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AspieGeekGirl
Emu Egg
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Joined: 6 Jul 2012
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09 Jul 2012, 12:03 am

I think that a lot of aspie girls wanting to be boys has to do with that we hate the way society is and what is "expected for a girl".

I used to wish that I was a boy but I think the reality is that I just wish that society should accept girls who like "male interests or clothes" and not be looked down upon if they do. For me I used to and still sometimes do think of it this way: I am physically female but mentally male. I think I like both guys and girls and I dream sometimes that I am in another reality where I was just born a boy. I like "boy things" which are: sports, video games, skateboarding (though I can't ride a skateboard I play the tony hawk games. I wish I could ride one but because of my mild Cerebral Palsy I can't) science, and comic books. I also like music which is more male dominated as well which is heavy metal, punk rock, and grunge and I wear more loose fitted clothes.

Now as my friend helped me I think I see it this way. I am happy to be a girl I just want society to accept me for liking the same things that guys do and not be judged by it. :D



Scottinoz
Sea Gull
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09 Jul 2012, 3:49 am

How do you get testosterone, I wanted natural testosterone boost and it's really hard to get.



mb1984
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17 Jul 2012, 11:14 am

If you want to get testosterone, it depends where you are. You can start by talking to your family doctor. They will probably recommend you go to a gender clinic, if there is one in your area. Or start seeing a gender therapist. You can reach out to your local LGBT center and they would also be able to direct you where you need to go.


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AQ Score: 44/50 Aspie Quiz: 175/200-Aspie 31/200-NT

Judge of your natural character by what you do in your dreams.
Ralph Waldo Emerson


soutthpaw
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17 Jul 2012, 7:08 pm

AspieGeekGirl wrote:
I think that a lot of aspie girls wanting to be boys has to do with that we hate the way society is and what is "expected for a girl".

I used to wish that I was a boy but I think the reality is that I just wish that society should accept girls who like "male interests or clothes" and not be looked down upon if they do. For me I used to and still sometimes do think of it this way: I am physically female but mentally male. I think I like both guys and girls and I dream sometimes that I am in another reality where I was just born a boy. I like "boy things" which are: sports, video games, skateboarding (though I can't ride a skateboard I play the tony hawk games. I wish I could ride one but because of my mild Cerebral Palsy I can't) science, and comic books. I also like music which is more male dominated as well which is heavy metal, punk rock, and grunge and I wear more loose fitted clothes.

Now as my friend helped me I think I see it this way. I am happy to be a girl I just want society to accept me for liking the same things that guys do and not be judged by it. :D


I think today's society is much more accepting of the Tomboy than the Janegirl ( just made that name up) but guys wearing makeup and dresses/skirts, doing arts and crafts that have been labeled feminine will stand out and be frowned upon buy much of the mainstream, yet girls wearing guy clothes, doing guy stuff is pretty much mainstream for a while now.

for the guy I am also referring to straight guys that just have what would be traditionally labeled female interests


_________________
AQ test =36: SQ test = 110: EQ test =8
Aspire quiz: Aspire score = 162; Neurotypical =42
RAADS=173 Total: Language= 10: social relatedness= 92: Sensory/motor= 37: Circumscribed interests=34


TDT
Emu Egg
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18 Jul 2012, 11:23 am

AspieGeekGirl wrote:
I think that a lot of aspie girls wanting to be boys has to do with that we hate the way society is and what is "expected for a girl".

I used to wish that I was a boy but I think the reality is that I just wish that society should accept girls who like "male interests or clothes" and not be looked down upon if they do. For me I used to and still sometimes do think of it this way: I am physically female but mentally male. I think I like both guys and girls and I dream sometimes that I am in another reality where I was just born a boy. I like "boy things" which are: sports, video games, skateboarding (though I can't ride a skateboard I play the tony hawk games. I wish I could ride one but because of my mild Cerebral Palsy I can't) science, and comic books. I also like music which is more male dominated as well which is heavy metal, punk rock, and grunge and I wear more loose fitted clothes.

Now as my friend helped me I think I see it this way. I am happy to be a girl I just want society to accept me for liking the same things that guys do and not be judged by it. :D


I honestly wish my friend saw things like you do on this...she's running into this issue right at the moment. She recently told me that she just "feels like a guy" and wants people to see her as a guy. She went to far as to request that her name name is Dylin or something like that. I kinda...maybe overreacted to the sudden shock she decided to give me on this, but for more reasons than just the transgender comment.


I guess my largest problem in understanding while reading this thread comes down to "why" people hate being female, or male, or whatever. I'll be honest, I couldn't give a crap less about my being male, or female, or whatever. I have some male traits, and some female traits. Do I really care about what society really sees me as? No..I really don't. I'm technically competent in my skills needed for work, I am always trying to "self improve", and the like. Does it matter that I have a small plush doll that hangs up in my bedroom, or that I have watched and enjoy MYP and other cartoons? Sure, some of these are feminine traits..and sure, I tend to like to talk about problems and solve them rather than throw them under the carpet. What that means for me, though, is that I don't care what's feminine or masculine - and in general, that holds true to those I associate with. Unless I'm more romantically interested in someone, I don't care if they are male or female, act as male or female or what age they decide to act like.

