LGBT: How was your first time?

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I'm not sure if this belongs in the love/dating or in the LGBT. Please move if it isn't correct here. How was your first time?

Unexpectedly, last night, I got very intimate with someone. At first, I was so nervous that I almost couldn't stand. I really did enjoy it, but I am feeling very weird afterward. It is this weird feeling like I am a little shell shocked, and I can't stop thinking about it. I will do it again with her, but I think this shell shocked feeling is due to it being the first time, right?

I felt really bad because I couldn't look her in the eye while we were doing it due to the autism. I also thought that, due to my inexperience, I wasn't pleasing her enough. She insisted she wanted to make me feel good because it made her feel good. She was a giver. I wonder if she's telling the truth. I felt so weird with the kissing. Will I like kissing better once I get better at it?

My first time was AWESOME!! ! Sex is GOOD, man! I'm so glad I got rid of my virginity when I did, even if it was with a person who turned out to be a manipulative sociopath who tried to kill me. I feel so, so, so sorry for anyone who doesn't have the awesome sex drive and the awesome lack of virginity that I do!
*sigh* I miss sex...


But, in answer to your other questions/concerns...yes, I think the reason you were shell shocked was because it was your first time. I remember I was staring up at the trees with glazed eyes. Also, don't feel bad at all for having trouble with eye contact, because 1) at first, it will keep you from getting too overstimulated, and 2) if you keep having regular sex, you will most likely get better about it very soon.

The thing about the kissing--I hope your partner doesn't mind (mine did). I, personally, HATE kissing due to sensory issues. I thought I'd be able to like it better later, but it never got better. In fact, it got worse when my ex started pushing me to do it, eventually forcing me to one day (among other very bad things). I LOVE sex. I HATE kissing. You may or may not be the same as me; I can only give you my experience. What you've told me, however, is very, very similar to what I experienced my first time.

The only time I've ever been with anyone, I ended up crying because I wished I were her. I didn't want to use "it".

I don't think I have to worry about my partner being a manipulative sociopath. She is very respectful of boundaries. I think she really likes kissing because that's the first thing she does. When we were really into it she started french kissing before I told her next time.

I don't think I'll hate kissing though. I just think I'm not good at it right now. She says I need to "soften up my lips". I guess it is an art to teach.

Thank you for your input. It made me realize I'm not alone.

Maybe you should try intimacy with men? Or just do cuddling instead of doing it all the way?

Nobody has been interested in me since then.

As for guys... Straight guys don't want me because I look male. Gay guys don't want me because my personality is female.

I'm so alone now.

Well with a girl it was sweet and with a lot of passion. With a guy it was just like to animals going at it

What about bisexual men? Us bi guys tend to be less dogmatic, meaning that we don't look for particularly masculine men (or men with a masculine mind, for that matter). Since we're attracted to both sexes, we're also into people who are anywhere between the genders. Some of us even feel particularly attracted to transgender people. I don't think your feeling and acting feminine would be a problem for a bi guy, especially not for to a top who likes to take the lead in romantic matters. The only problem is finding someone who is looking for more than a one-night stand.

I've read several of your recent posts, and... well, this is probably going to be a longer reply You wrote in another thread that you feel depressed about your masculine appearance. But there are also biological women who look very masculine and are quite tall, which doesn't keep them from living and dressing as women. I think it might help you if you experimented with female clothing, even if you don't immediately like what you see in the mirror. There is a lot that can be done with makeup, corsets and hip padding.

A lot of bi tops are into crossdressers. I know that you're not a crossdresser but a transgender woman, I just mean that masculine looking people in female clothing can be attractive to some men. Also to some dominant women who enjoy so-called forced feminization and other forms of D/s play. So don't be afraid to experiment with female outfits just because you think you don't look feminine enough. The most important part is that you feel feminine, and experience being accepted and treated as a woman by others if you go out in public, not that you look like a female model.

I also read that you're on HRT. You can't expect fast results if you started taking hormones relatively late in life. The results will come over time. The most important thing is body hair removal imho, everything else can be shaped or concealed with the right type of clothing. For example, if you think that your arms are too muscular, you could wear a blouse with wide sleeves. Wide shoulders? Not a problem, it will look as if you were wearing shoulder pads, which are back in fashion again. If you're tall, your long legs should give you a lot to work with. I already mentioned hip pads and corsets to create the right hip-to-waist ratio, and a wig can work wonders too.

As for your voice, there are many women with a deep voice, so that shouldn't be an issue. What's more important are feminine speech patterns. Men and women emphasize words differently and have a different speech melody. I suggest watching Candyfla's videos on youTube to see what I mean. Her videos can also teach you how to change your voice pitch. It's amazing what can be done with training alone, without any laryngeal surgery. Here is an example:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bJZjcKYOQr0[/youtube]
Finally, have you ever heard of Second Life? It's a cross between a social online platform and a 3D MMO that lets you design any kind of avatar. Many transgender people "play" Second Life to socially interact as their real inner selves, i.e. as their real gender, and perhaps to experience cyber-romances. I think it would be great for you to have more social contact, to be seen and treated as the woman that you are, and to make friends who are in the same situation. I'm not transgender myself, just a little bigender, but even I find it liberating to role-play as a woman in SL.

PS: I think a lot of your depression is the result of the HRT. This will probably get better as your body gets used to the different hormone levels. In the meantime, you might want to try a mild antidepressant. I found that hypericum, a herbal over-the-counter drug, works quite well against depression and has no side effects. Sorry for the long post

I've been on hormones for 3 years 11 months, and anti-depressants for 18 years.

I played Second Life like 7 years ago. I eventually got tired of it. I can't imagine going back now, since I'd be incredibly depressed at having a pretty character and a horrible real life. It's hard enough to be playing WoW and Mass Effect.