Mental Illness Suggestions Please.

Post Reply New Topic

First off: Yes, I am against armchair diagnosis, but in this instance I have no choice. My mother is quickly leading to the assumption that my sister has Asperger's Syndrome, and I want to put a stop to it NOW.

My sister has this almost constant negativity, to the point that it distorts her physical perceptions of things too, e.g. "That single bed is tiny, it's smaller than other single beds" (it was the same size as a regular single bed). She can be laughing with you and acting fine one minute, and then suddenly out of nowhere, hates a person to their core. Her granddad had a "scary anger", and one of his sons was terrified of him, and so were his grandchildren. The granddad ended up in a mental hospital for reasons unknown. I am 100% certain my sister has inherited what he has, because she is also irrational and has a scary anger. Let me note:

a) My sister has never had trouble making friends. She's always fallen out with people, because she thought they were betraying her. She has been told she overreacts to things.

b) She's never had any sensory issues.

c) She's a big complainer.

d) She still falls out with people, because she is really nasty to them. I'm not the only person she's nasty to. She slags off a lot of people. Her partner has opened up to me before and admitted she was horrible to him, and at times was ready to kick her out of his house. He calls her his Führer.

e) The reason I think she is mentally ill is her behaviour is irrational, and controlling, and very pushy. She threatens people and people are afraid to tell her what she's doing is wrong.

f) As stated above, she has a scary anger, that comes out of nowhere. There's no cause of it especially, it just happens. She thinks of reasons for it (it's always other people) but they never make sense. It's all in her favour, she will try to get what she wants out of a situation, and she thrives on being self-righteous and telling people off.


She's very snooty, and one of the situations where she tried to get her own way, was when she was crying that she was skint and had no money (this happened again recently) and then spent £500 on a camera. She's not in debt or anything, it's just that she likes other people to spend money on her. She gets a kick out of it.

Another (petty) example is that I bought her a birthday present, and she wanted to take advantage of me by not buying one for my birthday. She does that to people, she likes to get things out of them. She's done this to me a couple of times before regarding birthday and Xmas presents. It's really pathetic. When she owes people money too, she won't pay them back.

Another time she tried to get at me, was when she went on holiday and brought back lots of food gifts for my mum and nan. She did this, and bought food gifts specifically on purpose, just so she could go to me, "I didn't get you *anything* because of your food allergies" and scolded me as if I chose to have food allergies on purpose. Bear in mind that all throughout our growing up, she had many more food allergies than me, and at one point could only eat potatoes. Yes, hypocracy runs through her veins.

An example from today, was that it panics me when people show up without prior warning. She did this again today, talked my nan into letting her and her kids (part of her manipulation tactics) into the house, and told me I was ruining nan's life. She says stuff like that, she will say all the things necessary to really bring down a person and make them feel awful.

One important point is that she's very jealous of me. She has said stuff like, "You took my mum away from me" and has warned me not to go near her boyfriend a few times.

I'm sorry I can't think of anything else to add at the moment. I really need a lead here though, maybe a suggestion would be able to get her the appropriate help she needs (and to leave me and my family the f*ck alone).

Could be a personality disorder.

https://psychcentral.com/disorders/borderline-personality-disorder-symptoms/

I have a three-prong test for sociopaths which works very well. Does the person:
- lie constantly
- apologize for doing something, and then do it again immediately
- say something, then deny saying it and get furious if confronted

My family all have one thing in common: They never apologise for anything.

They also have a thing (whenever I've ever apologised) of laying it on thick of how bad I was to have done that wrong thing. It's a big guilt trip.

My sister doesn't lie constantly, though she still lies and gets furious if confronted. Example being, she took an eclair of mine from the fridge without me asking. I asked her why and she said she was hungry. I asked her for a slice of salami from a packet she had, and she said it was her lunch. She then muttered with the most deepest hateful anger under her breath, "FAT. LUMP".

It really hurt because that was the final straw for me (this was years ago) and the family tried to laugh it off as being over food. It wasn't over food. She was being super personal and treating *me* with deep anger as if I was some awful human being that should be shot dead immediately. They've all always ignored and shrugged off her behaviour.

I'm getting really upset just by remembering this. Her anger is scary and makes me fear for my life. Nobody else has ever had that effect on me. I've never spoken to her properly ever since, though she is still exactly the same as she was. I mean it when I say her anger is scary.

