OCD is raging out of control - beyond my ability to cope

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My OCD paranoia and contamination fears are making my life utter hell. Im rocking constantly breaking down in public and while before I used to scream iside my head its escaping like steam out of an engine.

Are you trying/have you tired therapy for it? I'm trying to do gradual ritual prevention with my psych. right now, I just had my first session for it.

Do you feel like you might be a danger to yourself or that you can't function whatsoever? To me, it seems like you have to go to the hospital if it has come to that. It seems pretty serious.

At least in a psych ward, you can be monitored while you are going through this. Though I must warn you that it can be a very distressing experience. My friend was in a psych ward for four days and she says it's pretty rough, but at least she was safe.

Ah on the day I had to move out I was a total wreck so much so that my mum who usually mocks my symptoms urged me to check into a mental hospital. I wish I could but what will happen to my degree? Im in the middle of my 2nd year so if I check in to a hospital i'l have to put tha ton hold. I do need to as its torturous but then I have to start all over again.



Oh wow how is that going? I try to do that myself but it doesnt work. The problem is the what if. The only reason why I dont think that im schizophrenic is that im well aware that its all ridiculous. The problem is the "But what if...." dialogue that goes round in my head.

Has a doctor considered the possibility of PANDAS? This is controversial, but it's probably a genuine subset of rheumatic fever.

The first step would be a blood test for strep antibodies. Now, the doctor might say this only occurs in children. Well, so far, they've only looked at it in children. But most probably, just like rheumatic fever itself, this can occasionally affect persons in their 20s or 30s.

Googled it and read a fascinating lowdown by NIMH. I'll ask my doctor to give me an examination.Its unlikely however as there is a profound genetic component to all this. Both my mum and brother have OCD symptoms and even my dad is extremely obsessive about his cleaning rituals to the point where he becomes visibly distressed if the order he creates is upset

I know exactly what you mean. My undergrad degree is in Psychology so I learned about how OCD sufferers have these irrational beliefs and weird superstitions but know the beliefs are irrational and are therefore not psychotic. Before that I used to worry that I'd be committed to a mental institution ASAP if I ever told anyone that I had to keep opening the door until I could open it while thinking a "good thought" and not a "bad thought" (e.g not while thinking about a disease or something). Thinking about a disease while opening a door = getting a disease? It's ridiculous, completely irrational! Well, we know we're being irrational so we're not psychotic, at least.

Yes, there's that little fear in the back of your mind that says "but just to make sure...just in case...I just have to go back and open the door one more time...what if by some bizzare chance...." Well, I just discussed this today. Basically, that's the OCD trying to bully you and push you around. You have to tell the mental illness to "f off" and , no you will not do something you know is irrational! Easier said than done. The thing is you've been doing the ritual for so long and nothing bad has happened so how do you know the ritual is not stopping the bad thing from happening? Only that's specious reasoning and you know it. Just because you weren't contaminated by deadly germs when you washed your hands 15 times a day for the last few years doesn't mean that washing your hands that number of times prevented you from getting germs. There are tons of other variables like that you bathed and washed your hands after you defecated like a normal person and have been vaccinated and didn't go to a quarantined room in a makeshift hospital in a third world country (you're in a fairly clean environment overall). Still, the OCD says "what if washing your hands 15 times IS what keeps you from getting a disease?" Well, what if a rock sitting in exactly the right position on your front porch keeps tigers away? .There haven't been any tigers around your porch lately, have there?(the no-tiger rock thing is from a Simpsons episode btw). So you're just supposed to keep reminding yourself how irrational the thoughts are and not do the ritual and feel the anxiety and then eventually see that the anxiety will go away and even if you don't it and the bad thing won't happen. Yeah, SO MUCH easier said than done.

Anyway to answer your question , my ritual prevention hasn't been successful so far but I just started trying with professional help today. Of course, I've tried to just tell myself to stop with pure willpower lots of times before with no success. You're supposed to do them in a list and start with the one you think is easiest to try to stop, the least anxiety provoking one, btw. It's much better to get professional help with this. I know it's easier said than done and depending on where you live it could be very expensive but your case sounds severe and if there's anyway to get to a psych I really think you should.

What perhaps might be genetic is a predisposition and vulnerability to the autoimmune condition.

Now admittedly, PANDAS is probably a bit of a long shot. But since it's relatively easily treated, it's kind of like hitting a home run if it does turn out to be the case.

Hi, I've struggled with OCD perhaps most seriously when I was 16 and 17. I worried about both germ and chemical contamination. Took hour-long showers, plus pre- and post- shower ritual. Then I stopped taking showers because it was less stressful just not to take them.

