People who let their sexuality define their personality.

Post Reply New Topic

What are your thoughts on them?

Most gay people i have met in my life seem to make being gay a bigger issue than it should be. like If they go out drinking they only go to gay clubs and not normal bars. They only want to be friends with other gays and girls, and they always refere to the girls as "fag hags".

I dont understand why every little thing has to be about sexuality.

I think that, like most people, gay people like to have a sense of community, and the LGBT community gives them that. I don't think it's about their sexuality as much as it is an excuse to form social groups. People with ASD might not feel that urge as strongly, so we may have trouble understanding that type of thing.

I'd be willing to bet you've met plenty of gay people who aren't like that and you just don't realize that they are gay.

The fact that you use the word "normal" to describe bars that are not specifically for gays and lesbians speaks volumes. Gays and lesbians want to be in bars where expressing affection/attraction to the same gender is treated as what it is--normal. "Every little thing is about sexuality" for heterosexuals, too, it is just that their orientation happens to be treated as normal by mainstream culture so they don't have to go out of their way to find acceptance for their sexual and romantic behavior.

^^^ That.

Many heterosexual people place a photo of their sweetheart on their desk at work, proudly wear engagement and wedding rings, have very public wedding ceremonies, hold hands and kiss in public, and constantly bring up their spouses in conversations ("my wife says..."). And most heterosexual singles are constantly on the search for a partner, or for the next one-night stand.

Add to that the typical conversations between hetero men -- dirty jokes, bragging about sexual ecounters, and comments like "look at that ass" or "I would so do her" -- and one can't help but wonder: Is it really necessary to display one's heterosexuality that openly? Why do heteros have to make everything about sex?

^ I thought about that when I've seen a graffiti that said something like [name of guy] + [name of girl] forever. You'd think gays express themselves just like heterosexuals, but I never saw gay street art being as legitimate as this.

Almost every action straight people take exposes their heterosexuality. Why shouldn't gays be the same way?

I don't check my sexuality at the door when I leave the house. Being gay is not just about my sexual activity, it is about my family, it shapes my political views, it has had a profound impact on my understanding of community--not just the gay community but also communities in general. It is a fundamental characteristic of who I am. Frankly the only thing that is a "bigger" issue than being gay (for me) is being a human being.

At the end of the day, if living in a free society is to mean anything at all, it means accepting that other people will make choices that you don't understand or that you dislike. Furthermore, it means accepting that they are not wrong.

"I accept your right to be mistaken," is not acceptance. It is tolerance and patronizing.

"I disagree with you, but that doesn't make you incorrect," is acceptance.

So they make more of being gay that you do. There's nothing wrong with either them or you.

Ok, I guess I can see what you guys are saying.

I guess its just that homosexuality stands out more because it isnt seen as normal in a hetro society. But saying that I dont like it an any form, I dont like when Hetro people go round talking about sexuality all the time either (though i dont notice it as offen).

[quote="CrazyCatLord"][quote="Selena"]The fact that you use the word "normal" to describe bars that are not specifically for gays and lesbians speaks volumes. Gays and lesbians want to be in bars where expressing affection/attraction to the same gender is treated as what it is--normal. "Every little thing is about sexuality" for heterosexuals, too, it is just that their orientation happens to be treated as normal by mainstream culture so they don't have to go out of their way to find acceptance for their sexual and romantic behavior.[/quote]

^^^ That.

Many heterosexual people place a photo of their sweetheart on their desk at work, proudly wear engagement and wedding rings, have very public wedding ceremonies, hold hands and kiss in public, and constantly bring up their spouses in conversations ("my wife says..."). And most heterosexual singles are constantly on the search for a partner, or for the next one-night stand.

Add to that the typical conversations between hetero men -- dirty jokes, bragging about sexual ecounters, and comments like "look at that ass" or "I would so do her" -- and one can't help but wonder: Is it really necessary to display one's heterosexuality that openly? Why do heteros have to make everything about sex? :)[/quote]
their preoccupation with sex is usually due to their lack of occupation with sex.

An interesting intellectual experiment you might want to try is to start observing how often you see people being openly, flagrantly (hetero)sexual.

--Politicians do it all the time--"Look at me at my loving spouse of the opposite gender and the offspring resulting from our heterosexual intercourse." is implied in nearly every political campaign. But if gay politicians use the same kind of images in their campaigns, think how differently many people would react.

--How many times do you see an old married couple hold hands in the street or otherwise show affection, like touching the spouse on the arm, brushing back hair, etc. Lots of little gestures that make people go "aw, how sweet, they still love each other" when it is a man and a woman who have been married for some time. Now think about the reaction if it was a same-sex couple of similar age and demeanor expressing affection in the same non-sexually explicit way (no groping, no lip-locks)

--If you live in the US, when prom season rolls around, notice the photos in your community newspaper of happy couples all dressed up to have their big night. Chances are all those couples are heterosexual and if you do see a picture of a same-gender couple, it is a story about how upset people are that these people want to go to the prom together.

--When you see movie posters, how often do they openly display heterosexual romance or lust? Same thing for ads on television. Now think about how people react if the exact same thing is depicted with lesbians or gay men.

When you are part of the privileged group, prejudice against those defined as "other" is often largely invisible. Many straight people think homophobia only exists when some major incident like a hate crime occurs or if someone uses hate language. The truth is that the prejudice is always there, always completely visible to the people outside the mainstream because to some extent it limits their ability to live their lives as normal people.

I heard today of a gay couple, together for 20 years, who have been living abroad for several years, in a country where their partnership is recognized. Now one of them has an offer for a good job in the States, but they have to weigh the high salary against the fact that they would have no legal status as a couple in the state where they would live. Once straight people start incorporating these kind of facts into their understanding of gay rights issues, it's like taking off a pair of blinders and suddenly having an astonishingly widened field of vision to understand the world. Same thing with white people truly seeing racism or any other privileged group de-cloaking the notions of "normal", including NT's gaining some understanding of how life is for people on the spectrum.

You sound like my Sociology prof (which isn't a bad thing).

Also, consider the possibility that these people who prefer to stick to gay clubs are uncomfortable in public places that aren't gay clubs or gay bars, or their LGBT group. Further consider that they have very good reasons to be uncomfortable (especially if they live in southern states) even if, in an ideal world, they would have no reason to be uncomfortable at all.

So when they go to the gay bars, etc. it is a liberating experience for them. I know that I don't like going out in public or discussing my sexuality with anyone except extremely close friends, or in anonymous form only (such as on the WrongPlanet forums). I don't even list my city of residence on this site for fear that it will come back to bite me somehow.

Last edited by Magdalena on 16 Feb 2012, 4:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.

The United States is an intensely homophobic nation compared to other developed countries, even in places you wouldn't expect. All the bulleted points you made are solid. They passed the Civil Rights Act but, for example, employers still can (and still do) fire or otherwise not hire people on the basis of their race or sexuality, giving cover reasons for their termination of (or refusal to hire) a given employee. And the cover reasons are always swallowed hook, line and sinker, either out of agreement or ignorance.

Just to reiterate, a huge majority of straight people unconsciously advertise their orientation all the time. Also, just about any bar that isn't designated as "Gay" might as well be called a "Straight bar", because dollars to donuts every drunk in there is gonna assume that the people surrounding them are straight unless it's indicated otherwise.

I no longer drink or go to bars but I'd rather go to a gay bar than a straight one because I don't want heterosexual men coming on to me.