Do aspies *look* gay?

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I'm a gay aspie and a lot of people say the only thing that seems gay about me is my voice, and, well, the fact that I like men. I think most men with Asperger syndrome do tend to have the "gay voice" and it's thrown off my gaydar before.

Quite the opposite with me as far as I know. I was rather cautious with life because I noticed that I was always unaware of how a person was supposed to act or dress in public, so I usually imitated what I would see, usually in movies. People always made comments about how I was always dressed like I was in an action movie. I also had a strange way of walking that seemed to give people the impression that I was looking for a fight, and that didn't work out too well for me in high school. The way I talk is either mumbling or a little loud, and it makes me seem rather coarse. I say a lot of gay-stereotyped things and people still refuse to believe that I am gay. But then again I have been hit on by gay guys a lot in my life.

If you haven't realized by now: people with Autism don't tend to follow social norms.
In this case we don't follow gender roles we do what feels natural and comfortable to us.

I for one do not look gay, until maybe someone gets me talking about women, then people will think I am gay or have "tendencies" I always get some kind of offer from men and never women...that is until maybe I go right into a gay bar? I wouldn't know, I am not 21 yet.

I don't look supergay, but I have very gay mannerisms. I am always shocked when people have no idea that I am gay!

Usually ppl think I am assexual. I don't have strong gay mannerisms but I am pretty sure my voice give hints over the phone.

I'm glad to know this a common misunderstanding, it explains a lot. It will help deal with the frustration this kinda thing causes.

I think Aspies just tend to care less about looks, if NTs didn't care either, I think we'd all look the same, or at-least allot more alike than we do now.


Only, I have noticed that there tend to be more, "attractive" female aspies, and not so many male ones (in my opinion, of course).
Maybe we have more oestrogen in us, when we're growing, which makes use look more feminine? Maybe the growth of our faces, is somehow stunted? Girls, tend to look more like babies, than men.

However, this could be the result, of some female Aspies, becoming obsessed about they way they look, look at how many develop eating disorders.

A big part of the problem is understanding that "looking *gay*" doesn't actually mean "looking gay". There has been a trend to corrupt this word to mean essentially "undesirable", or as a synonym for "stupid", "questionable", etc. Of course this is an awful and homophobic trend. Kids just pick it up without thinking or understanding about how horrible and insulting it is.

In terms of literally "looking gay"? I don't think so. I think there is a tendency for males in general to seem less inhibited, anxious etc, so issues that male autistic people experience such as social anxiety may make others perceive them as less "manly" or "masculine" than they might otherwise expect. But this is noting but a subjective misunderstanding. Also, in general, there is not necessarily any particular link between a man being effeminate, and being gay.

So no, clearly Aspies don't "look gay". There's really no such thing as looking gay--it's not an issue of "looking" but one of internal being. Gay people who "look gay" don't really look "gay"--they're putting on a clone-like caricature and this makes them feel like they are a part of a community. I've never taken something called a "gay community" to actually exist--but that's another topic.

Interesting topic. I don't know if I look gay or not. Please tell me and be honest. Here's a picture of me.

This is purely subjective, but I would say yes. Here's why--and people can freely take this with a grain of salt if they want as it isn't something purely logical but based on intuition.

I notice that gay men, more than straight men, seem to have something in their eye: It's kind of an "open" look about them. I don't see straight men having this so much. Of course I have AS and I'm not good at reading emotions in eyes to begin with. But this is something I've noticed. It's difficult to describe. It's kind of as though straight men have more of a guarded look about them in their eyes. And again this is just a generalization, I'm sure there are exceptions. It's as though gay men are willing to take things that they look at in more, or something like that, where as straight men tend more to maintain a barrier there. My 2 cents. I ask people please don't go crazy picking this apart: I've already told you, it's subjective. If you disagree, that's fine.

I'm just saying that if someone were to ask me and show me this picture, I'd say, "Yes, I could see that". I'm not saying you'd be instantly identified as "gay" by anyone by some kind if reliable giveaway--it doesn't really work like that. You could be straight as well. I'm just saying "I could see it" if you were.

What you say makes alot of sense to me. Yeah, I think I understand the eye thing too. I agree with you.

I am gay and I actually made this mistake once and worked up the courage to ask a friend out who seemed gay, but wasn't at all, which was really embarrassing. He has Asperger's, and I've noticed that a lot of Aspergian males seem gay, so I've learned to never assume again.

Being gay and having AS myself I find this very interesting, and am always wanting to find out more from people who have similar experiences. Could you say a little more about the specific factors/features etc that lead you to this sort of assumption? It doesn't have to be perfect or foolproof information--subjective or intuitive is fine... Just interesting in hearing what things occur to others as similarities or connecting factors between "Aspie" and "gay". Thanks!

Well, for one, I think a lot of people with AS have a sort of spring in their step (I am probably the guiltiest) that's sort of like stimming, but kind of a smoother form of it. And not just walking, but there can be a sense of "play" with all movement as well as with the voice (I have never met an "aspie" with the monotone voice people say we have). Normally, the only people who feel free to be that playful with their movements are "flamboyant" gay men. If you ever watch Doctor Who, but the current doctor (Matt Smith) is a good example of what I'm describing, and I remember at least one episode where he was asked if he was gay. I think this is the heart of it

Also, when you meet people with AS who share special interests with you, it always feels a little like falling in love, so it might just be some wishful thinking on my part.

Happened to me all the time. Got bothersome after a while until I decided upon the bisexual label for myself. I guess they were half right.

I think fey little twinks being molested by bigger men is so hot.