My obsession about ASDs might be misplaced...

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I have been told by mental health professionals before I might have an ASD and I've been absolutely obsessed over it. But the reality is they have told me even though I had social skills problems documented in my past, I have over come those issues now.

For sure now I have bipolar and possibly borderline, and my meltdowns/anger issues could be explained by those instead of an ASD. Still doesn't explain my past lack of social skills and to this day my "special interests", but maybe I'm focusing on ASDs so much I am not catching the big picture and working on what is actually serious.

I still wonder what was wrong with me as a child. All the evidence points to childhood mood disorder, like childhood bipolar or maybe even the new diagnosis DMDD because as a child my disorder was meltdown heavy as in classroom disrupting. My caseworker wants me to get those old records again to prove I was a disabled child and deserve more disability money a month. Would really bring back those memories though of being so different and not understanding why. As an adult I still feel so out of step with normal people.

Childhood bipolar is rare. You likely have ASD but havent met a health professional who has bothered enough to go all the way to assess you fully. Find someone who all they do is specialize with autistic adults and get assessed once and for all do you can put it to rest. I had doctors who said I had Asperger's or HFA in the years before I got properly assessed and diagnosed. Because those previous doctors lacked the expertise to formally diagnose me I was bounced back and forth between diagnoses as well including bs like schizoaffective and schizoid when I really had ASD.

My history is as a kid I had ADHD-like behavior, ASD like behavior such as having to go to social skills therapy and being obsessed with particular topics, and for some reason horrendous meltdowns. The meltdowns ended late-teens/early twenties where I went to college/had my jobs. Then when I was 25 I started having distinct mania and depression episodes, the mania with psychosis. Some other traits of mine like relationship issues, etc... resemble borderline. I take bipolar meds for the depression, mania and psychosis and they do their job, but other problems especially with moods persist and the meltdowns came back.

The closest I actually came to being diagnosed with an ASD was a few years ago when my psychatrist wanted me to start DBT therapy. I went to this therapist office where they started off with individual sessions before putting me in the DBT group. I had a few sessions with one therapist, then they switched me to another lady. I said nothing beforehand about me suspecting I had an ASD but suddenly they revealed they thought I had it. I was given the AQ test and the RAADS scale which scored positive. They actually diagnosed me and they wanted me to go into therapy for it but my psychiatrist found out and she was angry for some reason and said their diagnosis didn't count and I needed to attend DBT somewhere else. I've had a couple psychatrists in the past think I had it too "mild" for an actual dx and said my bipolar was a much more severe/important issue.

Whether your bipolar is a "more important issue" or not, a proper diagnosis of ASD is still important for any part of your healthcare team to get the full picture of what you are dealing with especially since you post a lot about struggling with meltdowns. The self validation is important for your mental wellbeing as well, putting a label to what you have gone through your whole life, to know you it wasnt just all in your head.

I was actually in a DBT program as well when the psychiatrist there said I probably had Asperger's though she never bothered to pursue it at the time when I wish she had. It would have saved me a lot of problems not only in my healthcare team's understanding of what I was dealing with but also understanding from my family that I didnt get because I wasnt diagnosed and the mental health issues that arose from the lack of understanding and validation I had about my own life.

Angnix, your meltdowns seem to come dependably at times of great stress, and often there is an interpersonal aspect to this (often, being let down by your uncle). I think you should pursue the formal assessment for ASD, and also work on knowing your triggers and taking care to de-escalate early.

Since you are possibly relocating for a job, I wouldn't pursue these things immediately but wait until you know where you're living, then get on a waiting list for ASD assessment, and find a psychotherapist to work with while you are waiting.

You've had a great deal of distress in your life, but I feel you are a deserving person and have the potential to live much more calmly and successfully.

Yeah, so much is up in the air right now with my life. Just last week I brought up ASDs with my caseworker and she said "I wasn't really thinking that but maybe?" People in the past that have said I had Asperger's say they were familiar with people on the spectrum and they could pick it out in me.

Ion't even know if we are moving soon or not. Heck even just with my husbands newfound money we might decide to live somewhere different. First thing he wants to do is take me on vacation somewhere, isn't that sweet? My family started treating us so nice but I see through stuff like that.

Oh, and since my insurance changed I was wondering if that would make it easier or harder to get a formal assessment somewhere, being a Medicaid/Medicare duel recipient.

People say it's expensive and hard to get a diagnosis of adult autism in America, but I didn't find it that hard, it just took a lot of time. Now I have pretty decent private pay group insurance, but I think having both Medicaid and Medicare ought to give you more than just having Medicaid. The way to approach this is that you have had it suggested you might have an ASD, and it would help you to manage your lifestyle and your psychiatric disorders if you knew. It's not like they can then give you the magic pill or anything, but rather, the knowledge will help you manage your life and your psychiatric illness more successfully.

Don't approach this like you will settle for being put off by remarks like "What good will it do you to have that assessment done, since there is no cure?" If they try to tell you that, just repeat what I said about better managing your life and your psychiatric illness. I think I would probably start with whatever psychiatrist you see for the bipolar, ask them to make a referral. Or maybe you can self-refer on Medicare? I don't know.