Questions For Queers

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I hope this is clear enough. If anyone would like to answer any of these, I would appreciate it, I'm interested to see what people say. It's not for anything other than personal curiosity.

First, how do you identify? In regards to your gender identity and sexual orientation. I know this can be a really complex thing and it's really personal so please don't feel any pressure to be brief or try to give a simple explanation, I know that sometimes is impossible and if you have to write a ton to explain it, that's completely fine.

How long have you known you were different, and how long did it take you to accept it?

Do you currently feel like you have to take extra care not to let all of the negativity and hatred in the world bring you down?

For anyone who is/has been romantically involved with someone who is the same gender/sex as you, do you tend to date people who kind of look like you?
(just something I've noticed, some of the couples I know frequently get asked if they're siblings #_#)

How self-conscious/insecure(if at all) are you about your body/physical appearance?

Do you have a sort of Queer mentor or favored role model? (such an older person who has been there for you, or even a public figure like James Baldwin or Fran Lebowitz whose work inspires you etc.) List as many as you wish.

Do you ever or have you ever used aggressive/confrontational tactics to deal with any bigotry you've encountered? (I guess I mean stuff like telling someone that yeah, you're queer/different, and they can get used to it or f*ck off)

Further on the previous question, what kind of situations have you encountered that were really challenging in terms of remaining calm or being a decent human being back to people who are saying abusive things et al? (if you've ran into this)


I guess part of why I ask some of these questions is that every time I see a story about homosexuals and trans people and the evil queer folk, or someone being bashed, murdered, some kid committing suicide, (this list is potentially endless) or if I just think about the history and I think about the suicide rates among gay teens... I sometimes break down and cry for hours at a time because I cannot comprehend how so much of the world can be like this(kill the gays bill in Uganda?) and... I don't know. How do you get by without breaking down emotionally?

Also... I kind of wish I had more gay friends and I just wondered who would be OK with me PMing them... I mean not to talk about anything specific but... just to correspond occasionally if we can find something to talk about?

I'd better end this here... I think.

well, I identify as bisexual... but I'm currently debating how true that statement is. I'm posting this here both because I might be able to get some help from people who have been in a similar situation to this, and it could also turn out to be a nice case study for you or anyone else watching this thread to see someone questioning what their sexuality actually is.

A little under a year ago, I was straight in every sense of the word, didn't like guys in a sexual sense; though I would masturbate to a gay thought every month or so; I didn't think much of that though because 1. I'd feel disgusted at myself afterwards 2. apparently most guys do this every month or so as well 3. and hey, everyone's a little bit bisexual anyway.

Sometime during this year, I began to acquire an attraction for guys through some certain transgender threads on a certain image-board. (how silly of me, thinking those threads were named the way they are because they were girls with penises...)

I found it very easy to come out as bisexual, as I know a few girls who are bisexual, and I was able to talk to them and get their experience on the matter. even if it's harder for guys to come out, it did help A LOT! and I felt fantastic afterwards. and most people who know, even those I've heard are homophobes; don't seem to care or get verbal about it.

There are still a few people who don't know, like my parents... but that's mostly because I have no idea how to start the conversation that I'm privy to taking it in the privy hole; jokes aside, I don't think they would mind when they eventually find out.

more and more however, I'm finding myself attracted to the same sex, to the point where it is very hard to get aroused from the female form... I find this quite disturbing, when I came out as bisexual... it was so great to be attracted to both sexes... to not feel disgusted if that cute little girl butt turns out to be a cute little guy butt... I don' think I can really describe anything like it but I'll try... it was just so much better then being attracted to one sex, the very concept of being straight and being attracted to girls was boring... and I feel that if I was gay, it would be as boring as being straight.

I wonder if my increasing attraction to guys is because of my new sexuality that I've given myself or because I've never seen guys in that manner before, or if its maybe because of my teenage hormones going outta whack. or because I relate to guys easier, or because I'm a virgin...

I don't think I'll ever be fully gay... much like I don't believe anyone else is ever fully gay/straight... but if I continue to identify myself as bisexual when I could actually be gay, well that's just confusing and I'm sure it'll make me unhappy. but if I identify myself as gay... then I lose the happiness that surrounds my bisexual title.

This sexuality stuff sure is confusing. someone please help me out here.

I'll go through the questions I feel I haven't answered above.

I live in a pretty gay friendly country, in fact the annual gay parade was stopped because nobody cared if anyone was actually gay or not... even myself when I was straight, I accepted gays... even if I didn't like it.

from seeing what it's like from both sides, I think gay culture is why homophobia exists in the first place. in order to be gay, gays have to be different sorta thing.

that being said, I don't really let anyone know I'm bisexual who I feel doesn't need to know, or who would suddenly hate me because of it. and I think that if I had a boyfriend that I probably wouldn't kiss him in front of other guys just because of that ewww factor that would occur, holding hands is probably the most I'd do and if they have a problem with that, then hell, I have a problem with you being in that chicks face 24/7 but you don't hear me speaking up about it now do you, you hypocritical prick.



