Gay Aspergers !

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I'm 17, so that counts as being in your age group. :p

I'm 21....feel like an old man.

I am 23 and feel like 15.

CactusKid your still young and active i bet your enjoy taking your walking stick to nightclub and that and i feel old at my age.

it would be cool to chat to people around the london area 13 to 21

30, gay, aspie, Bay Area, coupled with awesome NT, technical trainer.

One of my employees introduced me to the guy who is now my husband. He had met him at a party and thought we'd hit it off. We did.

You can explain that what you've seen of gay culture doesn't seem to fit your personality, without dissing it. And you may find that there are parts of gay culture where you feel at home. Or not. From what I see (in gay mecca San Francisco), most gay men don't really feel like they fit in naturally to any part of the scene.

But, that doesn't mean you can't enjoy parts of it.

I don't think that there is a "gay culture," aside from the angles presented by the media (e.g., "look at us nice rich white people who only want to get marriiiiiieed" from the mainstream GLBT groups, and "homo orgies in YOUR child's playroom? more on that story tonight at 10" from conservative news networks).

I'm a lesbian and butch, but I know that when I was a kid, I was obsessed with "getting a boyfriend," which in my lexicon at the time meant "being accepted by my peers." I was bullied pretty badly, and the way I interpreted middle school, having a boyfriend was like having the immunity idol on Survivor. No one could touch you.

And AS presents some other issues. Once, someone asked me how I "knew" I was gay if I "couldn't understand love" (her words, not mine). I wasn't sure how to respond. Anyone had to deal with similar questions?

(no similar questions, i know love, i know passion)

PM me yall

I never quite understood that stereotype. Hi. I'm also gay, and I am masculine (in the sense that I am not feminine - in no way am I masculine in the way our popular culture says I should be), and I am attracted to masculine men. In fact, I seem to be only attracted to straight men. Not a single gay man I have ever met IRL ever interested me. A very sad curse.

Kind of bugs me when, in the past, people have asked "so who's the man in the relationship and who's the woman?".

Why do humans have it in their head that gender is anything more than a question of what genitals you have?

Neither is the woman, because we both have p*n*s's, so we are both men.

For the same reason why some humans get it in their head that being gay is not a psychopathology, but instead may be a natural part of human diversity. If you are one of the 90+ percent of people who are not gay, you might get the impression that people who are gay are mental cases of some sort, simply because their sexuality is foreign to you. A majority of that magnitude will tend to tyranically enforce its opinion on the minority, unless the minority fights back with visibility, enlightenment and the truth in their corner.

You are speaking as one of the 99.99+% of people whose genetic, genital, gonadal, and neurological (at least the gender identity part) expressions of sex are synchonised. There is a tiny minority for whom this is not true, and these various expressions of sex are misaligned. Are you saying that this is not possible? Does that mean intersexed and transsexual people are just mental cases, just because there are so few of them, or because their gender identity is foreign to you?

People who expect gay couples to have a "man" and a "woman" are misinformed and clueless, but choose to speak anyway, assuming (one has to presume) that their own experience must extend to all others. Don't look now, but you're doing the same thing.

It isn't hard to understand, just from the numbers alone, that the vast majority of gay people will not have gender identity issues - gay people outnumber intersex/transsexual people by something like 100 to 1, if not more. Against that logical background, it is obvious that people who assume that gay couples must have gender identity issues clearly haven't put a modicum of fact-based logical thought into their opinion. However, this does not preclude the existence of both gay couples with no gender identity issues and other individuals with such a mismatch.

I am not gay, but that doesn't mean that I cannot listen to gay people and understand that some people might just be different from me. As an autistic person, I'm pretty used to the idea that just about everybody is different from me. Unfortunately, this concept is still strange to quite a few people.



Answer #2 - because not all human interaction involves or is based upon sex

Thanks for your reply

Thank you for calling me on that
I was just expressing my irritation that people approach me with such a question sometimes. I am actually very aware that transexual/intersexed people have gender and identity "settings" misaligned with one another. I am very empathic toward anyone who has problems with who they are inside and out and do not think for one minute that anyone with such a problem is a mental case. I guess I also take for granted the fact that I do not have problems with my gender and the relating identity.

I also think that the question "who is the man and who is the women?" refers to the roles that a woman and a man might stereotypically take up in a relationship. Such as a man doing hard labour to earn the money and the woman washing the dishes at home. I know that "who someone is" is far more deep than that. Just as with a person's gender - it is for more complex and deep than just "what role you take up in a relationship".

I guess my question "why do humans have it in their head that gender is anything more than a question of what genitals you have?" could be phrased better. Perhaps phrase it as...

"Why do some people think that gender is so simple that people just 'take up a certain role' according to what relationship they are in, what sexuality they are or what genitals they have?"

Because some people assume that if you are a gay man then you are "techincally a woman". Or that, if you are a gay man in a relationship with another man then one of you must take a "woman's role", as if women have a specific role in the first place. Or that, if you have a penis then you can only be a man.



I don't understand how your question relates to my answer. Please could you elaborate?

'Nother homo aspie here. Like many of you, I've never been part of the gay scene. I've been in the Goth/Industrial scene since '82 (years before the labels even existed), that's where I've always felt comfortable and accepted, so that's where I've stayed. The gay male subculture is, generally speaking, even more rigid and less welcoming of difference than mainstream straight culture. If you don't fit into one of the 5 or 6 archetypes that exist out there for gay men, then you're an outcast. And BOY do I not fit, esp. now that I'm middle-aged and overweight! And not rich! Don't know what it's like for Lesbians, Bi's or Trans-folk, I can't imagine it's much better.

Relationships are difficult enough for folks with AS, being gay just makes it more difficult. I've pretty much given up on finding anyone, and am comfortable with being alone, esp. since I now have developed severe chronic health problems over the last couple of years (hence the weight issues; I've had to take 100 mg of Prednisone a day for 3 1/2 years now, so I have Cushings Syndrome). And that's in addition to all of my mental health issues! Wouldn't want to impose all that on anyone at this point. *shrugs*

Even though I've thrown in the towel, I always encourage my younger LGBT AS brothers and sisters to keep trying, as frustrating and exasperating as it may be sometimes. You just never know . . .

I love this place.

Up all night reading, absorbing information, thinking...

Just posted something similar to this thread a few moments ago.

Possibly delete it?

Gay guy ere as well. Never really gave it or my AS a second thought as to being somehow linked.

Parents raised me to be myself. No repression on either count. In fact, I love both facets. They are just parts of my that I wouldn't give up for anything.

I am a masculine military guy into all the normal stereotypical "guy stuff" and all of my own oddly warped artistic interests.

And yes...I have been here since 2007, and no...I don't talk much.

Thanks

Butch

Hey everybody. Been a while since I last posted. How is life going? Anybody else from Phoenix? I'm from Ahwatukee.
And I'm THIS CLOSE to getting a motorcycle!! ! EEEEEE Which is strange, because I'm definitely not the biker type. Not at all... But I need a way to get around and it's cheaper than a car.

Last edited by CactusKid on 08 Oct 2009, 5:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.