Strong anticipation + everything charged + like in a game

Post Reply New Topic

In those fields, I doubt it surprised anyone who is serious about their work. Big pharma fixates on end-all, be-all chemical solutions to strictly defined conditions, when in reality, pinning anything on a single neurotransmitter is like calling one person endangering themselves a danger to society, and then punishing them according to a construct they never inhabited.

That feeling of anticipation, like you are about to embark on a great quest, is something I experienced during the early stages of psychosis. I sometimes feel like I have just uncovered something of great importance, that I am a person of astounding ability who will change the world.

It has to do with a feeling of importance for me. I want to feel like I matter, that I'm a big deal. I think we all want that, but maybe being deprived of importance causes us to fill the need ourselves through delusion or whatever. That's just a theory anyway.

Many people in this situation treat their subconscious better when they aren't forced to work through others, with their own similar ambitions. It's not exclusively about being in a position of relevance because no matter how detatched, anyone still occupies space and therefore a margin in which they can do something for those who surround them. To us on this spectrum, things are often a matter of what we can do in the immediate to bring about positive change and not merely for our own comfort or prosperity. Derealization, as discussed in this context is present in the way you've examined it.

I can't make heads or tails of this post.

That seems to come close to mania, but perhaps not quite. It's not necessarily mania.

Last edited by beneficii on 02 Oct 2013, 7:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I just asked my psychiatrist about what I felt and whether it was delusional mood. She said there's no such thing as delusional mood, only delusions and mood states and delusions that take place in mood states. I'm thinking, Like seriously? Then she suggested that it was probably hypomania or something.

I didn't say anything more. I'm just glad to be getting a second opinion from a doctor who I know doesn't try to ascribe everything to mood states.

The conversation also caused me to lose track of what I was trying to say. Here's how it went:

Me: When I was at the beach, like when I was at the beach when I was 14 around the time my delusions started, I had this sense of expectation, like something big was about to happen, and everything seemed charged. I think this is called delusional mood, right?

Doc: What? No. There is no delusional mood. There are delusions and there are mood states.

Me: Huh? I'm pretty sure it exists. It's also called delusional atmosphere or, in German, Wahnstimmung.

Doc: Not in psychiatry, I don't think. Again, I think you're talking about mood states, and what you were talking about before you wanted to gouge your eyes out was a little bit of hypomania.

This disrupted my flow, because one I forgot to mention that everything felt like a video game. Two, I was gonna talk about how at the beach just in August, according to my therapist, it was probably just my being reminded of the experience I had when I was 14. Three, I was kinda hoping to explore it a bit more with someone who knew the stuff.

I actually know what you mean with "delusional mood". When I was in my psychotic like episode, I also had a very special feeling.
Maybe it was a mixture, who knows?
You might be mostly Bipolar, maybe this diagnoses is right, I can't tell.
But maybe McDD would be more correct? Just a thought.
I strongly believe in a mixture of mood and psychotic symptoms, like you can find in schizoaffective for example.

After the session, I asked my mum of it: "Did you see me get more hyper or excited or happy than usual on that trip?" She said, "No." So I don't think it was hypomania. Hypomania and mania are noticeable to others. If it's not noticeable to others, than it's not hypomania or mania.

Well to that what your psychiatrist said...
I also see it this way that we are still just on the beginning to understand the human psyche and have more or less simple categories to explain human behavior. And because most don't fit easily in one category, they get labled with two or three or even more disorders. I don't mean that negative, but your psychiatrist propably knows some stuff, but most of it just out of books and psychiatry lectures, but the reality might look quite different in some aspects.

Also very interesting:

"Interestingly, a family history of BD may influence the phenomenology of patients with PDD. In subjects with autism spectrum disorder and a family history of BD, many features of childhood BD have been observed, including affective extremes, cyclicity, obsessive traits, neuro-vegetative disturbances, special abilities, and regression after initial normal development. On the other hand, subjects with autism spectrum disorder and without a family history of BD showed less florid agitation, fearfulness, and aggression, and were of lower functioning."

http://www.cpementalhealth.com/content/4/1/26

If you have a bit time, you can check this out:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KxI6DmbEKQg[/youtube]

Raziel,

Or my psychiatrist might just be playing probabilities. She didn't bother to ask my mum right there if my mum had noticed it. My psychiatrist, as I've seen, is not particularly thorough and seems to be more into playing probabilities. That's why I'm seeking a second opinion from a psychiatrist who, according to his blog, is more thorough and has a better defined view of bipolar disorder.

As to the issue of hypo/mania and noticeability, I give to you these sources:

http://psychcentral.com/disorders/hypom ... -symptoms/



http://bipolar.about.com/cs/faqs/f/faq_bp12dif.htm

As for family history, I'll read it. I have not found anyone else in my family with a diagnosis of bipolar, however. My grandmother on my father's side ran into depression and alcoholism and committed suicide when my dad was 18. I plugged my dad for evidence of a time when she seemed much more elated, irritable, or hyper than what she normally was, and he said no: he just saw times when she was depressed and times when she was normal, but not any times when she seemed particularly elated, irritable, or hyper.

That article you posted, I've read it before. It seems to describe cases of comorbid Asperger's and bipolar and how solving the bipolar doesn't solve the Asperger's, etc.

Yes, but what I found interesting about this quote, that Bipolar like symptoms in childhood actually influences autistic symptoms. And I read that very often. You find nearly no LFA Bipolar ppl. It exists, but is very very rare. Higher functioning autistic traits usually go along with more comorbidities and vice versa. They still don't know why this is.
Also in McDD you'll find that. Most ppl with McDD don't fully fullfill the diagnostic criteria for ASD, but just some criteria.



If I were you and if it's important to you to find out what's going on exactly, I would also seek to get a second opinion by a Bipolar-expert.

@19:40, what he says isn't true. Rett's disorder has been found to be caused by specific genes.

Rett-syndrome is the total exeption in everything and if it would go along with very specific physical features like Down-Syndrome for example, they wouldn't have grouped it in the psychiatric disorders in the first place. Other than that, disorders are HIGHLY overlapping. So most people who visit different psychiatrists will actually end up with different diagnosis. Clear cut cases are actually the minority.

Here's something on childhood bipolar, which seems to be similar. Like here's something Stuart Kaplan wrote on:

http://mag.newsweek.com/2011/06/19/momm ... polar.html

So a difficult time waking up in the morning means look out bipolar? Well, I have a favorite cartoon character, Chibi Maruko Chan, and she has a difficult time getting up in the morning:



She also has problems with inattention, can sometimes be irritable, and throws whirlwind tantrums. Yup, bipolar!