either choose to keep it private or public with a fake name of course.

I talk about my problems to people I used to know...in my head.
I usually feel better after such a "conversation".

I was asked to keep a mood journal when I began to get psychiatric help and I just couldn't do it. For me, it's not about if others will find out. It's more to do with the fact that 'letting it out' is emotionally exhausting. Even writing in a journal is a lot for me. It makes me even more self conscious about my problems. I know how I feel about myself. Writing it down is just a permanent reminder. Even if I deleted/threw away the journal, the fact is that I've spent that time making myself feel even more sick, emotionally. I'm better off just lying in bed until the feeling subsides.

I don't understand how writing is cathartic. I do art as well (in the form of drawing, usually) but my mood simply kills my creativity and motivation to draw. Trust me, I've tried to sketch through a dark mood and I just couldn't do it. I really, really tried on countless occasions to put pencil to paper and illustrate how I felt, but it was really painful. It's hard to explain. It just hurts when you feel so bad about yourself that you can't even enjoy what you love the most.

For some people, I suppose keeping such a journal is helpful as after the feeling, they can analyse what they wrote and think about ways they can do X better. But that doesn't work too well for me.

I guess, in some perverted way, I do benefit from talking to people because I'm doing it right now. Not because I'm looking for answers, but because I know others empathize. They know exactly how I feel and that I'm not just being lazy or whatever dumb accusation gets thrown my way when I don't "cooperate".

I think in my more sober moments (like how I feel just now), that's when I can think pragmatically about my feelings and can do all the writing and the drawing and the talking and the other things that are supposed to keep depression at bay (spoiler alert: it doesn't) but when those dark feelings emerge, I'm f****d.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm sick of fighting my feelings. I inexplicably feel sh***y and self loathing at times and that's the way it's going to be for the rest of my life. No matter how much I apply critical thinking to my issues, no matter how many people I talk to, no matter what medication I'm on, I will always struggle with this s**t. Call me defeatist, but that's just how it is for me.

PS: I think your advice would be useful for many other people on this site. Thanks for suggesting it.

4,5 and 8 are my typical unempathetic responses to most things... at least in my head I don't dare say them out loud. I mean, I'm not a psychiatrist or psychologist or therapist of any kind. I will say right out that I lack empathy.