Obsessions and Memory Regression; Reality Escape

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I am noticing there are times I have obsessions with nostalgia despite a crappy chldhood...there are also intense obsessions that randomly happen (often involving music/art) where I just want to escape reality.

What the hell is happening with my mind?

Sounds like you want to escape something in your recent everyday life, so you reminisce about a simpler time (childhood) and you use music and art as a coping mechanism.

I don't think it's such a bad thing if you use music and art to escape reality. Those are positive ways to escape.

Not sure if I'm understanding what you're saying about obsessions and nostalgia correctly, but it does remind me of how nostalgia sometimes hits me. I don't have many good childhood memories, either, but sometimes I get this odd feeling of nostalgia for a childhood that never happened. It's like mourning the loss/absence of a normal childhood. It can make me really sad sometimes.

True; my main issue is I sometimes want to be in escapism permanently.

As far as the nostalgia goes...I find it interesting. Same position here. Maybe it's a form of trying to make the past seem more pleasant to cope?

Maybe the nostalgia thing is what you say, an attempt to make the past seem better in order to cope. I think for me, sometimes events in everyday life trigger a reminder of what was missing in my childhood. Then it's like I re-live the pain of the past. Nostalgia almost never sits well with me; it's painful.

If you feel like escaping into art and music has gone too far, have you tried doing a bit less of it to see what happens? Or is the pull too strong, and you don't feel like you can stop? If you are able to pull back, usually the things that you are trying to escape will be front and center in your mind immediately. Would it be possible to identify those things and then try to use art or music to process your feelings/memories about them?

For me nostalgia is often re visited in the form of cartoons. Usually I watch teen Titans or Robot Wars. Onimusha (game series) is also played for that sometimes...played through the series about 5 times now.

I just don't want to exist in reality in general. It could be that I am suspecting Borderline Personality Disorder, and that makes people perceive the world as malevolent. I did the math and I listen to 7 1/2 hours of music per day and spend a minimum of an hour making art. Included in the 7 1/2 hours is playing on guitar and bass, but not writing song lyrics, though the two often overlap.

When I am creating in my own little world it is hard to pull me out. I am disoriented in reality often as well. As far as them being focused on my mind...that often leads to dwelling. However, artwork after entering that state of mind is useful. It is especially useful if it is when I am working on making my tulpa.

Thank you for responding, I was afraid I'd get no help on here relating to this.