Help and advice needed!! !

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Basically I could really use help on this- its been in and out of my head since January an every time it comes up again the anxiety and sleepless nights and days of nothing all start up again- uou know the drill.
I think I could be a gay female. The only 'symptom' of this is that I have never been attracted to a boy, ever. Yet the images of girls which men are suppose to find intriguing do something for me. I have never been attracted to a girl other than in the way of a sexualised image. I don't understand what this means. This is nothing against anyone on this forum but the idea of me being with another girl really bothered me, thinking about stating with one and having a proper relationship sort of thing but the more I think of it the more I cope? Is it just because I am so used to learning to live with stuff I really don't want to keep.
I want to know how other people in my situation worked it out.
I also began to realise I relate better to the male part of my special interest, I don't really know why but that even made me question my gender identity. Again I have nothing against same-sex couples but I think this streams from my really in built idea that you have to be a boy to see a girl that way!
It doesn't help me that I have a really strong maternal instinct and I want a baby of my own so desperatly. I know I would hide my sexuality in order to have a child even if I had to marry someone I didn't love, as strange as it seems to be for an Aspie I really believe everyone has a soulmate and that most people never find theirs. But now I'm rambling. I just really need to get this sorted out. I need to work out my sexuality and then if I must work out how to tell people/ if to tell them. Thank you for reading this!!

Firstly Pixie - you can relax. You are only 15 and it doesn't matter that you haven't got everything figured out yet! It is a process of learning about yourself.

There are other options other than gay or straight - if you have never been attracted to a boy it may be that you just haven't found the right one, are not interested in people yet, are asexual or that you are gay but are worried about what this means for you and your idea of who you are.

Let things happen, go with the flow, if you are attracted to people or not observe and learn from it. Usually things become obvious when they need to. You just have to be patient.

But maybe you can do some research about homosexuality and maybe watch some lesbian movies and realise that it is perfectly beautiful and natural to be gay, if that is how you feel. You may be gay but because of the way you have been brought up/society etc you may have internalised homophobia and therefore feel distressed about the prospect of being gay.

Usually not being attracted to boys is usually not a conclusive reason to be gay, if you haven't been attracted to girls yet either it may be that either is still to come or you are asexual or just not interested in sex. I dunno.

Also I think you need to have more faith int he world and its people. Marrying someone and having a baby with them because you want a baby is a bad idea because you will end up unhappy unless you end up falling in love with them.
If you desperately want a baby there are plenty of other ways to have one - artificial insemination etc>
But most importantly, now is not the time, you are 15, your hormones are most likely going crazy and turning you into a young woman and therefore causing you to want babies, but this doesn't mean you should do it now. There is plenty of time for that later and plenty of other things to do before that.

Also, everyone has a feminine and masculine side and different sides can be stronger for different people regardless of biological sex or gender identity. I know I definitely have masculine qualities for some things and like to do "masculine" things but this doesn't mean I identify as a man.

I hope this helps you a bit, but basically it will all work out and is natural as confusing as it is. A lot of us have been through the same sorts of feelings and have ended up happy and content. It may be stormy and uncertain for a bit, but all will be well in the end and you have plenty of time to sort it out

Also, what is it about the sexualised images of women that you like?
Does it turn you on?
Do you find it beautiful?
Do you imagine yourself as the woman, or imagine the woman being there with you?
Are you simply intrigued as it is somehting you are not used to seeing?

And sexualised images of women are not produced purely for heterosexual men. Yes there is a large market for that, but the lady lovers amongst us can also appreciate their beauty and attractiveness, although lesbian porn/erotica that is created for lesbians/straigh women is usually quite different to that produced for the male market.

I could probably say pretty much all, I had someone say to me that having an artistic mind could even show something bout how I think. I don't think I have ever seen myself as said femal but I have possibly the worst self-eesteme at the moment than I have ever had before, to the point I dreaded getting my passport photo taken as I might have to look at it.
Like I might have mentioned I haven't even thought this way for very long- I came across a girl girl story and from there it spiralled. I do think occasionally my proplem is that I came into that world earlier than I wanted to all thanks to a special interest and that all my friends will spend lunchtime drooling over boys the year above. I don't know. I went through a while where I actually watched every girl at school waiting for a reaction, occasionally I got one but since not bothering for a while I began to think that maybe even that was because I had got somthing so stuck in my head as I often do!

Well I can only help with my experience as a gay male.
Till 15 I've had some small affairs like kisses with girls. I don't recall becoming sexually aroused back then. I think I was just mimicking what the other boys did. I was raised in a very conservative family in Brazil and I've had the desire to have children, and lots of them.

When I turned 15 seeing big guys half naked with their hairy chests exposed started turning me on.
Then I started having sexual dreams with men. In the while, as I wasn't sure of the path I was going to follow I didn't tell anyone about it but kept dating girls, without engaging in sexual relations.

It was just when I turned 21 that I really became aware of my sexual orientation. I've felt in love for a guy in the university. In the beginning it became hard to breath when he was near me and, as we became closer friends, when his skin touched mine it gave a tingling sensation, and I've never had any of these experiences with a girl before. He was 31, married with children, and I decided, despite being fully capable of acting straight to marry and have kids, I would not live like him, struggling between the object of my affection and the object of my desire.