What is this that took over me?

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I think I'm losing it. I just got the absolute compulsion to put my hand in a broken socket, and ended up cutting my finger!

It was like that desire you get when you try to see whether a hot plate is hot or not, but I seemed to immediately act on the compulsion.

It's like, without even rationally deciding on it, I unconsciously wanted a shock to kill me...

Could the unconscious mind commit suicide on behalf of the rational self?

it is a long-known fact that many "accidents" are disguised suicides. many "accident-prone" individuals [including yours truly] were subconsciously suicidal.

<--- Blatantly suicidal, and not subconsciously, either.

you deserve far far better.

Please stick around; it may not seem like it but you matter. I'm not so great with words, but I hope you and the OP get the meaning.