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Vlad_
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07 Jun 2012, 5:45 pm

Adam917 wrote:
Anyone ever heard of this term when referring to people who are one type of orientation but are really infatuated with another group? I'm a mostly straight guy that's perhaps a bit too interested in lesbiana (or whatever lesbian subculture is called). It's like I really admire lesbians or something - to the point where seeing a lesbian couple enjoying themselves (like when I'm out on the town) makes me happy whereas my depression flares big-time when seeing the more common straight couple my age. Does anyone feel that way? Any straight women feel that way with gay men?

I'm not sure if there's a word for this - there probably is - but it's not uncommon in the version you describe.

It's more uncommon when a woman feels this way about gay men, at least for as far as you also include a sexual aspect - and I assume you do; at least that's very normal and I've met quite a few guys who feel the same way.

There's a whole area within the porn industry surrounding this theme specifically, so you see even on that level alone it's not by any means unusual to be intrigued with women who love women. One aspect that makes it attractive in sexual respect is the absence of other males in the 'setting'. It's not hard to see how this can play a role in getting people's attention to begin with. :)



Vlad_
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07 Jun 2012, 5:55 pm

nick007 wrote:
I sometimes use the phrase lesbian in a man's body. I'm a guy who does NOT have a masculine personality at all. I'm attracted to women but I do not want to be the man in the relationship. My views about romance & relationships are more like a woman's than a man's. Straight women are NOT attracted to me because thy see me as one of their girl friends instead of boyfriend materiel. I am attracted to lesbians sometimes before I know they are gay but I naturally do not have a chance with em because I'm a guy psychically even thou my personality is NOT a guy. The only people who like me are horny gay guys but the idea of having sex with a guy really freaks me out.


You need to meet some nice bisexual people, my friend! :)

I'm so used to be the only one who lives in a location where there isn't much opportunity or possibility to meet others who aren't traditional with their gender, so I'm almost surprised that you haven't met anybody who would be interested in you. Maybe you're somewhat cursed in the same manner? I hope not.

Best of luck ahead! 8)



Vlad_
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07 Jun 2012, 6:03 pm

nick007 wrote:
It's NOT sexual attraction for me. I feel I relate to lesbians better except for the fact that I'm a guy physically. I feel like I should of been the opposite gender or like I should have the opposite sexual orientation because of my personality


My apologies. I should've read through the replies before leaving my own.

A lot of the posts in this threat seems to me to be what is commonly called being transgender or transsexual. Have you guys looked into this terminology? What you describe is the very same as I have read on many forums for transgender people (yes, I'm transgender too).

.....

Ps. I'll leave my first post, it may be of use to some readers.



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28 Jun 2012, 4:43 pm

nick007 wrote:
rabidmonkey4262 wrote:
Jory wrote:
Straight men who like lesbians? Straight women who like gay men? This is madness! Next you'll be telling me that bananas are yellow.

^This

Straight men are turned on by lesbians all the time. This just means you're a normal guy.

It's NOT sexual attraction for me. I feel I relate to lesbians better except for the fact that I'm a guy physically. I feel like I should of been the opposite gender or like I should have the opposite sexual orientation because of my personality


I feel some what the same.
I actually have a friend who is lesbian and I think it's cute as when I see her with a girl.
It's not at all sexual, I just think it's quite cute, and somehow... I want what they've got... :?

Ontop of this, I've noticed when I talk to a girl whom is lesbian about my emotions, they quite easily understand and know how I feel...
Lately, when I'm confused about my feelings, I usually actually have a habit of talking to lesbians whom I'm friends with as they can quite easily help me explain how I feel to who ever I may be attempting to tell. :D



muslimmetalhead
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28 Jun 2012, 6:17 pm

rabidmonkey4262 wrote:
Jory wrote:
Straight men who like lesbians? Straight women who like gay men? This is madness! Next you'll be telling me that bananas are yellow.

^This

Straight men are turned on by lesbians all the time. This just means you're a normal guy.


Touche, dawg, touche.


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Yuzu
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30 Jun 2012, 2:39 am

IdahoRose wrote:
I feel like a gay man trapped in a woman's body sometimes. Ever since I was a young teenager, I have been enamored with gay culture and have longed to be a part of it even though I am sure that I'm straight.