I don't really care about myself or how I look, I don't think many aspies do so I think you'll probably get a few answers quite the same. however, even if I'm skinny as it is, I do have a problem with my gut, I just want my tummy to line up with my pubic bone in that perfectly symmetrical fashion, holy jebus that is HOT!



Not really.



I generally don't care what people call me, but if someone was going on and on about it or was getting to a hostile stage, or was saying this to someone else who was visibly distressed, I'm sure they'll meet my right hook pretty fast. no one has ever said or done something like this to me though. so far.

First, how do you identify? In regards to your gender identity and sexual orientation.

Gender Neutral, dabble in genderfluid or bigender expression in various contexts, but I prefer to be seen as neither. I guess pansexual most closely describes my sexual orientation. I'm not necessarily into everything all the time, but I could potentially be into anybody if they were awesome enough to make me feel comfortable. Usually I just go with "queer".

How long have you known you were different, and how long did it take you to accept it?

I can't really lie and say I knew exactly what I was since I was a kid. In my early childhood I had both male and female friends and enjoyed activities of both genders fairly equally, but then my parents kind of put a stop to that around the age of five. I feel my sexual identity is still very much evolving. Learned I was intersex a very short time ago and that did a lot to change my perspective on things.

Do you currently feel like you have to take extra care not to let all of the negativity and hatred in the world bring you down?

Well I'm a nihilist so I just sort of deal with it by viewing all of it as nothing.

For anyone who is/has been romantically involved with someone who is the same gender/sex as you, do you tend to date people who kind of look like you?

Not at all haha. All my partners have been very different in appearance.

How self-conscious/insecure(if at all) are you about your body/physical appearance?

Very much so. Especially when dealing with dysphoria, which comes in both directions.

Do you have a sort of Queer mentor or favored role model?

Not really into hero worship but I'm really fond of Chuck Schuldiner. It was never really confirmed what his identity orientation was but he was a gentle and femme individual being uncomprimisingly himself in a community that frowns upon that, and he co-invented death metal.

Do you ever or have you ever used aggressive/confrontational tactics to deal with any bigotry you've encountered?

Only ever when dealing with transphobes. Especially transphobia directed at my former partners, it's just something I have no tolerance for

Further on the previous question, what kind of situations have you encountered that were really challenging in terms of remaining calm or being a decent human being back to people who are saying abusive things et al? (if you've ran into this)

As mentioned above any transphobia I've encountered, my partners or myself being misgendered. It really gets to me when people use one pronoun exclusively or use either pronoun in a condescending manner.

Regarding PMs, I wouldn't mind having more queer friends myself so it's cool with me.

First, how do you identify? In regards to your gender identity and sexual orientation. Gay, but only by default. I prefer not to put a label on it.

How long have you known you were different, and how long did it take you to accept it? About eight or nine, because I probably startuing having crushes on boys. I decided I was definitely gay at 22 and settled into it at that point.

Do you currently feel like you have to take extra care not to let all of the negativity and hatred in the world bring you down? Sometimes, but I generally just avoid it.

For anyone who is/has been romantically involved with someone who is the same gender/sex as you, do you tend to date people who kind of look like you? I generally have dated peple who look very different form me, but I've been in a relationship for a year now, so I haven't been dating in a while.

How self-conscious/insecure(if at all) are you about your body/physical appearance? Right now about a eight on a scale of 1-10, but only because I recently gained about twenty pounds. When I was twenty pounds lighter it was about a five. I am now going to lose it!

Do you have a sort of Queer mentor or favored role model? No.

Do you ever or have you ever used aggressive/confrontational tactics to deal with any bigotry you've encountered? Nope.

Further on the previous question, what kind of situations have you encountered that were really challenging in terms of remaining calm or being a decent human being back to people who are saying abusive things et al? (if you've ran into this) If anyone says anything negative to me, I just ignore it.

I identify myself as Asexual, with panromantic tone (romantic attraction towards person(s) of every gender). I guess I'm a bit strange in that I've never felt "different", nor that I need to "come out" and announce my orientation to the people around me. I can't exactly pinpoint if I've ever felt strange... this is the way that I've always felt since I came out of my "boys are gross" stage.

I don't really take a lot of "extra care". I sort of accept that there are going to be "down periods", some of which will be no doubt brought on by negativity from others, and I hope that I will feel better later. I have yet to date someone of the same sex as me, simply because of how isolated I am from others, however, I can say that I neither find myself attracted to those who look similar nor those who are the exact opposite.

