severe social anxiety due to bullying/discrimination

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Besides Asperger's, which provides me with my strengths, I have MANY other underlying conditions that erode the benefits that Asperger's has given me and only recently have I began to challenge these huge barriers.

Besides Aspergers, I have general anxiety disorder which includes social anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder and several phobias including a huge one of nuclear war.

My social anxiety has been so bad that's several people in school, a couple females accuse me of stalking them and nearly reported me to the police. Because I also have anger issues when it comes to being falsely accused, I started shouting at the girls after they wrongly accuse me of stalking them yet I wasn't following them at all. I just wanted to approach them, but I was afraid they were going to lash out at me and ironically when I decided to muster up the courage and swallow my fear the thing I feared the most had actually happened.

Even though they did not report me I fear that after my Outburst they were going to. This was in a way self-fulfilled prophecy but I figured since I feared something so much, I inadvertently made it happen. This only made my social anxiety worse and I began to think that all of my negative predictions were going to come true.

And after I made a list of 10 random negative predictions and almost nearly all of them came true right During the period when I almost completely stopped my superstitious OCD rituals, it only reinforced my behavior during an experiment when I decided to reduce my OCD rituals.

During the experiment, I reduced my OCD rituals by 80% and I made a list of 10 optimistic and pessimistic predictions. In another experiment I did another list of 10 random optimistic and pessimistic predictions during a period of increased rituals and I compared it to results and what I found was surprisingly that my hypothesis was correct and that periods of increased ritualistic Behavior I have less misfortunes than I have decreased rituals.

I don't know if this has something to do what self-fulfilled prophecy, but I made the experiment in the way that I have almost no influence with self-fulfilling prophecy and all the results were out of my control.

I started doing OCD rituals after a period of severe bullying in school when I was in Middle School( The incident with the girls happened in college two years ago.)

The bullying in Middle School got so bad that I was actually injured during beatings by students and the strangest thing was that the inclusion director punished me for being bullied, which confirm the idea that I felt that she was out to get me which supported my what others thought was simply a persecution complex.

I noted that even after I got pushed down a flight of stairs by a bully on Tuesday February 15th 2005 only and only 4 days after Friday February 11th 2005 when the bully the same one who pushed me down the stairs through my head in the mailbox never got punished and I actually got punished for attempting to report the incident to the principal against the inclusion directors demand that I do not since I believe that the time and I still believe today she wanted to cover her tracks about how she treated me and I was the only person on the Spectrum at the program and all the others were NT's with bullying tendencies.

I noted five times that I got punished by having privileges taken away from me and even the tensions not only for things that I didn't do but as I mentioned earlier for being beat up.

The bullies had a habit of doing things and then blaming it on me and most of the time I got punished for it and because of that I developed very severe anger issues when it came to being falsely accused and one way to trigger a massive meltdown out of me to the point that you have to call the police on me is to falsely accuse me of something I did not do and then punish me for it.

Even though I never got violent with people I had a habit of destroying property after being punished for something I did not do. During one of my meltdowns, I remember shouting if you're going to punish me, I'm going to give you a f****** reason to punish me I've been flipped over few chairs and throw a bunch of papers on the floor.

I had absolutely no anger issues before and I don't either right now but I have a fear that if I ever get falsely accused of a crime and convicted while in court, I may lash out by saying something I'm going to regret that might get me into more trouble than the crime I am accused of.

I haven't had any anger episodes in many years. And my mom got to get me out of the school where I was being severely bullied and discriminated against that triggered my anger OCD and generalized anxiety disorder.

I believed at the time that I was cursed because of all the bad things are happening to me I was being bullied in school and because of being bullied in school I was already irritable and at home some of my relatives were very aggressive with me especially because of my pessimistic attitude. By aggressive I don't necessarily mean physical but I have been hit before and I also became destructive with property after I was hit.

My parents and grandparents knew that if they hit me, especially if I didn't do something that warranted punishment I frequently blew up. I felt that I was so unlucky that the Bad Karma That was supposed to go to the police for hurting me was instead shove back to me and the bullies get away with bullying me and I get their bad Karma punishment for being so unlucky.

I began to research how to break curses on the computer and I couldn't find any, so I decided to make some up on my own and I began to follow General Superstition like don't walk on the cracks and what am I first rituals was literally that if I stepped on a crack I had to walk back the entire Street block and walk back without stepping on any cracks.

That same year that I started my rituals, only 3 months after I started them my uncle who I had the time did not get along with move to Atlanta I got his room and my dad who I do not live with bought me a TV a PlayStation and even some video games and my mother brought me their old used computer that was still working like it was brand new since it was Windows XP.