Me too. As a teenager, I was fascinated by gay culture and used to watch many romantic gay movies such as "Another Country," "Maurice," and "My Beautiful Laundrette." I work with a lot of gay guys and I find them more attractive than straight guys.



BoneslyGrifter
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29 Jul 2012, 3:05 am

All of this. I haven't comfortably identified as a lesbian in years, although I am a biological female who mainly sleeps with other females. I consider myself to be queer/trans. My best friend refers to me as a "transgender twink bi boy." It's pretty accurate. :D I feel more like a male (I'm pretty dude-ish most of the time) than a female, but I definitely have my "gay man" (read: more feminine, for lack of better terminology) moments and characteristics. I'm only definitely interested in top surgery, but I might consider hormones later down the road. I'm still growing into my own skin, really. I'm really attracted to gay men on an emotional and physical level, but have never gone as far as sleeping with one. I'd want to be top, and I'm still a female biologically so there's some... issues... there. I'm also really into girls but for completely different reasons. Sex mainly. I'd almost rather have a serious relationship with a guy than with other girls. I don't know really, I'm just a scrawny bundle of queerness and gender confusion.

That's me and my personal experience. One of my best bros identifies as a male lesbian. Not transgendered, not into "hot lez action lolz boobs", but usually falls for lesbians and even presents himself as such. I vouch for him on many the occasion, because he's being completely honest when he says it and I can see it. We've decided we're getting married when we turn 30 if neither of us are taken, just to stick it to the man. Gay marriage? HAH. Try *this* on for size.



Flamencita
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18 Aug 2012, 10:06 am

I think there are a lot of people trying to define - bisexual, trans, straight etc.
I don't think it is necessarily any of those (unless it is how you feel)
As a girl who likes girls I can understand the appeal of lesbians.
I can also see that gay girls treat other gay girls differently than straight guys treat girls, so therefore why can't there be somehting in between?
I must say it is a very interesting subject though. A lot of people dismiss the male lesbian idea because they believe it is the same as straight because the obbjects (for want of a better word) of the guy's interest are female, but I can totally understand that it would be different.
Not too cool for you though eh? Coz female lesbians usually like female lesbians I should think.



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26 Aug 2012, 6:20 pm

I am biologically male and I consider myself a lesbian.

I don't feel like I neatly fit into the gender binary but I identify more as a woman and am not very happy with my male body. However, due to many circumstances I have to suppress my gender identity.

My life en homme is an endless drag act born of necessity.



dodo
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12 Nov 2012, 10:27 pm

I'm a 30-year-old male who often identifies as a male lesbian. I'll tell my story here; some of the readers might identify with it. I'll welcome any comments, of course.

I've been significantly less masculine than the "norm" ever since I was a child (although I wouldn't consider myself very effeminate, either; I seem to fall somewhere in the middle of the line). I've never bothered too much about performing according to my gender role; even in elementary and middle school, I remember all the guys starting to practice behaving like "macho men" and I thought it's silly and would have none of that. My parents never pushed me or any of my two siblings to take on our normative gender roles, so both me and my sister don't act according to the stereotypes of our respective genders. Also, both me and this sister exhibit some aspie traits (never diagnosed) so that might have something to do with it: my brother who seems neuro-normal is also pretty gender-normal.

I am almost exclusively attracted to women, and love having sex with woman. I've been informed by multiple sexual partners that sex with me feels not so much like having sex with a men, and much more like having sex with a woman, both in spirit and in form. When I was younger and couldn't properly define myself yet, some women would wonder whether I'm homosexual because of my relatively effeminate behavior; amusingly, even some women I slept with would wonder about that. It's just that I fit so badly into the main well known dichotomy of homosexual--heterosexual that women didn't know what to think. By now I know how to define and explain myself to society (when prompted), so when I'm dating someone new, using the phrase "male lesbian" and explaining a bit of the background does a good job at straightening things out. I bring it up at a time when it seems appropriate: it never seems to go over badly and I can't remember one girl who liked me less because of this (that I know of). I am 30 years old and live in a liberal city in a typically intellectual (somewhat hipster) environment, so your mileage may vary.