I'm indifferent about my physical appearance and do not contemplate it often, and do not have any "queer" role models or mentors. Yes, I have used aggressive/confrontational tactics to deal with bigotry before, but I no longer do so. I've had difficulties with people who were attempting to push heterosexuality and bisexuality on me in the past via same-age (not sure of the correct term) peer-pressure, and found it hard to stay calm then.

I understand what you are talking about when you speak of those who have been the victims of hate crimes due to their sexuality, or have committed suicide, but... I survive by not empathizing "with the entire world", as selfish and heartless as that seems. If you take on the woes of everyone around you, it's not surprising if your canoe sinks.

First, how do you identify? In regards to your gender identity and sexual orientation.
I seem to be very third gender, as far as I can tell. I tend to swap between all of them often, depending, on the activity and how I feel - without thinking about it. I am a demiromantic, which is the predominate aspect of my orientation... as far as I can tell I am bisexual based on past history, but the truth is that I might be pan - I haven't figured that part out yet. I simply identify as queer if anyone asks.

How long have you known you were different, and how long did it take you to accept it?
I have always known I was different, I just didn't know why, nor did I have the words to express or explain it.
Accepting it was the easy part. I haven't told people yet - only one person IRL - and one here on WP - and now this thread!

Do you currently feel like you have to take extra care not to let all of the negativity and hatred in the world bring you down?
It gets to me sometimes. But when I see people doing those types of thing - I know they are not fully aware as a person yet and are simply insecure and that is their way of compensating for it. When a person has to gain their self-worth from comparing to another person and putting that person down in order to feel better about themselves - it says more about them than it does about the person or people they are choosing to put down.

For anyone who is/has been romantically involved with someone who is the same gender/sex as you, do you tend to date people who kind of look like you?
Not really - it can be the complete opposite, or similar to me. It's hard to explain, but I tend to go for those who are 50% similar but 50% different. It's much more dependent on who the person is than what they look like though.

How self-conscious/insecure(if at all) are you about your body/physical appearance?
I'm not insecure about myself in that regard. I am self conscious about a few things though - my scars, my hips, my shoulders, and my eyes.
It's also hard not to be self conscious about the color of my skin since I live in the west. Back home I never was self conscious about it there.

Do you have a sort of Queer mentor or favored role model?
I don't have any.

Do you ever or have you ever used aggressive/confrontational tactics to deal with any bigotry you've encountered?
I make them confront themselves - which is really what it's about anyway (as per the third question).

The last time an african was being homophobic with me I simply stated - "You can't have it both ways, either you are against bigotry or for it. If you're for it, then stop complaining that people are being racist to you. If you're against it, then stop being homophobic - it's that simple."

Further on the previous question, what kind of situations have you encountered that were really challenging in terms of remaining calm or being a decent human being back to people who are saying abusive things et al?
Too many to count. The best reaction is to always make them look really hard at themselves and what they are doing. It will haunt them much more than it will me if I do that - and poosibly might even be productive for them.

How do you get by without breaking down emotionally?
I have other things to focus on that are more important to me that just one. This is one piece of a much larger puzzle, and I would rather work on solving the puzzle as a whole than getting down about one piece of it. Sometimes the better but harder thing to do, is simply be productive about it rather than breaking down over it.

Also... I kind of wish I had more gay friends and I just wondered who would be OK with me PMing them... I mean not to talk about anything specific but... just to correspond occasionally if we can find something to talk about?
You already know the answer to this.

First, how do you identify? In regards to your gender identity and sexual orientation.
Gender - masculine end/side of the spectrum
Sexual orientation - not attracted to anyone sexually. Romantically attracted to anyone regardless of gender, but mainly females. I tend to describe it as "I like who I like"

How long have you known you were different, and how long did it take you to accept it?
Came out as bi at 14 after realising it not long before. Gender stuff (I'm trans) since I was a kid.


Do you currently feel like you have to take extra care not to let all of the negativity and hatred in the world bring you down?
I try to not let things get to me. Most of all the gay/trans communities annoy me more than bigots. I just pity bigots.


For anyone who is/has been romantically involved with someone who is the same gender/sex as you, do you tend to date people who kind of look like you?
No, not at all.


How self-conscious/insecure(if at all) are you about your body/physical appearance?
I'm okay about it, despite being trans. I've learned to accept that transition (taking hormones and my chest surgery) would take the edge off the discomfort I feel, but replace it with new, more manageable things. I worry about my weight. Otherwise I'm fairly happy with how I look.


Do you have a sort of Queer mentor or favored role model? (such an older person who has been there for you, or even a public figure like James Baldwin or Fran Lebowitz whose work inspires you etc.) List as many as you wish.
Not really. I do love Ellen Degeneres, but not really in an "idol" sort of way. I do admire her though.


