Why do people think homosexuality is a choice?

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Peace and love was meant, even if I am wrong.

May I try another example, hopefully a less offensive one?

If someone is born left-handed (I am) that person can choose to use his/her right hand anyway, even if it feels unnatural. Likewise, a gay person can choose not to have homosexual encounters. I am not saying they SHOULD. Only that they CAN. Whether or not they should is not for me to decide.

(assuming that the choice not to have homosexual encounters would imply the choice then to force heterosexual encounters in order to live a "normal" life or have a "normal" family .. ) having sex with someone one does not feel an attraction toward or a desire for is not just "unnatural" in the way that - (to humor another analogy that corrupts the issue by implying that denying one's love interests or sexuality could be a minor inconvenience that one could merely acclimate to without any harm done to the person's wellbeing, which i do not believe at all) - writing with the non-dominant hand might; it could feel very violating and at least completely invalidating.

i'll try to make my point better: if you or anyone else desires that other people should deny and suffocate their true nature, simply because it makes you uncomfortable, i don't know how you can hold such a cruel philosophy without questioning it. what is the agenda for such a belief system? how and why would it make you feel better if gay people denied their sexuality? it would do nothing but harm them. do you wish them misery? if not, i misunderstand why you would make the point about choosing. i would make the point that no, someone cannot choose to be someone they are not, at least not without accepting a life of (unnecessary) great pain and demolishing their self-esteem.

I think we are arriving at the same conclusion from different angles. No dissension is meant here.

I've known people to be severely messed up, neurologically, from being forced to use their right hands when they are left-handed. Some of them are my own family members. It is not a minor inconvenience. It is a full-blown assault on their nervous systems.

I merely meant that a person can choose to abstain, or to have sex with someone more "acceptable," for lack of a better word. I am not advocating that one does make that choice, only saying that it is within the realm of possibility. So is my choosing to write with my right hand, but I won't.

For the record, I am not in the least bothered by homosexuality. I did state that I have a gay brother, and that I love him. I must also note that I have never voted against gay rights, and I never will. Any time I see one of those "marriage protection" petitions being circulated, I firmly refuse to sign. I am 100% in favor of people living their own lifestyles. It doesn't affect me one bit.

The question was asked, "Why do people think homosexuality is a choice?" My intention was to answer that some people think, since abstinence or sex with the opposite gender can physically be done, then it must follow that doing things another way means that *the orientation* is a choice. The orientation is not; homosexual sex is. Does this mean it is the "wrong" choice? I never said that.

Do you choose to be asexual?

See my point? It's the same with being gay. They don't choose it just like you don't choose to be asexual. But I don't understand how you choose that.

I think I know what lovebirdsflying is trying to say. Gays choose to have sex with other men and lesbians choose to have sex with other women just like we all choose to have sex. I don't care what our minds want, we choose to act on it. It's the same with pedophila, they don't choose to be a pedophile but they sure do choose to act on it.

Except pedophiles hurt people when they act on their urges. Last I checked, me having sex with another woman didn't hurt anyone.

And I wasn't trying to say it did.

Notice I compared homosexuality to alcoholism (bad form on me) and left-handedness, but I did not compare it to pedophilia. Which hand I write with doesn't hurt anyone else either, but an uncle of mine used to be rapped on the knuckles with a ruler for using his left hand in class. Whap! "Put that pencil in the other hand." Yet what would it have hurt to let him be left-handed?

But thank you, League_Girl, for understanding me. I am really not trying to make anybody feel condemned.

Left-handedness isn't a very good comparison, either. Left handers can learn to use their right hand, but a lesbian can't learn to be attracted to men.

And yeah... you already know alcoholism was bad.

Sure, we know the act is separate to the urge. Still, I have to wonder why anti-gay people feel the need to separate them when they don't separate the two for straight couples. Seems a bit hypocritical to me.

I understood what you meant and I did not feel condemned or anything. I thought you handled it diplomatically. I liked the left/right hand comparison, by the way... I do not know that I agree with you though. I think that in this case it does not matter if you act on it or not, if you are gay you are gay regardless if you ever sleep with someone of the same sex or not. I am married to a man, but I am still bisexual. Regardless of my relationship with my man, I am still attracted to both men and women. My action or inaction changes nothing about my own sexual orientation. But I can see why some people might see things the way you explain them... At least it is a better thought out answer than people who just bark "It's a choice" to you and never back it up with a reason. I hate that.... when I ask people why it's a choice and they tell me because it's a choice. What kind of non-answer type answer is that... they might as well say "I grow my own hair" for how silly an answer that is.