For what it's worth, I find my sex life and relationships with woman to far more satisfying than the ones I typically see hetero-normative men having. This might have something to do with the fact I'm unencumbered with the hetero-normative dogma of what sex "is" or "should be": for me sex is an experience close to how lesbians typically think of sex: as the physical manifestation of a spiritual bond between two people. For example, when having sex I have very little interest in orgasms for their own sake or in penetration for its own sake (I do care about these things when I masturbate), and I find that this frees me up to actually enjoy the process and the range of possibilities it offers. This doesn't happen with any women, of course: one problem I do have is that, perhaps like a lesbian, I'm pretty picky in which girls I date, since most girls (and, in general, most people) don't interest me much. I'm looking for interesting people, which seem hard to come by, at least for me. But once I have that type of special bond, it leads to fantastic experiences.

I am able to find men esthetic, although I wouldn't say "attractive" as such. I had one sexual experience with a guy, about ten years ago, and found it wholly unsatisfying. I had a fascination with being anally penetrated back then (and still do now) and wanted to experience it myself. The girls I dated back then always had apprehensions. I found the anal intercourse part very enjoyable (and, again, still do), but the fact it was with a guy put a dent in it: by now I'm pretty sure that despite the fact that much of society suspects I'm gay (because of my somewhat effeminate demeanor), I actually am not homosexual (more accurately, I seem to be pretty strongly to one side in the Kinsey scale). I do identify myself as queer (if only for the cool politics), and I feel close to queer politics and queer culture, and feel a link with queer society.

I am not at all at odds with my sexual identity, and feel like I have it reasonably "figured out". I haven't had a long relationship (more than 4 months or so) in around 6 years (mainly because I've been moving between different countries), so I haven't had a chance to really settle down with one girl and explore my adult understanding of myself fully (back in my last long relationship I had a much poorer understanding of my sexuality), but I expect that things will be quite satisfying in long relationships, even more so than they are in short ones.

I have no desire to change my biological sexuality. I'm quite happy being male, dressing up as male, speaking as a male, and being in touch with the masculine part of my demeanor, just as I am in touch with the effeminate part of it. I feel I am good looking, and feel reasonably comfortable with my body.

I tend to be attracted to somewhat butch women, or tom-boys, or whatever you might want to call it. In fact, I find that I'm attracted to almost all women, where the distinguishing factor is how mentally attracted I am to them: if someone appeals to me mentally, I'll tend to be attracted to her almost regardless of looks (-cough- lesbian -cough-), but all other things being equal, I'd prefer women who exhibit some masculine traits, both in mind and in body. I sometimes think that "our" kind of people just like it when everyone's gender identity and performance moves towards the middle, where everything is queer and fluid and fun.

With women I like to engage in all kinds of sexual practices. As can be understood, I am quite happy with all kinds of oral intercourse, all kinds of anal intercourse, vaginal intercourse, lots of cuddling and physical touch, role playing, bondage, BDSM, you name it. Playing with and exploring sexual identity is particularly fun, for obvious reasons. Spending copious parts of the day in bed mixing sex, humor, and cuddling is also a staple, but I'd assume that's true for most people (?). I am particularly keen on giving oral sex, analingus as well, and on being anally penetrated, and I am particularly un-keen on vaginal intercourse (for a reason I haven't managed to properly understand yet). I love and admire the female anatomy, but for some reasons sessions of vaginal intercourse just fail to excite me after a while: it might be something particular to my anatomy, though. That always seems to cause some amount of tension, since girls I date often fear it's something wrong with them, despite my explanations that it's really just me. On the other hand, with all the other sex going on, this issue doesn't seem to be a major hurdle. My love of oral sex does seem to be appreciated. I am a person with a short attention span, but for some reason I can spend a huge amount of time down there, repeatedly, and find it incredibly rewarding.

So, to sum it all up, I don't think being a "male lesbian" is particularly easy, but I expect it's not much harder than being hetero-normal. Furthermore, the advantage of being unencumbered by sexual dogma, and being able to relate to women on a deeper level than most men, might make being a male lesbian actually *preferable* to just being "normal" (as much as one can compare two wholly different things). As long as one lives in a reasonably liberal environment, and is able to explain himself, I see no reason why it should be any hurdle to a happy life.