Do you ever or have you ever used aggressive/confrontational tactics to deal with any bigotry you've encountered? (I guess I mean stuff like telling someone that yeah, you're queer/different, and they can get used to it or f*ck off)
I didn't pass (as male) in the toilets at a dodgy pub once. This drunk guy turned around to me and started saying things like "Alright, darling?" I panicked and just said (in my deepest voice - before I was on hormones) "Are you a ******* poof or something?" The look on his face was priceless when he realised I was a guy. I left, and he took about ten minutes to come out of the toilets, obviously scared me and my "homophobic" mates would jump him or something. I feel bad for being homophobic, but it got me out of a far worse situation.


Further on the previous question, what kind of situations have you encountered that were really challenging in terms of remaining calm or being a decent human being back to people who are saying abusive things et al? (if you've ran into this)
I do a lot of support work with young people. Staying calm and polite in the face of stupidity from schools and social workers is hard.


I guess part of why I ask some of these questions is that every time I see a story about homosexuals and trans people and the evil queer folk, or someone being bashed, murdered, some kid committing suicide, (this list is potentially endless) or if I just think about the history and I think about the suicide rates among gay teens... I sometimes break down and cry for hours at a time because I cannot comprehend how so much of the world can be like this(kill the gays bill in Uganda?) and... I don't know. How do you get by without breaking down emotionally?
Again I know the work I do is helping people. If you actually sit there and think about all the bad things (for instance, it's Transgender Day of Remembrance next week and I saw a statistic earlier that said a trans person is killed every 33 hours or something like that) then you're going to get depressed, but I know that the workshops and outreach work that I do really helps. I can't change the world but I can help by changing some attitudes. I think it's also important to take time out from trying to fix things, otherwise you get so disillusioned and depressed.


Also... I kind of wish I had more gay friends and I just wondered who would be OK with me PMing them... I mean not to talk about anything specific but... just to correspond occasionally if we can find something to talk about?
Not gay (see first question) but sure

[quote="meems"]

First, how do you identify?
This is a hard one. I'm fluid, since I was young I've fancied people from all genders. When it comes to long term relationships men are my first choice, but can't help but find some women super hot. And androgynous looking people are nice too, so I sometimes find men with long hair attractive or women with small boobs/youthful body shapes or muscular ones. I don't really label myself, I'm not straight enough to say exclusively straight, the distribution of attraction isn't evenly spaced enough to call myself bi and pan takes too much explanation. I just say it changes but prefer opposite sex. Gender wise I've gone through various changes, when I was 14-early 16 I wanted to be a boy on the top half so I suited mens' clothes better, it's frustrating trying to pull off a boy look when there's boobs jutting out. I used to try flattening the boobs but never found a good enough item because the only thing in the house was thick scarves. I wanted my bottom half to stay female because I want to bear children in the future. That quickly ended when I rediscovered womens' fashion (weird I know.) I'd say I'm very feminine in some ways yet equally as masculine in other ways, I can think like such a man on occasion.

How long have you known you were different, and how long did it take you to accept it?
Since I was 11, and excepted it straight away. But then when I noticed I kept changing I realised I won't ever stick to one thing, so that's what I've excepted for now. Though I think it was before 11 technically, there was something I found rather enchanting about a girl in my class in junior school (who went from bullying me to being friendly non-stop throughout school), she dressed very "adult" for a little girl and I couldn't stop staring. Then when I started highschool I watched "Anger Management" and when the lesbian couple snogged I thought "ooh I wanna do that!" Then I was convinced I'd become lesbian, then fancied another boy and thought "oh s**t no I'm not XD" and I'd already told the whole school my feelings and I felt daft. (I had no sense of "taboo", I've always been a bit too open and trusting.) I went through most of primary school boy mad however (I went through puberty earlier than most, you see. So it was my main goal to attract the boy folk, resulting in embarrassing fashion statements).

Do you currently feel like you have to take extra care not to let all of the negativity and hatred in the world bring you down?
Nah. I'm too conventional to worry about that (I look like a woman, I like men the most etc etc...)

For anyone who is/has been romantically involved with someone who is the same gender/sex as you, do you tend to date people who kind of look like you?
(just something I've noticed, some of the couples I know frequently get asked if they're siblings #_#)

I've never been in a gay relationship, only had a brief experiment with an old friend when we were 11. We are polar opposites, I was tall and brunette and she was tiny and blonde.

How self-conscious/insecure(if at all) are you about your body/physical appearance?
I have hangups, I don't like my belly. I had some mild ana like symptoms in summer but I'm over it now.