"The act is separate to the urge" was all I was trying to say. I do, however, also point that out with straight people, because as unpopular as it is nowadays, I advocate abstinence until marriage (while fully supporting the rights of gays to marry.) Saying "it just happened, I couldn't help myself, it was a natural urge," doesn't cut it with me because neither gays nor straights, in the realm of my idealism, should submit to promiscuity or adultery.

These are my opinions and are not meant to be forced on anyone else.

I repeat my offer of love and peace, and apologize for offending.

EDIT to acknowledge Dossa posting at the same time I did. Hi there. Thanks for understanding. I've heard gay virgins asked, "How do you know you're gay if you've never had sex with someone of your own gender?" Funny that people never seem to ask straight virgins how they know they're straight. Yes, a gay virgin is still gay. What I don't understand is why someone will hate on that person, citing a written code that as a virgin, he or she did not actually break.

It should be noted that I have also questioned my own sexuality. I am a woman, and I find looking at a woman's body more appealing than looking at a man's. There are other reasons why I question, but I don't know if it would be appropriate to say it here. I am married to a man, and plan to stay that way. In this way I "choose" to live a straight lifestyle, but there are parts of me that are not 100% heterosexual.

ok. well, let's go backward for a minute. first you said the "lifestyle" is a choice and that sounds quite similar to what homophobic types and "marriage values" family activists say. the "lifestyle," they say, is hedonistic, promiscuous, etc. and they do not want to expose their children to it. this is an ignorant view that reduces homosexuals to animals whose lives revolve on acting on their sexual urges. plenty of heterosexuals go through a phase like that, but we just send them to Yale.

joke. but not really.

responsible dialogue about the matter is important. saying homosexual sex is a choice is irresponsible dialogue. i apologize if i put words in your mouth. but if you're going to say the lifestyle is a choice and make that distinction, that the lifestyle = actually having sex, people will assume what i have assumed in regards to your attitude about it.

Everyone is born a sexual being you can not help what your attracted to its simply biology but homophobes are ignorant of such things they have a conservative fundamentalist veiw on the subject which I why im apolitical I dont care about politics or the goverment

Well, I am certainly glad there is no animosity here.

I want to point out a couple of things. One, I am perfectly aware that even if a gay/lesbian were to "renounce" homosexuality, marry the opposite sex, be faithful to the spouse, and raise biological children, that person is STILL gay/lesbian. Nothing changed.

Two, although I am a conservative as far as religious beliefs go, I am a political liberal. You can imagine the internal and external conflict this sometimes causes, and the issue of homosexuality is a prime example.

That would make a lot of sense actually. It's faulty logic of course, but that would explain why people come to this conclusion. After all, I've felt attracted to girls before--just not sexually. So I assume strait guys might occasionally feel a non-sexual attraction to other guys. The fact that they don't act on these would make them believe they'd made a choice. Doesn't occur to them that maybe some people have it reversed. So my original point is still valid: these people are stupid.

How does genetic predisposition not make it a choice?

I am built like a gorilla and like a chimp, a teeth baring smile means I want to rip your limbs off. I am genetically predisposed to do so, however I choose not to do so.

Someone who is genetically predisposed for anything may choose to override that predisposition. That is the purpose of that relatively expensive wrinkly gray thing in our skulls. It lets us re-purpose and adapt faster than evolution alone.

So whether you are heterosexual, homosexual, or homocidal even, you still have choices. Genetic predispostion says nothing of the value of your choices. The polarized sides around LGBT issues all try to use biology as a justification or excuse. While an understanding of biological and genetic predispositions may aid in understanding the roots of behaviors and norms, it is a logical fallacy to assume that such understanding or interpretations of such understanding implies social, moral, or ethical value of any position.

My question was simply "Why do people think homosexuality is a choice?" The reason for this is people seem to be very judgmental about the topic and people might ask "Why can't you just change yourself?" Gay people can't change to being straight, straight don't make a conscious decision to be gay, ect.

Humans aren't completely built like chimps and gorillas. Our behavior is different. In humans, a teeth baring smile can mean anything from "I'm smiling to mask some negative emotions so people don't ask what's wrong" to "Hey, world! What a beautiful day, I'm just in the best mood ever!". We aren't so simple.

I'm just addressing the fact that some assume it's a choice, others not, and I want to know the arguments behind it. Like LP0rc said, we have a choice. We have a choice to go against our "predisposition" or not. However, going against may have its consequences, simple or complex.

I see why people use the "biological" argument, but then again, I also understand LP0rc's point of view.