And after a lot of good things began happening to me right as I begin my rituals, I began to do them more and more and more and I was worried that if I get caught by my parents they're going to think that this is unreasonable since I always thought this was unreasonable myself.

Never the less, within a few months I was caught doing my rituals and things became really bad for me especially when I began to reduce the frequency of my rituals, or so I thought.

Looking back it probably was all coincidences a good about things happening to me at the same moment I happened to reduce or increase the frequency of rituals. I mean I'm a person of science who is pursuing a degree in environmental science Associates degree in a community college and a plan major at a 4-year College to get a bachelor's degree in broadcast meteorology.

I do rituals now as a habit, not because of magical thinking or superstitious thinking. I live in in an independent residential apartment with 24-hour supervision, and I do not need it at all but because of my past history regarding my emotional Albert, though it was more than eight years ago and I'm in school now my parents want me to have 24 hour care. However, in the apartment that I live thieves had broken in through a fire escape and stolen several hundred dollars worth of money from me.

The staff assumed I was misplacing things because of my memory issues, however I have OCD and my room is super neat so I told them that they are wrong.

To prove them that it was not my fault that the items were missing, every day before I left I would make a video log of everywhere where my stuff was and what it was going to be like when I came home.

My parents decided to have me Mark my wires and other items that I fear will be stolen and I did catch one of the staff members with my charger and when I asked him to return it, he lied and told me it was his and I decided to take a picture of the charger and show it to my relatives who noted that they're the ones who put their mark on the charger and that the staff were stealing chargers from me.

I also began to assume that the staff were also stealing my money and I spent almost $200 buying a safe and a hidden camera to see what was going on with my stuff. My relatives took the hidden camera away in fear of alienating me with the staff members.

I need the staff members were not stealing the money, even though it looked very convincing.

Knowing this, I told the director of the agency I am in who is now in jail for bribing people that I needed a gate on my window and even she told me that the agency cannot provide me with the gate/lock due to state /a agency policy.

Today Thursday November 3rd 2016 is the one-year anniversary I noticed the most amount of money missing and a single time, $86 and I always checked my money to make sure it was there before I left the apartment and it angered me and shot me to discover that it was missing so I believe that either a staff member had something to do with it may be due to cleaning and put my money in a safe place or that somebody with ill-intent had stolen my money and I am fortunately concluded the second due to all the circumstances that happened and I did blame a staff member for stealing my money because I caught him red-handed several times stealing stuff from me.

Today's is the one year anniversary of having $86 stolen from me and what Triggered me into buying the safe and the hidden camera. I began noticing money missing even though I always put my money in a secret spot that only I knew where it was since about October of last year. The money was only small amounts at first making it appear like I was Missplacing it and that's what I said that first and that I was developing dementia at a very early age. Also, the staff would drilling that into my head for quite some time until I lost $86 and then they realized that I might be on to something.
What made me conclude that the Chargers were stolen from me and not that I misplaced them was because I always kept my adapter and my Chargers together and when I discovered my adapter in the living room, somewhere I never put it without a wire I knew that a staff member had either taking my wire or have you used it and forgot and where they put it. As mentioned earlier I eventually discovered that the staff member headstone my charges and I confronted him and asked him to give it back and since he began lying to me telling me it was his, I took took a photo of the charger and I showed my relatives and they knew it was mine since the blue Mark that they put on my charger was in the same exact spot that they put it in when they bought me the replacement charger.

I now keep all of my Chargers in the safe and I had reason to even consider it drilled my safe to the desk incase my safe will be taken away since it is small and lightweight.


Just four months later in March 2016, there was a breaking news report in many New York City news channels of Thieves striking Apartments with Through Fire escapes in one of the safest neighborhoods in the city.



And when I heard Queens, the borough I live in I decided to look up more information on the news and found out they were talking about the very block I was living in my apartment was one of the apartments that was hit.

I want to buy a lock to put up on the fire escape, but my agency says that because I have a disability AKA and I live in eight state sponsored Department Aspergers that I cannot have those locks on the fire escape, even though it is open from the inside and I'll come outside and I very well know how to operate those locks. The lock I have on the window is not very effective I believe and they can still enter the apartment by entering windows. Explain to me that the reason I cannot have the lock is for safety reasons.

I argued that I don't feel safe lving in my neighborhood being violated because of the robberies

However, I haven't had any incidents with that in the last several months since the thief most likely realize he was discovered due to the news media revealing that information and he probably has moved on to other neighborhoods to strike.