Do you have a sort of Queer mentor or favored role model? (such an older person who has been there for you, or even a public figure like James Baldwin or Fran Lebowitz whose work inspires you etc.) List as many as you wish.
Not really, it's not an important part of my life. I used to be obsessed with tatu, but that was because I liked their music and style, nothing to do with the lesbian show. I did used to have a special interest in alternative sexuality around the time I wanted to be part boy.

Do you ever or have you ever used aggressive/confrontational tactics to deal with any bigotry you've encountered? (I guess I mean stuff like telling someone that yeah, you're queer/different, and they can get used to it or f*ck off)
Yes an no in a way, in highschool when I revealed all of my thoughts I was too ignorant of the taboos and I thought people were all mad for picking on me. And any questions they asked I answered honestly.

Further on the previous question, what kind of situations have you encountered that were really challenging in terms of remaining calm or being a decent human being back to people who are saying abusive things et al? (if you've ran into this)
Being quizzed non-top got tiring, I just tried to get away eventually.

If you're gay, you'll slowly come to the realization that straight relationships are a chore and not something you're doing because you're actually attracted to women, and as you come to terms with it, you'll eventually reach a point where you're glad to be gay and actually feel quite liberated. For some homosexuals, the bi identity is a transitory phase that helps them come to terms with their attractions.

I noticed in your entire post, you talked about men but you never talked about women. That would be a red flag to some of the gay guys I know who did the 'bi now gay later' thing. Were you attracted to women? How strongly, and for how long? What kind of porn did you watch? What girls did you crush on in school?

If you are bisexual, then I can tell you what will happen. You will very quickly notice your opposite-sex attraction flare up again once the novelty of using your newfound 'superpowers' has worn off, and then there will be this terrifying back-and-forth period where your attraction fluctuates, and one week it's "oh f**k, what if I'm really straight and I have to take it back to everybody", then the next it's "oh f**k, what if I'm really gay and I'll never get to have my own kids", ad infinum. The pendulum will swing.

When I first started thinking of myself as a bisexual man rather than a really-open-minded straight man, I went through an adjustment phase that lasted several months. During that time, I thought endlessly about my sexuality and I became hyper-aware of the fluctuations in my attraction that had always been there, but now had much more meaning since I noticed them. It's difficult to get used to. But once you have actual experience that will help a lot. I've found that by developing a huge crush and falling in love with someone, and having a relationship with them and having great sex creates a shortcut in my mind. I can now easily bring up my attraction to women or men on command by thinking about my ex-girlfriend for instance, or an ex-boyfriend.

I also think that the human brain has a lot of plasticity and it is quite possible if you find that you're stuck at around 70/30 leaning a certain way, that it is possible to slowly nudge it to the 50/50 mark. You have to allow yourself to fall in love with both, and that requires conquering more hangups and sticking your neck further out than most other lifestyle paths. It's not easy.

I'll go ahead and answer the questions then.

First, how do you identify? In regards to your gender identity and sexual orientation.
bisexual
genderqueer

How long have you known you were different, and how long did it take you to accept it?
Complicated to answer. I didn't recognize the feelings for what they were until my 20s, but I tacitly acknowledged something was off before then. I have enough experience with relationships to feel very confident about it now, and I plan to carry the 'bi' label, at the very least, for the rest of my life. 'Genderqueer' is a trickier one. I am still dissatisfied in all of my relationships on some level, but I don't see that transitioning would make things any better. It is possible I'll change my mind on this one in the future and decide to go full trans, and it's also possible I'll forget about it in the future. Presently I'm more satisfied with my gender than I was when I first developed an interest in sex (my dysphoria was very high at the time).

Do you currently feel like you have to take extra care not to let all of the negativity and hatred in the world bring you down?
Yes, I've had to grow teflon mental armor.

For anyone who is/has been romantically involved with someone who is the same gender/sex as you, do you tend to date people who kind of look like you?
I do like people with similar traits to me, but I also like people who are incredibly different. It's pretty broad.

How self-conscious/insecure(if at all) are you about your body/physical appearance?
I'm not insecure. I know I'm very attractive. Although I put some effort in to try to keep it up.

Do you have a sort of Queer mentor or favored role model? (such an older person who has been there for you, or even a public figure like James Baldwin or Fran Lebowitz whose work inspires you etc.) List as many as you wish.
David Bowie, Ric Ocasek, Pete Townsend, lotta bi guys in the music industry. Tons and tons of them.

Do you ever or have you ever used aggressive/confrontational tactics to deal with any bigotry you've encountered? (I guess I mean stuff like telling someone that yeah, you're queer/different, and they can get used to it or f*ck off)
Posting angrily on forums is the most I've ever done.

Further on the previous question, what kind of situations have you encountered that were really challenging in terms of remaining calm or being a decent human being back to people who are saying abusive things et al? (if you've ran into this)
I've never met anyone who said anything negative to my face. They're clearly to cowardly to come forward, so they hide on the internet and use the shield of anonymity to post their terrible opinions.

