My father had AS and Antisocial PD (I like psychopath better, but it doesn't matter). He wasn't too violent. He was cruel to animals but would rather use emotional abuse to put others down/get what he wanted from them. He definitely could be violent though at the drop of a hat. He was in the drug game. I thought it funny that he still had fear about himself though when I lacked it. It kinda made me understand psychopaths better. He couldn't understand why some things bothered me when I fell apart, which again, made me understand them better. No empathy for them, except for him from me. I understand and feel for narcissists as they don't have the same violence, and they tend to lack cruelty to animals and any verbal cruelty they use on humans is there to shield themselves.
I sorta had a little envy how tough he could appear since I've always been such an emotional and social pushover, and he never was (of course). I ended up being stronger than him in that I'm helping the one he should have, and I'm not afraid like he was.
I still cared about him, even after he left. Because dad, and they still throw you a bone now and again to make you feel like you're something (even if they don't actually feel anything for you), which in that abusive relationship, makes you forget about all of the bad things they do to you (like an abused dog).
He taught me some useful things.
11 Mar 2022, 9:40 pm
