I want to be normal sometimes

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Sometimes I feel like I cannot manage my life like other people. I dont deal with stress very well. I hate talking to people unless I know them. I feel like people hate me. I also get a lot of paranoid thoughts. I take 10 mg of abilify every day. I also have Autism. I also struggle with sadness sometimes.

Other people I know are moving out of their parents houses. I feel so lazy and incompetent. I dont even have a job. I dont know if I could manage a job interview. Some days I wish I could just be normal. It would be just a bit easier. I would probably be able to deal with my stress better. I would also quit having paranoid thoughts. They get so bad sometimes. I start to think that people hate me and that they want bad things to happen to me. I also feel like they want to keep me down and they manipulate me to keep me feeling bad about myself. Even though they say they want to help. The medication helps with this.

I don't think I really want to be normal. Despite all my struggles I still don't think i'dwant to the reason, Is while i might be disabled in some ways I am gifted in others.

Is difficult. I mean... I did ok up until the last few years. I mean... Well. I masked my way through life. I am not saying I did exceptionally well because I would change jobs when the masks wore out so I could start a new job masking all over again with new people.. So it was not exactly ideal...

But I can understand that each of us is different.

But what I want to say is don't feel bad about yourself.

I can relate to a lot of what you said. I was really behind all of my peers and even now, after finally getting my independence, I still notice gaps between me and them. It sucks.

See my signature...