I guess part of why I ask some of these questions is that every time I see a story about homosexuals and trans people and the evil queer folk, or someone being bashed, murdered, some kid committing suicide, (this list is potentially endless) or if I just think about the history and I think about the suicide rates among gay teens... I sometimes break down and cry for hours at a time because I cannot comprehend how so much of the world can be like this(kill the gays bill in Uganda?) and... I don't know. How do you get by without breaking down emotionally?
I feel terrible about it. It's disgusting how puritanical our society is. I was always a huge supporter of gay rights long before I ever thought it was something that could affect me personally. Like I said before though, teflon mental armor. Just got to stay plugged in and live your life.

Holy hell Vatnos, that helped so much!

In foresight, yeah, I probably should have mentioned some things about my attraction to girls; I guess I got so caught up in trying to explain my situation and get help; that I completely forgot a very important part of my story. I have to say now, that I don't objectify girls or guys. I won't be attracted to someone because of big fat titty's, or a massive bulge, muscles, etc. sure, they might enhance my feelings for someone, but only after I gain admiration for them.

The porn thing, back when I was straight, it was mostly female masturbation, squirting, solo. that kind of thing.

I had a few major crushes on girls during high-school, I was a bit of a late developer compared to my peers, but that's mostly due to the fact I was put up a year due to my birthday being in March. There were probably 10 odd girls I had a crush on, but there was one, special girl... I can't really put words on it. I just, felt connected, but we hardly ever talked to each other.

She was a German exchange student, fluent in English. We must have said maybe 50 sentences to each other during the year I knew her... but I felt her presence man... her very being; her soul. there is no other logical way to put it other than that. I loved her and she loved me, we both instinctively knew it and we both didn't do a thing about it.

Her smile, her dark brown eyes, her cute freckled face... her perfect slim feminine figure, small tits, boyish haircut. the way she looked at me. Damn it Leoni K!

Single biggest mistake of my life... it took me 6 months to come to the realization that she went beck to Germany, and we'd probally never see each other again, I still think about her occasionally... I wonder if she does the same...



Yeah, that's happening now. swinging back and forth between genders... I'm so confused right now that I have no friggen idea what to think... when I'm attracted to guys, I don't feel sexually attracted to girls... when I'm attracted to girls, admittedly I do still feel a little attracted to guys... maybe it's just a transition thing though, still being a little new to guys? I have no idea.




That's reassuring... I guess; now I just gotta work on getting laid.

Damn it Leoni.

Thanks! That's awesome. Glad I could help.

I too have crushes from high school and college that I was too shy to act on. There was an insanely cute otaku girl in my german classes who I did invite to a party once, but was too scared to properly ask her out. I should've. It was the biggest mistake I ever made, passing her up. I always had very high social anxiety. It really reduced the quality of my life and held me back too many times. Internet dating solved that problem.

I'm a gay male, and am fairly masculine. I'm not a macho football fan with a big beer-belly, but I don't have time for female pursuits like shopping or consumption. I'll delegate that to my partner (who I can tell will be a queen).


It was an evolution. I think I told my family around 15. They were completely fine with it. I'm not sure when I came "out", but I may not be entirely out of the closet. I don't advertise that I'm gay, and if I didn't go to a gay coffeehouse, no one would ever know that I'm gay. It's not out of fear that I keep it hidden. It's just that I prefer not to be identified by it.


Thankfully, this isn't relevant. I once lived in an East Coast city where it felt more gay men than straight men lived there. Now I live in a libertarian area, where people generally leave us be. Older, more conservative types sometimes believe I am not gay or just questioning my sexuality, but realize they can do nothing to change my mind.


I liked to be groomed and clean.


Maybe if there were more gays in business or politics, but there are not. Barney Frank is the closest I can think of, but he disgusts me for other reasons, and I wouldn't consider him a role model.


No need, but I wonder if I would. I am considering a move to Salt Lake City, and while I know the city itself is liberal, the rest of the state is a borderline theocracy. I know they can't hurt me physically without consequences, but I do wonder how I'd react if they came after me.

Further on the previous question, what kind of situations have you encountered that were really challenging in terms of remaining calm or being a decent human being back to people who are saying abusive things et al? (if you've ran into this)



I look at it this way -- gay rights have come very far in the past few years even. It's not considered odd at all in certain parts of the country. I am also proud of my state for legalizing gay marraige, especially since the sponsoring legislator was a Republican from a more conservative district (the rest of the state is deep blue). I understand some of my Southern friends do not share these advantages, but I think nationwide acceptance is coming.


Cool. PM me if you wish. It'd be cool to get some demographic info.

