Scared of doing relaxation on my own

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Hello stressed people!

I used to have a panic disorder when I was 18-25, on and off. Then nothing in spite of (manageable) anxiety signs.

I've been advised to do sophrology or even relaxation/meditation. There used to be a group that did that, but it was cancelled - until further notice... they don't do it anymore in short. Otherwise it's super expensive.

I tried a short sophro formation a few months ago, that gave me a huge panic attack. Nothing for months until a couple of days ago... I've been going through a lot, and it's not over, for a couple of years. I'd like to try these tools at home as I could, I was given some basic keys, and I can always learn more by myself. Problem: it gives me panics, and I'm not going to provoke them...

I suppose it has to do with loss of control. Have some of you experienced panics in such circumstances? What are your tips while practicing relaxation or meditation at home? Maybe you can talk about your experience out of this specific case, it might give me perspective.

Thanks.

For relaxation I use youtube videos with spoken words- isochronic music or binaural beats.
After starting yoga I searched
Savassanna music because I like the quiet time at the end.
In yoga they talk about stopping running thoughts. They call it quieting Monkey Brain.

If the video is getting me agitated instead of calming I now quickly turn it off. At first I would just observe the rising tension.
This was not good.

Sorry I didn't see your message ^

The thinking thing, distancibg from thoughts is ok, like daydreaming. It's everything body related that turns out creepy. It's like my head has been ruling for so long (and a lot in my head beside the ruling) that everything physical is a struggle. Only emotions tell me something, but the fight is really my head and my body. I wonder if anyone can relate to that: the mind is aware of emotions and totally ok with them. The body isn't at all. Surprising conclusion (?) the mind is tricking you. And I so don't want to talk about Freud.

There was a critical article about mindfulness in The Guardian a while back:

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle ... ing-us-ill

This stuff is not for everybody. If relaxation exercises trigger panic attacks in you, don't do them. Rather talk it over with a therapist, maybe you can find out what is going on.

Similarly, I've heard that people suffering from depression should not do meditation. Again, this perhaps varies from person to person.

That was an interesting reading, thank you.

I actually can relate to that, not like Claire. It was panics. Maybe because the person doing the initiation was really there, and she told me there was no need to breathe this deep if I couldn't and to let it be, so to speak, like it was. And we talked about it.

The good thing was there was release of something, I'm just not aware what it was. Only that can explain the anxiety. I could feel it was blocked right where the diaphragm is. So it not only negative. Talking (and crying) probably helped (more? Possible). Maybe I can mention I did suffer from ptsd, not treated. I know I still have it under different forms - phobias - that allow me to function. I'm seeing a therapist. Writing and singing, and talking helps more. Maybe I shouldn't push too much. But I do that a lot. Educational.