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Eliasandjonasmom
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02 Jun 2014, 11:38 am

He's 32, newly divorced and dad to one year old, which my dad paid for and couldn't really afford. He has been working full time at a factory temp job, and living in my parents basement trying to get out of other debts and back on his feet, maybe save up for a car. He does not like to listen to anyone looking out for his own good. Now because he's thrown out, he can no longer see his son because it's court order that visits must be at my parents house with both of them present during the visit. It's a 90 minute walk to his work, I do not know how long he can keep that up. He is going to drain his bank account in this hotel, and how will he pay his child support now? I'm worried he's about to ruin his life in a big way somehow. He isn't normally violent, however he has a wicked temper and has acted foolishly in the past. I'm scared of him, especially when he goes into manic episodes. I think this one has been building up for awhile it's gonna be a bad one. I have two kids of my own I do not want him at my house and around them when he's like this. I can text him, but I'm not sure how long that will be available to him, I believe he will be homeless very soon, his money will run out. He has like 2 grand I'm certain he will quickly piss through. I want to be helpful but I don't know what to say. I don't want to be judgmental but I want to tell him to calm down, think clearly, good healthy choices, and since this is happening he should see his dr ASAP. I don't want to say this and force him to fly off the handle. Do you think telling him this will add fuel to the fire? Should I just say nothing? My parents have been financially and emotionally supportive in a big way for about a year since the divorce and all his life really. They can't take it anymore. If my bro stays there dad will have heart attack and my mom winds up in the looney bin. He has also been off his meds for a few days now depicote and Zoloft I think. Not good. Without giving him money or having him at my house or driving him around, how can I help him besides praying? I wish I can text him but I don't wanna set him off. I don't know how long he will be able to keep his phone charged if he's about to be homeless. Dad says he cannot move back home ever again it's over. Can't say I blame him, but now what?



Eliasandjonasmom
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02 Jun 2014, 11:57 am

Let me also add, my dad is going to be at brothers place of work when he gets out with all his meds, bank account numbers, and doctor numbers and some suicide number hot line or something too.( he's never been suicidal but just in case) And a change or two of clothes. He's going to tell him you cannot come back to the house but he will meet him wherever at an agreed set time to give him the rest of his belongings. He said he'll do that up to 30 days and after that everything just goes out to the curb. No one is trying to rip my brother off in any way. He's drained all the money and emotional help my family can muster. It's such a grey area where he doesn't get it and needs help, and where he needs to stop feeling sorry for himself and grow up. Forgive me if I'm being ignorant, I've read about being bipolar tons to try and understand it all but I myself am not so I don't know first hand how it feels. I have a son with aspergers so I am empathetic to mental illnesses, but we are forced to draw a line so that we ourselves don't lose everything. I hope this doesn't sound cold hearted, the guilt from it all is tremendous.



Eliasandjonasmom
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02 Jun 2014, 12:01 pm

I think this last episode all came about from stress from the divorce which I understand, but he went off his meds and went to a bar and got very smashed, called my uncle to pick him up and take him to a motel, and this was the final straw with my folks. Sorry it's been a mess unfolding for a long time. It's hard to type it in one post and give you all the full picture.



nebrets
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02 Jun 2014, 12:08 pm

If you can find a safe way to tell him to get back on his meds and see the doctor ASAP that is the best choice. I have a Borderline Personality brother in his early 20's who is similarly seemingly trying to crash and burn his life. You need to realize that you are ultimately not responsible for your brother's decisions. You can offer advice, but if he chooses other paths, that is his problem. He may have to crash and burn before getting help and being responsible. I will be praying for you and your brother.


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Eliasandjonasmom
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02 Jun 2014, 12:11 pm

Ty nebrets, we can use the prayers.



Eliasandjonasmom
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03 Jun 2014, 12:01 pm

Well I texted him and just told him please take your meds and see your doctor ASAP, since your having a manic episode it's urgent you do this to help yourself. I asked him to please let me know you received the text, and if you've written me off that's fine. No response. He could have lost his phone since he was beyond smashed, or no access to his charger, but I'm wondering if he's reading all of it and ignoring me. This is the part where my heart sinks and we wait to hear something I guess.



nebrets
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05 Jun 2014, 3:42 pm

My brother never acknowledges or responds to my messages. It is discouraging.


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Eliasandjonasmom
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07 Jun 2014, 8:01 am

It's so discouraging your right. I think we're not going to hear from him until he blows through his savings and gets into big trouble somehow and needs help. Now if I can just stop thinking and worrying about him. I can't help it, but it's driving me insane. He's supposed to see his son today, but without my dad it can't happen so I suspect maybe today's the day he gets in trouble. I keep assuming the worst I'm so scared for him ugh.



Eliasandjonasmom
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20 Jun 2014, 4:21 pm

He's back with his ex wife for now....7grand of my dad's money for nothing..all the abuse he accused her of and this is his solution to not be homeless... Words cannot describe the anger, heartbreak, and disappointment that I feel. I'm praying for god to help me accept it, I will never be able to understand it though.



Girlwithaspergers
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21 Jun 2014, 9:33 am

I'll keep your family in my prayers/thoughts/vibes (whichever you prefer.)


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