First, how do you identify? This is really hard for me to answer usually if someone asks i just say that i don't associate outdated gender stereotypes to myself. I am gender neutral pounting towards the male end of the spectrum. AM I gay straight bi? Well I guess because i accociate as gender neautral this makes it very tough to answer. I have dabbled with girls and i do find them attractive ect but i have a very strong preference for men so i guess i am on the gay man side of things.

How long have you known you were different, and how long did it take you to accept it? When I was 3 after we had visited my father at work (he was working in a fctory), i started preying to god to make a production line i could lay down on and go down the assembly line and be a boy at the end.

Do you currently feel like you have to take extra care not to let all of the negativity and hatred in the world bring you down? It has been hard lately as my son has started school and one of the parents is very homophobic and makes lots of comments about fags. The other parents have asked me if i am a lesbian and as i am not but i really don't think it is anyones business i juust say "i am not straight" It is a very difficult situation to be in. I mostly have issues with sexual harrassment actually. I am what is considered a very attractive woman and i get lots of negitivity even from employers in the workplace and other employees/ students/ teachers/ random strangers that i would be so pretty if i wore a dress. Unless i actually transition to man, i do have to actually wear a dress and heels as work attire. I quietly tell the boss whenever i work somewhere i am trans and that i prefer to dress as a man and can i from the next day. 9/10 times i get a comment the next day when i am in mens attire about how much better i looked the day before. I gave a talk on gender stereotypes and discrimination at university recently and the only comment after my talk was "but you look so pretty". I got my own back by giving a talk on how we need reforms on sexual harrassment in legislation for OHS and that inappropriate comments about a persons apperance based on gender stereotypes falls under sexual harrassment.

For anyone who is/has been romantically involved with someone who is the same gender/sex as you, do you tend to date people who kind of look like you?
Actually the men i date tend to all share lots of charactoristics with me. I have been asked a lot if i am a sibling of a person i am dating. I just laugh it off now.

How self-conscious/insecure(if at all) are you about your body/physical appearance? I absolutely hate my body but not enough to surgically change it at this time. I like being as skinny as possible so i don't have curves and i don't hate my breasts because i don't fully identify as a man, i hate that they don't make mens clothes fit well. My boyfriend is a real boobs man and he keeps saying that he would love it if i got breast implants so they were huge and it makes me really upset. I suffer anorexia and buleimia and swing between the two.

Do you have a sort of Queer mentor or favored role model? I watched a transgender summer recently and I really admired all the transmen especially louis. I identify closer to gender neutral because i just don't have to guts to ever cross the line into living as a man. I am so envious that they could do that, maybe one day i will be also able to go closer to the mans side. I don't hate my female body enough to want to go all the way either.

Do you ever or have you ever used aggressive/confrontational tactics to deal with any bigotry you've encountered? Some people have made lots of jokes about the filthy fags and how dykes shouldn't have kids at my sons school. Especially one other mother. I usually say to their face "well you do know i am not straight". It usually shuts them up.

Further on the previous question, what kind of situations have you encountered that were really challenging in terms of remaining calm or being a decent human being back to people who are saying abusive things at all? See above


How do you get by without breaking down emotionally? As a little girl my fav charactor in any book was Jo from little women. if she can do it....So can I. I think if she was alive in this day and age, she would be a trans man.

Also... I kind of wish I had more gay friends and I just wondered who would be OK with me PMing them... I mean not to talk about anything specific but... just to correspond occasionally if we can find something to talk about? I have a very good friend here in my city who has aspergers and she has started transitioning into a man. I started by giving her all the advice i ha d and she has now taken it further. It is really great to know another person i can talk to about it.

Edit: I have been thinking why I wouldn't transition to a transman at this stage. It all comes down to the fact that I still kind of want one or two more children. Well I don't want to close off the possibility of that. Testosterone treatment leaves a high proportion of transmen infertile. I could have the option of freezing my eggs but I don't want to be a freak of a man with a pregnant tummy if I choose that path.

First, how do you identify? As a man. I may not be very traditionally masculine, but I don't really care. I'm attracted to men and women, and possibly people with other gender identities as well. I guess I'm more attracted to the person than to their gender, though I fluctuate between being more into guys and more into girls.

How long have you known you were different, and how long did it take you to accept it? I've known that I was different somehow since I was a kid, had many conflicting feelings when I started puberty because I just didn't know what to make of myself and whom I fell in love with. I listened to music a lot and started liking goth music and the look of the musicians, where you couldn't see if it was a man or a woman behind the makeup and huge hair, just that it was someone attractive. I haven't really told my parents I like guys as well, and I feel awkward when thinking about bringing someone home to meet them or something.

Do you currently feel like you have to take extra care not to let all of the negativity and hatred in the world bring you down? Yes, I am in a depression right now so I do all I can to keep from drowning in bad feelings. Due to my current situation I can't contact anyone in the medical establishment about this, so I will have to get through without any medical help whatsoever.