*shrug* I don't know. I may just be far less sensitive to the whole "gender identity" need thing than others are.



thfy
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26 Jul 2012, 1:56 am

Duuude no. Okay. This type of thinking, that "having male traits" is what makes you trans, is why I didn't think I was trans for a very long time and I nearly killed myself and LET'S NOT DO THAT, OKAY. Your friend is changing his body and his pronouns because the way he was previously referred to is unbearable. People like you make sure that this is not something that most people would do if they could do without it. Don't even. You are completely worthless friend, and you need to apologize.

Your friend does not need to justify his gender identity to you. If you don't think gender is "that big of a deal", it should be really easy for you to refer to him correctly, shouldn't it?! You don't understand this because you identify with the gender you've been assigned. You don't care about your gender because feel comfortable in your own body and with your current prounouns, because you identify as male. You don't experience gender dysphoria. I'd wager a guess that your friend does, and your continuing to misgender him is basically equivalent to repeatedly slapping him in the face because you don't understand why people who get slapped in the face all the time make such a big deal of it. What the hell.

Personally, I don't always hate being "female"... sometimes it's like drag. It's amusing, I put on a show. Other times, not so much.



Khyrean
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26 Jul 2012, 5:30 am

I agree with Thfy.
A friend of mine has recently undergone a gender adaption - I use adaption because technically you adapt the physical gender to the individual's perceived gender - and it has to do nothing whatsoever with any personality traits or preferences. In this case it's even quite the contrary, he is not overly masculine, gay and likes many things that would be socially more accepted if he had remained female but he just felt it wasn't right the way he was born.
Gender dysphoria is a psychological syndrome not unlike AS, you just have it; it's a way the brain works which results in a discrepancy of biological and psychological gender. The reasons, causes and neurological mechanisms are largely unknown. They are most likely a combination of social and biological factors.
Also, the correlation between AS and GD is not yet understood but it might be that AS facilitates the reception of social factors triggering GD.

Mislabelling someone who feels the need to adapt their physical/outward gender is probably similar to repeatedly telling someone with AS to not behave so stupidly when talking to other people. You're punishing them for something they cannot change. If gender is not important to you, it shouldn't be too hard to do them the favour of addressing them with the right pronouns.
Before questioning their decision, try to explain to your friend, why you feel male (or female) without referring to your physical gender or stereotyped preferences. It is hard to justify gender identity as it is, without the additional complication that it might not match your chromosomes.
Of course you don't notice the suffering this discrepancy can cause if you do not experience it; usually gender is never questioned, just the expectancies and roles in a particular society, maybe. Someone experiencing this path needs emotional support because they're confronted with more than enough doubt, criticism and ignorance by society and their own psyche. You'll help your friend the most with listening, honest concern about their well-being and solace.



TDT
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Joined: 17 Jul 2012
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01 Aug 2012, 6:07 am

I'll try to respond to you both directly, at first was going to do it each at a time but you hit similar points - although Khyrean's post made more sense to me out of the two.

First, I appreciate the responses from both of you, and forming a reply is a bit difficult.

"He just felt it wasn't the right way he was born." - this is very tricky for me, and maybe is a personality flaw (or my AS) kinda rearing its ugly head. In general, I tend to have reasons for doing stuff I do - and all decisions I make usually are based in some kind of logic, although not all. In this case, and thfy you're right, that he/she does not need to justify his/her answer to me - but the same goes for me when it comes to acceptance. Being comfortable or uncomfortable without a reason also is generally harder for me to understand, as well. So the problem really comes into is the idea of "...but he just felt it wasn't right the way he was born." without a little more concrete reasons than that. I'm not totally logical myself, and part of my feelings about this person aren't entirely logical either - but most of my solutions of sorts have been fairly logical. In short, this isn't as much of a problem as it was.

I wanted to touch on the part of saying "...is probably similar to repeatedly telling someone with AS to not behave so stupidly when talking to other people." It's true that people with AS do make social mistakes...I've made a heck of a lot of them. This is one, very divergent topic, but I also believe in self improvement a lot. Meaning...I learn from my mistakes after I make them. If someone was teo tell me not to behave so stupidly, I'd ask them for clarification and may change my behavior as a result. Of course, if the reason make sense. Totally not relevant to the topic at hand, but I thought it was an interesting tangent.

In regard to the listening to the friend. Largely, this has already been resolved so that's really OK at this point, a few weeks ago in fact. I mostly came back to see if anyone responded. Overall, I really do appreciate the opinions, and this is something I may read up more about - but as I was saying, the issue has been resolved.