Depression and being a jerk

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I'm trying my hardest to get by with depression and be as functional as possible but it's causing such a rift within my family. They feel like I am being really horrible and that I don't even want to be involved with their lives and that isn't true. I know my depression can make me really self absorbed at times and even without depression I can be a dick but I really do care about my family. The only reason I haven't killed myself by now is because I don't want to hurt them, ffs.

I don't want my family to feel like they have to walk on eggshells for me. I'm taking my mental and physical health seriously by exercising more, eating sensibly and trying to manage my stress and anxiety. I'm taking a proactive approach to my mental health by asking for help more often from professionals and I do try to talk to my friends and family without annoying them too much. But it seems that despite all of this my interpersonal relationships have suffered greatly because I still can't control my behaviour at times.

The worst part is that my family are going through enough as it is and because of that we're all just arguing with each other so much more often. I want to be more supportive through their issues but I'm a) terrible with comforting others and b) a downer to be around.

I just don't want to hurt my family. What can I do to sort my s**t out?

it sounds like you could use some more help! I know my depression (and anxiety, etc.) have been most often under-treated, and I'm only now (at 46 years old) becoming aware of how big a problem it is. I know that I've been a serious jerk and lousy to be around when under-treated. I've seen multiple psychs, and multiple therapists, and I finally think I've found a good team. And I think the meds are key too. Life is a b**ch, but it should at least be manageable, so see if you can get some additional help. And hang in there!

I can empathize with you. What helps me is Sam-e to deal with my "blue" times. I've taken it for years. Check it out online to find out more about it. FYI: Walmart is the cheapest source locally; any business that sells supplements online will also have it.