Dating...confused...

Post Reply New Topic

Hi all. I have a few questions about dating, and finding someone to date.

I met a guy recently at a club down the street. I don't usually like going there, but my roommates were going, so I tagged along. Someone came up to me and we talked for a while, after which he gave me his number, and asked me if I wanted to meet for coffee sometime. So, I called him later that week (after sitting at the phone for a good hour contemplating it) and we set up a date.

We met at a local coffee shop, and spent several hours (and too many cups of coffee) talking about ourselves, interests, music, family, etc. It all seemed to be going very well. Then he mentioned something about autism. I don't remember exactly what he said, but it was brought up by a painting on the wall called "autistic." We were talking about it, and I said that I was diagnosed with Asperger's. He didn't really say much about it, so we changed the subject and moved on. As we were leaving, he gave me a hug, and said he'd call me.

Well, here I am almost a week later, and I haven't heard from him at all. I sent him a text the next day to say I enjoyed our conversation, but never heard back from him.

I guess I don't really know what to think. If that doesn't work out, well, that's fine, but I was really hoping it would. I have felt really lonely, and, though I hate to say it, I've almost felt desperate for some sort of relationship. I live with my two roommates, who are in a great relationship, and I am always the third wheel. Part of my problem is that I just don't know where or how to find someone. It was pure chance that someone came up to me, as that has NEVER happened before. Any ideas or suggestions would mean the world to me!

The types you meet in clubs almost never last through a full relationship. By going to a club, there is only one quality you know you'll share with any other man there, you like going to clubs. However, you only went there because your roomates did, so there's not even that. Okay, so you were in an environment completely foreign to your tastes, and met a guy there who turned out not to be for your taste either - don't fret over that. My point is, don't look in clubs or places you don't want to be, because you'll only find men there who are into that kind of stuff.

Keep your eye out for colleagues at work, and classmates if you're taking any classes, or at parties, meetings, conferences, apartment neighbors. In general, men you might be into, or men you get along well with (that you know are not in a relationship). However, don't go trying new things for the sole purpose of trying to find a man, it doesn't seem like a good idea. By doing this, you'll have a few things in common "so... you take <course name> too! Isn't it fun?" Rather than "so you like clubs? Because I don't"

That's the funny thing about the guy I met there...He didn't like clubs either. He was dragged there by a friend as well. Oh well.

That is part of my problem though. There's definitely no one at work, and even if there was, it would be very uncomfortable for me, as my dad owns the company. I don't take any classes, though I just thought of the fact that our local Gay Alliance offers workshops, groups and the like...that might be a good place to start. My point is, I guess I don't really get out there enough to meet anyone, and the only real friends I have are my roommates.

I have been thinking about moving out when the lease is up in July, if nothing else, so I can have my personal space back...but that's another topic for another day

Unless he turns up with an excellent excuse (like being run over by a bus or abducted by aliens or something) he's demonstrated himself to be a liar (by pretending he'd call) and irredeemably rude (by not replying to your message) and you can replace any positive impression you had of him with that information.

Shame though.

Perhaps it's worth your while looking at dating websites? They're not great but they're probably better than random clubs if you want a proper relationship out of it.