Dyspraxia gets me down

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Do you ever feel like you have to remind yourself of what stuff you can do well, just to distract yourself from feeling bad about all the things you mess up. I deal with this condition well and I think having it has led to me developing a certain strength of character, but I'd rather just be naturally good at something that isn't useless. I'm good enough at Scrabble to play tournaments, but I don't feel particularly proud of that. I write songs okay, but I wouldn't call it a natural talent.

I hate the way my body and mind seem to misfire so often. I can't drive. I walk into things. I can't write for long periods of time without my hand being in agony. I make tonnes of mistakes playing music unless I practice and practice and practice. Even doing my shoelaces and brushing my teeth is a chore. Then there's making the bed, crossing the road...I'm sure if you have this condition, you've heard it all before. It gets so tedious having to pay close attention to every physical task. I feel my physical awkwardness, like my brain knows my body is clumsy and has given up trying to control it - that's uncomfortable.

Then there's the weird, sideways logic that makes me feel like I'm wrong all the time. People look at me like I just dropped in from planet Zorg, after I tried to make what I thought was a carefully considered point.

I'm so sick of the advice given to dyspraxic people that really amounts to 'be proud of the fact that you've put in an exceptional amount of effort to be mediocre at something'. I don't want to be proud of the amount of effort I make. I want to be proud of myself for actually being good. I know most 'naturally talented' people have in fact put in tonnes of effort. I just feel, well, naturally untalented.

I don't have dyspraxia but that sounds sucky. It's cool that you can write music, not a lot of people can and people generally admire that. When I was younger the coordination and physical weakness problems I had (associated with AS) were particularly bad, and I used to walk into things constantly, injure myself, break expensive things all the time and get into trouble, that kind of thing. In Primary School I was so bad at athletics that I came last in the class and even the boy who was a dwarf did better than me. When I tried to throw the shotput it only went 1 meter despite the fact I tried my hardest, and the teacher told me off for deliberately not trying (which wasn't the case and was pretty upsetting).

I only threw the shotput on metre, too. I was also picked last for teams behind the girls with the twisted leg. I find this funny, though,

I think I probably have as many natural talents as most people have. I just need to work on my strengths. It's just that a lifetime of having to try harder at things has left me with low confidence. I doubt myself a lot.

I can cook and handle money better than most people with my condition - mainly through practice.