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16 Nov 2012, 1:48 pm

I'm not sure exactly how being a male lesbian would work, but I'm a trans-female lesbian. So some who aren't willing to recognize the validity of my gender identity might call me that.



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31 Mar 2014, 3:45 am

I suppose I could call myself that (Guydyke) considering I've always been more attracted to boyish girls; not just for the look, but for the general attitude and personality that comes with it: strong, independent, and assertive rather than overly girly and expecting the man to initiate everything and take care of them like they're invalids or royalty.

I don't fully identify as a male, though, but not as a woman, either. I'm just me; somewhere in between, and not really either. Male pronouns tend to make me cringe a bit. So, I'm more of an Androgyne who loves femininity in an aesthetic way, but also women who express themselves more aggressively like Joan Jett, Ellen Page, Alison Mosshart, etc.


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31 Mar 2014, 6:15 am

It's really interesting to see the fluidity of gender here... Good luck to people who are transitioning physically or socially to be who they really are.

I identify as agender, in that I was assigned female at birth, but don't feel like I have a gender identity. I don't know if I identify with trans, as I feel outside of the gender binary and try to appear androgynous.. I've considered therapy, but I've been in and out of hospitals and mental health services all my life and I just want to be left alone for a while. I know quite a few trans people who are also neurodiverse. It's interesting, maybe there's a link.

Maybe transfeminine would be a good description for some people who identify more with the female side of the gender spectrum.

Note: I know this probably doesn't apply here and is not aimed at anyone... I'm kind of wary of the "male lesbian" thing (like the t shirts), as it's often used by cis guys in an ironic way which kind of demeans queer experience in my view and it's binaristic. There's a lot more to queerness than having sexual contact... Like the discrimination, underepresentation and so on.



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02 Apr 2014, 7:45 am

kittylover wrote:
I have "male lesbian" feelings so strongly that I'm taking hormones so I can be a woman someday.

I've always been attracted to women, but when they've hit on me, they've always wanted someone who'd be the man in the relationship. I could never fulfill that role, because I don't feel like a man at all. I want to be the woman in the relationship, with my girlfriend holding and protecting me. This never happens because I'm a "guy", so I've never dated anyone.

I guess I'm a lipstick lesbian.


the term "male lesbian" has nothing whatsoever to do with trans* womyn, if you are female you are female - then as female if you are attracted to other females exclusively you are a lesbian. In this case you are female and lesbian.

"male lesbian" is for trolls trying to invade our space and "mansplain" to us that it is ok, they belong with us since they are one of us. To which I say "shove it up your....."


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gardenia_guy
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03 Apr 2014, 2:28 pm

id like to think I am normal I am gay male I wish I was born a woman but I am attracted to males but I consider my self normal and I have Asperger's syndrome sadly lots of people cant figure me out but maybe someday ill find the right man



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03 Apr 2014, 4:24 pm

GivePeaceAChance wrote:
kittylover wrote:
I have "male lesbian" feelings so strongly that I'm taking hormones so I can be a woman someday.

I've always been attracted to women, but when they've hit on me, they've always wanted someone who'd be the man in the relationship. I could never fulfill that role, because I don't feel like a man at all. I want to be the woman in the relationship, with my girlfriend holding and protecting me. This never happens because I'm a "guy", so I've never dated anyone.

I guess I'm a lipstick lesbian.


the term "male lesbian" has nothing whatsoever to do with trans* womyn, if you are female you are female - then as female if you are attracted to other females exclusively you are a lesbian. In this case you are female and lesbian.

"male lesbian" is for trolls trying to invade our space and "mansplain" to us that it is ok, they belong with us since they are one of us. To which I say "shove it up your....."


Yes I hate this whole "male lesbian" and "guydyke" thing.

You're a little feminine and like women? So f*cking what? You're a dude though, and feminine? So f*cking what?
Lesbian means WOMAN sexually attracted to WOMEN.

You identify as a man, therefore you are straight.

As above said, if you are trans, that is a different issue, but if you identify as a male, the sex you were born as, you are straight if you are into women.

Why do these men think it's OK to just call themselves lesbians? GRRRR :wall:


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