Last edited by smudge on 18 Mar 2017, 1:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Maybe it is some kind of personality disorder.

There is a quote I stumbled on once when reading up on borderline:

“They love without measure those whom they will soon hate without reason.”, by Thomas Sydenham, an English 17th century physician. Does this describe your sister? Borderline is a badly understood disorder.

I guess it can be hard to work out the motivation behind your sister's behavior. But sociopaths tend to have a plan behind what they do, less so with borderlines. If what she does is truly irrational, and she really sabotages herself, then borderline is a lot more likely. You probably know her better than anyone else.

Because borderlines have such a problem with rejection, I assume dealing with an inexpressive aspie can be like a red flag to a bull for them.

This is just armchair theorising, though. Perhaps your sister needs an official diagnosis of some kind?

I just spent a few minutes yesterday thinking about something that has puzzled me for years. I've had several people in my life get really awestruck, almost worshipful about me when we first met. It creeped me out. Then later, most of those same people flipped at some point, and began to consider me the worst demon ever. I had been thinking it was something about me, but I'd feel really relieved to learn that they simply have a disability which caused that behavior.

She doesn't have addictions, or go from high to low erratic behaviour. She's not intense, except when she's angry. It's not an intenseness that's overloaded with energy though. No screaming or shouting, or throwing/breaking anything. It's a deep anger, but not energetic. She doesn't have highs of happiness, she's mostly down. She doesn't have plans or get herself into trouble.

Does she seemed depressed or like she experiences delusions

I don't know how much help a diagnosis will offer if she doesn't accept that she has a problem. If I can't avoid that type of person, I stop trying to reason with them and switch to operant conditioning. It's cold, but the only effective solution I have.

She's definitely depressed. She sees negativity in everything.

Also, she's very shallow and highly judgemental. Delusions? Well, she certainly says odd things. She will come up with odd things every now and then, like for instance when I was going to go on a date; I had a cold, and she told me not to blow my nose during my date. I said to her, "But I have a runny nose" and she said I shouldn't blow my nose during my date.

Also, she'll put table manners above what anyone in my family cares about. For instance she'll frown at me to wait until everyone is seated before eating, even if everyone keeps insisting it's fine for us to eat. And this isn't even going out anywhere, just eating a meal at home.

She puts a lot of pressure on herself to appear good. She has a massive issue with self image and appearing to a standard in front of others. The worst thing you could do to her is show her up in any way. She would hate you. Well, nothing stops her from hating anyway.

A diagnosis of ANYTHING other than AS would do, because she simply does not have it. My mum is mad to diagnose horrible people with AS. It is a f*cking INSULT to be regarded as even slightly like my f*cking evil b***h of a sister.

And Hell yes, I avoid my sister like the clappers.

My mum wants to avoid accepting the fact that my sister is purposely threatening, and horrible to people, and purposely creates situations that disrupts and upset everybody. She loves it.

It seems likely that people will continue to confuse autism with anti-social personality disorders. I get really upset by that, too.

I've taken a lot of abuse from people with personality disorders, but I've watched people I love take worse, and go back for more. The idea of being confused with one of those people on the basis of occasional similarities in presentation infuriates me.

However, not all people with personality disorders end up as abusers, and some hardcore sociopaths do a lot of good in the world while causing only minor problems for the people around them. Talking therapy makes them worse, ironically, in the abusive cases, by helping them develop their social mask. Cognitive-behavioral therapy might also work; I doubt that my strategy will find much favor with doctors. I hope you can get her some kind of help, but I predict that it won't be cheap if it's effective.

Yes, it hurts an awful lot. I'm not sure what can be done to convince my mother though.

I honestly doubt my sister can get some help either. She's in denial for a start. The rest of the family is too, I've made a post before on how they all believe she's always "getting better" or "isn't as bad as she used to be", and it's all 100% bollocks.

Thanks for listening jrjones9933.

Just being me, but thanks for appreciating that. I think a lot of people will read this thread and relate.

Some mental illnesses are not typical, it could be a mood disorder where medication would definitely help. My brother when he was unmedicated was totally delusional and started increasingly going into these terrible rages, he was diagnosed bipolar with psychotic features before but the latest hospitalization where they dx'd him as schizophrenic but either way it's basically the same medication. He gets shots now that last a couple months, doing a lot better than he was last year.