For anyone who is/has been romantically involved with someone who is the same gender/sex as you, do you tend to date people who kind of look like you? Not really, no. I've just only started dating and the idea of me as someone someone could be attracted to is novel and exciting after years of bullying and self-hatred.

How self-conscious/insecure(if at all) are you about your body/physical appearance? I think I look awful. Sometimes I think I look good, such as when I'm walking down a catwalk (I've done some modeling, it was fun) or when I've got my hair big and nice clothes. Getting a septum piercing helped in making me like myself a little bit more, as it reminded me that my body is mine and I can do what I want to it and other people have no right to it. Most of the time I think I look like a hideous troll, hah.

Do you have a sort of Queer mentor or favored role model? (such an older person who has been there for you, or even a public figure like James Baldwin or Fran Lebowitz whose work inspires you etc.) Kind of, I have older friends who helped me figure myself out whom I really like and owe a lot. I guess my queer role model is Oscar Wilde, since he was very well read, very stylish and a great writer.

Do you ever or have you ever used aggressive/confrontational tactics to deal with any bigotry you've encountered? (I guess I mean stuff like telling someone that yeah, you're queer/different, and they can get used to it or f*ck off) I'm too timid for that. I might think such things but I don't have the guts to say it out loud.

Further on the previous question, what kind of situations have you encountered that were really challenging in terms of remaining calm or being a decent human being back to people who are saying abusive things et al? (if you've ran into this) My ex saying awful stuff made my blood boil and was one of the reasons he became an ex. Bullies in school. Bloody idiots in politics who say completely idiotic things.

Also... I kind of wish I had more gay friends and I just wondered who would be OK with me PMing them... I mean not to talk about anything specific but... just to correspond occasionally if we can find something to talk about? Yes, of course I'm glad to have more friends! You seem like a interesting person.

First, how do you identify?

I identify as bisexual and gender queer. Though this is an ongoing and sometimes painful discussion with myself...It's not my gay side I have trouble accepting, but my staight side. I keep thinking I just imagine I have a straight side 'cause I want to have one. That I'm "false" and that I'm going to hurt myself and others pretending to be someone that I'm not....

I tend to idolize girls...or at least certain kinds of girls. It's hard to me to separate idolization, attraction and identification from one another. It kinda messes things up for me.

But...regardless of the reasons for me feeling this way, I tend to identify as bisexual and gender queer.

How long have you known you were different, and how long did it take you to accept it?


I've known I was attracted to guys since about eighth grade, when I had my second crush on a best friend. I still haven't accepted, emotionally, being bisexual and gender queer, I'm 28 now.

Do you currently feel like you have to take extra care not to let all of the negativity and hatred in the world bring you down?


Negativity, no. Stupidity, incompetence,and pointlessness? Disappointment? Despair? Loneliness? Hells yeah ^^

For anyone who is/has been romantically involved with someone who is the same gender/sex as you, do you tend to date people who kind of look like you?
(

Not at all, though I can't say I've been dating a lot. I like to date people who make me feel a certain way, who I can "connect" with. Though I could certainly date people who look the way I feel (between genders, androgynous), or like I would like to look myself.

How self-conscious/insecure(if at all) are you about your body/physical appearance?


Not at all really.

Do you have a sort of Queer mentor or favored role model?

I liked the person writing here before, the one with the green dragon/lizard.

Other than that, no. I've been depressingly isolated sadly ^^

Do you ever or have you ever used aggressive/confrontational tactics to deal with any bigotry you've encountered?

I haven't really encountered that kind of behaviour since high school. After that, I've only ever associated with smart people, or at least people with manners. Also, I'm very aggression inhibited so I guess no. Though I try to be a bit more assertive.

Further on the previous question, what kind of situations have you encountered that were really challenging in terms of remaining calm or being a decent human being back to people who are saying abusive things et al? (if you've ran into this)


Girls and small children pointing and laughing at me, because of my body language. A girl I liked who taught her little brother (who originally though I was "cute") to give me the finger. People talking about my "worthless social skills" while I'm actually in the room-

Again, I've never had any problems remaining calm though ^^

I don't know. How do you get by without breaking down emotionally?


I had a crush on my best friend for five years without saying anything, We kissed while drunk and even slept in the same bed a couple of times. I've had to develop iron skin over the years. I have trouble letting anyone at all know I feel troubled nowadays, I just tend to wave of people's concerns with sarcasm and plattitudes (is that a word in english?).

Also... I kind of wish I had more gay friends and I just wondered who would be OK with me PMing them.

If the chemistry turns out to be there, them fine I guess. But you'd better use my mail or facebook in that case.