OCD

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Oh my gosh, I think I might have OCD.

I was reading about "idee fixe" because I keep thinking about certain topics and I CAN'T stop and have the need to write it down and I can't stop. So it worried me and read some stuff about it and then I read that that's a form of OCD.

I wish I could stop.

... I'm seeing my psychiatrist on friday, so I'll ask him.

Some OCD-type behaviors are common with AS and HFA. Developing obsessive interests is probably the most common.

However, having lived with someone with pure OCD, I think there's a difference in motivation.

OCD people seem to engage in their obsessive behaviors because of some superstitious sense that if they don't, something awful will happen.

When I do things like that, it's because the routine is reassuring and keeps my anxiety levels controllable. More routine, fewer surprises.

It's a subtle difference, I suppose they stem from the same sorts of brain function, but I never thought that if I was unable to fulfill my obsessive impulse, my house would burn down or anything.

I don't know what the reason for my behaviour is, but I don't like those obsessions at all.

Eh... It's very likely I do have OCD or OCPD as having Tourette's is but not always associated.

My OCD revolves doing everything in order, by the hour, I have schedules for every daily event like when to eat sleep, bathe and places to go. Each important repeated task is counted by one for ever repeat.

It also revolves around gaming and Internet. I have to make sure I play a different game every hour, different days, playing the same game in that time slot on the same day every week until complete. I have Internet tabs in a certain order and have allotted time or a separate task to uphold on each one before moving onto the next.

I'm particular in how I eat, eat little bits at a time. Like for a typical roast dinner with vedge, each is eaten as a mouthful at a time, move onto another different potion until it is finished or texture intolerances proves I can't eat anymore.

I'm particular in counting money to the nearest penny, counting steps and sometimes counting the seconds go by from a ticking clock. I like setting up software to count things for me, like iTunes play count feature or from software I create myself.

With it, I'm perfectly punctual and never late, never early for things, always bang on time from everything. I find that if I don't do this, I'm often extremely anxious, frustrated and agitated until it is done, or the timeframe for the event has passed.

It is in a way a good thing.

I'm sorry to say this, but my constant nagging and repeating myself (I have lost a girlfriend once because I tried to ask her out too many times) is just my undoing. I think I may have OCD as well.