Okay, one thing that works is free positives. Be open to adding free positives to your life, perhaps especially during the hard times. For example, this semester maybe pre-study which I think is the royal road. And, then perhaps animal rescue, a gaming group, coed softball just for fun, etc. Something that you make time for.

Then, practice telling people, "I have OCD." Just a single sentence. And something you have now that I didn't have in the early 1980s is that more people know about this. And people might have their own issues. And really, people often like us precisely for the broken parts believe it or not. And then maybe a one or two sentence explanation if the person is really interested, but not more than that. And then maybe a gracious comedown, tell you more later, something like that. Being discreet but not secretive, that's a big, big help. (PS I also like political activism, although it's often disappointing.)

And then there are different zen approaches. For example, if you can look at OCD as ballast or texture in your life, that can be helpful. And the above person's suggestion where you act like a badass coach and tell OCD to "f off!" Done with a sense of humor and a little tongue in cheek, that can be one tool among many. In fact, there's a number of ways to be a coach to yourself, probably good to experiment and to have more than one method in your repertoire.

For myself, if I can get to the zen place where it's okay to do the ritual and okay not to, that's a pretty good place to do. It a little bit lightens it and I can a little bit dance away from the stress and the worry.

But no one method always works. That's why it's so helpful to have a light touch.

I don't think you will have to give up uni to go to hospital. If you voluntarily check yourself in during a crisis, they'll probably only keep you in for a couple of days. The university can count it as a mitigating circumstance if you miss too many classes. Legally, the university can't kick you out if you have been voluntarily sectioned (I should hope so - it's illegal in my country).


My roommate was voluntarily sectioned for four days and she's still in uni. I only suggested the hospital in case you were in immediate danger of harming yourself. I myself normally just call Samaritans (though one time I actually went to the branch as I believe they were concerned for my saftey).

Just know your rights if you ever find yourself in a psych ward.

Im thinking deadlines... but I dont see what good 3 days in a psych ward would do. The change to my routine would be almost as bad as the OCD. It'd take me a week to adjust to the new environment

Like I said, it'd only be in extreme circumstances like if you were about to harm yourself. I assumed you were in a crisis. It's distressing, but you might be safer in that case.

If you are looking for long term therapy or support, then your GP is really the person to go to. Plus, your uni should have people you can get support from. For example, my uni has its own mental health service and I'm currently getting an assesment through them. The biggest obstacle is waiting lists, so you need to make it very clear just how severe your ocd is. And, like I said, your uni may be able to help you out while you're waiting for a referral.

Are you currently getting any sort of treatment right now? Any medication?

My DX appointment is on the 23rd. Im hoping that it'll bring some sort of closure to the "do I have an ASD or not" conundrum as well as to map a course for my ocd treatment. No medication. What I think might be asperger's issues are relevant insofar as I am constantly overwhelmed by emotions which bewilder and engulf me. Then there are the sensory issues which make the OCD that much worse + executive functioning difficulties which render self care impossible and finally moderate social impairments. Its all of these things which together are hell on earth.

On the subject of executive functioning issues, I struggle with things like utility and cell phone bills, wanting to understand and not merely be passive. So, I put off, and then last minute increases the problems. I also have issues with washing clothes and even more so with shopping, and often up wearing the same type of clothes pretty much all the time.

My bill paying and self care are somewhat better though I havent brushed my teeth in about a month (I know). The only reason I shower is that I feel ill if I dont. My ocd forces me to keep my clothes etc clean. For the first time in ages my room is blissfully clean. This is only because ive moved so much that ive discarded all the excess uncategorisable stuff that got me into a mess in the first place. The act of organisation is narcotic.

I wear the same clothes all the time too mainly because im extremely particular about what I wear and im stingy. To be honest though ive always been like that since I was a child. I remember being incredulous that I had to change my school shirts daily.

Sometimes what I wear is based on my job. For example, a couple of years ago, I briefly worked at a fast food restaurant. I bought these black work pants at Walmart like those which are typically worn by restaurant employees, and I carefully removed the labels. Then when I got a job at a department store, well, I could wear my black suit pants, or I could wear these restaurant pants which were almost as good, didn't winkle as much, and were a lot more durable.

And at the same time, I was contributing to medical topics on wikipedia, and I kind of evolved what I thought was my doctor outfit. These black work slacks, white dress shirt with T-shirt, and a cream-colored light weather jacket that was a little ratty, which I vaguely liked to pretend was a lab coat. No, I'm not a doctor nor anywhere close, but I did take my wiki work seriously. And what perhaps pulled it all together were these low slung black and brown tennis shoes, which were both casual and a little dressy.

And then it's a little bit like, once I have a really good outfit, why am I going to wear anything else?