What exactly constitutes a "gay lifestyle?"

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Originally coined by some psychologist crony of Freud's, if t'interweb is to be trusted.

I feel like we're mostly arguing over semantics here. I think we can agree that with the exception of the romantic aspects, a gay person's lifestyle is very similar to a straight person's. However, being gay, and the implications of it, will obviously have an effect on outlook and personality, if only to make you generally more liberal--(what I'd think of as an aspect of one's identity, but evidently not everyone would agree with that assessment) but that is true of many things, including interests, area in which you were born, social class, etc. etc.

In my oppinion, the person who coined it is an anti-homosexuality jerk, who probably thought that homosexuality was a 'mental condition' (:roll:), that gays want to broadcast their sex, make everyone else be gay, and stupid stuff like that. Then other people looked at that and thought, "Hmm. I guess 'lifestyle' fits at least some way, given that gays are hated....."

Homosexuality is just that, sexual orientation and nothing else. People with extreme prejudices make it out to be much more than what it is, especially religious bigots.

Speaking as a homosexual, I find that point of view somewhat demeaning, because it denies the possibility of a distinct gay culture.

Is being black just skin colour and nothing else? I say most assuredly not. There is a wealth of history, art, literature and music that tells us that black people have a distinct and thriving cultural identity. Is being deaf a disability and nothing else? Again, I say most assuredly not. The distinction between, "deaf," and, "Deaf," has everything to do with cultural identity. Is being female a biological sex and nothing else? Of course not.

While I recognize the laudable aim of identifying all people as worthy and equal, regardless of sex, sexual orientation, race, religion or physical ability, that approach runs the risk of creating the message that the distinct historical, political, legal and artistic history of a disctinct class of people has no value. My sexual orientation may be defined by my sexual behavior, but that is not the sum total of who I am--it's not even the sum total of who I am as a gay man. To reduce my sexuality to behavioral determinism is to put me back in a 1950's closet.

The company that I keep is influence by my sexuality. The films that I choose to watch, the music that I have chosen to study, the literature to which I am drawn, the artistic activties in which I engage are all influenced by my sexuality. My voting and my spending are influenced by my sexuality. My participation on this board is influence by my sexuality.

This sort of fits in with some of what I've been learning in a sociology course (unfortunately, I don't think my textbook has a chapter looking at sexual orientation and how it impacts someone's place in society--just the more traditional gender studies). To start with, sociologists recognize that although we are all unique, our uniqueness comes from "a constellation of shared characteristics". For example, I might be unique in that I am a gay, atheist, Canadian, science student, who supports a transition to democratic socialism and an ecologically friendly economy, loves musicals (for that matter, loves some specific musicals), comes from a smaller city, is very cheap (usually), loves to read, travels quite a lot, has AS... However, my uniqueness comes from the sum of all of those, meaning each contributes a certain thing, and without it, I would be a slightly different person. Thus, even if I wouldn't call it a lifestyle, I think being gay does become an aspect of one's identity.

Being gay affects what roles in life we will play (it is harder to be a father, for example), which in turn affect parts of our identity (the "self"). Also, because historically (and in many places still today) gays have been persecuted, that tends to increase social solidarity/development of a support structure (well, when it's at the point that someone can be openly gay without fear of hanging, but when the rest of society doesn't accept them), leading to a subculture. That's not to say that everyone, probably not even most (I don't have a clue what the numbers are like), would play a big part in the subculture, but a subculture certainly exists.

As visagrunt said, it effects what sort of media one would allow into their home (for example, I would not listen to a Christian radio station or watch Fox News), and the media will have an affect on the development of the self. Politically I'm sure that gays would be, on average, more liberal (socially) than straights. Of course, in North America, that would also result in them likely voting more to the left-wing (I pity any gay libertarians, even though I'm most definitely not a libertarian, in the USA--you'd have to choose between a party that hates you and a party that encourages big government). I don't know if I'd call the result of these things (and others which I haven't thought of) a lifestyle, but certainly an aspect of one's self.

at what point can it be said, that self-ghetto-ization begins? just wondering...

When you only hang around other gay people? Rather than choosing to be around both gay people and straight people who are allies.

i would submit that it is also when one expends insufficient energy in thinking outside the box of self-concept, or of breaking out of common stereotypes just to set the tone with people. i do so without even trying, because i can't be stylish even at gunpoint. i can't be a social butterfly even if threatened with a mullet haircut. i can't look like a chisled greek statuesque taut muscular tanned babe no matter what i eat or do, my genes won't allow it. i couldn't dance even if ya shot at the ground at my feet. most so-called gay entertainments make me wanna hurl. i feel utterly like an anachronism or outlier in what gay world i've been able to find [99% vicariously via the web and tv programming] out here in greater hooterville as well as my infrequent forays into a somewhat gay-abundant state capitol city. i lack the currency required in the gay world that i can comprehend. i can't even seem to make sense with people [especially the very few gayfolk i've managed to bump into], like me and thee are each from a different planet.

I'm not persuaded that self-ghettoization is, ipso facto a bad thing. For some, certainly. When I was a young man, I immersed myself in the gay community--I lived in the gay village, I worked in a gay professional practice and my social life (such as it was) centred around the gay community. I quickly (within 3 months) realized that I needed to be around some straight people for a while. Being exclusively in the company of gay people is empowering, but it is not the sole answer.

But that still comes down to the issue of choice. I chose to live in the ghetto, and then I chose to insert some balance. (Ironically, it was only when I started to hang around some straight people that I met my partner.)

ohmygosh....


I have been going out for dinner too often.


with gay friends...

So this is definitely part of the gay lifestyle where I live.

I like to cook and save a little money mmm... and New Zealanders usually go out for meals for special occasions only. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_Zealand_cuisine
mmm...

like this


and perhaps I need to engage further with my straight friends, arh a lady friend has the "I'm a gay guy" built into her head, it's starting to get annoying when she is drunk at a party yelling out I'm gay, her gay friend... anyway.... perhaps the other party goers are listening and I'm grabbing their attention mmm back to my straight men mmm