Coming Out As Gay Was Easy—Coming Out As Autistic Was Hard

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AspieUtah
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07 Oct 2016, 1:22 pm

TheEstablishment.co wrote:
Coming Out As Gay Was Easy—Coming Out As Autistic Was Hard
May 17, 2016

by Euan Burns

I was born autistic and gay. I was also born with blue eyes, brownish hair, and short stubby fingers that would obviously hinder any attempt to become President of the USA, but all those attributes are accepted automatically by the world. Disability and homosexuality, on the other hand, set me apart. And yet, for most of my life, I was proud of one and fled from the other....

http://www.theestablishment.co/2016/05/ ... -was-hard/


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XenoMind
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09 Jun 2018, 6:04 pm

Pretty good article. I always felt that the stigma on ASD is much much much worse than any other stigma that you could possibly have, at least during the last two decades.



vaguelyhumanoid
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11 Jun 2018, 7:13 pm

XenoMind wrote:
Pretty good article. I always felt that the stigma on ASD is much much much worse than any other stigma that you could possibly have, at least during the last two decades.


Absolutely agreed. I've faced a lot of insults, gaslighting, mockery and exclusion from some NT people in the queer community. It's especially shocking from trans people, because that community faces a lot of similar issues with medical gatekeeping, being demonized etc.



Spooky_Mulder
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11 Jun 2018, 7:39 pm

As a bi dude who's recently been diagnosed with aspergers - hard for me to gauge.

I'd say coming out as gay is harder due to the risks involved:
- Kicked out of home for liking same sex
- Sent to conversion/torture center for liking same sex
- Potential familial rejection which may lead to suicide
- May be beaten, jailed, or killed depending upon the country

The stigma attached may currently be harder for people with aspergers since the world is more accepting of liking same sex than it used to be. Unsure. However the potential repercussions for liking same sex are currently, potentially, more extreme - or at least from the accounts I know.



XenoMind
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11 Jun 2018, 8:12 pm

Spooky_Mulder wrote:
- Kicked out of home for liking same sex
- Sent to conversion/torture center for liking same sex
- Potential familial rejection which may lead to suicide
- May be beaten, jailed, or killed depending upon the country

Where do you live, Pakistan?

Spooky_Mulder wrote:
However the potential repercussions for liking same sex are currently, potentially, more extreme - or at least from the accounts I know.

- Get locked in the mental facility, live in the cage (almost literally) and under heavy medications for all of your life
- Become homeless and die in the streets
(both of these is very real for the US, or EU)



SabbraCadabra
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11 Jun 2018, 8:34 pm

Sometimes I tell people that I'm in the closet, and they think I'm joking =)

Of course, I'm not gay.


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Spooky_Mulder
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12 Jun 2018, 12:50 am

XenoMind wrote:
Spooky_Mulder wrote:
- Kicked out of home for liking same sex
- Sent to conversion/torture center for liking same sex
- Potential familial rejection which may lead to suicide
- May be beaten, jailed, or killed depending upon the country

Where do you live, Pakistan?

Spooky_Mulder wrote:
However the potential repercussions for liking same sex are currently, potentially, more extreme - or at least from the accounts I know.

- Get locked in the mental facility, live in the cage (almost literally) and under heavy medications for all of your life
- Become homeless and die in the streets
(both of these is very real for the US, or EU)


Pakistan? No. America.

"Up to 1.6 million young people experience homelessness in America every year. Forty percent of them identify as LGBT."

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/par ... be44f5fd53

"Nearly 700,000 Americans Have Been Subjected To Conversion Therapy, Report Finds"
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/conversion-therapy-lgbtq-youth-study_us_5a6f549ee4b0ddb658c929e4

"Among youth who identify as sexual minorities, the likelihood of death by suicide has been estimated to be two to seven times greater than the likelihood of death by suicide among heterosexual youth."
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-truth-about-exercise-addiction/201710/why-are-suicide-rates-higher-among-lgbtq-youth

With beaten, jailed, or killed - wasn't necessarily saying America (although can be beaten or killed), could be Pakistan - that wasn't my first thought though. I was thinking more of Russia and how it treats people who are attracted to the same sex.

-----------
Homelessness and "disability" has a strong connection. However, do they become homeless due to their life spinning out of control and they couldn't afford the medical attention or because their parents kicked them out due to the diagnosis?

While I'm aware of many "disabled" (hate that word) being homeless, I'm unsure how many of those cases are due to people being intentionally kicked out by their families due to a diagnosis. Generally it's economic hardships, lack of medical care, or "wandering off" (for lack of a better term, my friend's mom is bipolar and became homeless for several months due to a major manic episode - she had a home, just nobody knew where to find her to take care of her and help her out). Thus, I personally attach that to the hardships that come with being "disabled" rather than being exiled out of one's home due to one's identity.

Or to sum it up - LIVING with autism is much more difficult than being gay, however the COMING OUT process is easier (especially if you're that highly functioning that it would require coming out - in severe cases, I don't think there would be a "coming out" process as there is with sexuality (sexuality you can hide, unsure if severe autism can be hidden)). I also don't see many stories about people being rejected or abandoned by their families after receiving a diagnosis. I could be taking it too literally though.

Whenever I meet a girl - I just say in passing "btw, I have aspergers, so can you let me know what you think if I -" etc. without a care. Reports have actually shown marriages/relationships can improve after a diagnosis if it's openly discussed. However, I don't say in passing "I also find guys attractive and I'm physically intimate with them" - since chances are she'll think I'm gay and trying to use her as a beard. Thus, for me personally coming out as having aspergers is very easy, if not beneficial - saying I like guys however... that one does sometimes turn girls off.



XenoMind
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12 Jun 2018, 9:41 am

Spooky_Mulder wrote:
Sent to conversion/torture center for liking same sex

And this happens in the US?

Spooky_Mulder wrote:
saying I like guys however... that one does sometimes turn girls off.

If this is the main problem that concerns you, you're an extremely happy guy.



Spooky_Mulder
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12 Jun 2018, 9:47 am

XenoMind wrote:
Spooky_Mulder wrote:
Sent to conversion/torture center for liking same sex

And this happens in the US?

Spooky_Mulder wrote:
saying I like guys however... that one does sometimes turn girls off.

If this is the main problem that concerns you, you're an extremely happy guy.


To the first point, here are the stats:

"Nearly 700,000 Americans Have Been Subjected To Conversion Therapy, Report Finds"
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/conversion-therapy-lgbtq-youth-study_us_5a6f549ee4b0ddb658c929e4

Here's a recent NYT article 'I Was Tortured in Gay Conversion Therapy. And It’s Still Legal in 41 States' about what it's like
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/01/24/opinion/gay-conversion-therapy-torture.html



XenoMind
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12 Jun 2018, 10:37 am

Spooky_Mulder wrote:
To the first point, here are the stats:

"Nearly 700,000 Americans Have Been Subjected To Conversion Therapy, Report Finds"
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/conversion-therapy-lgbtq-youth-study_us_5a6f549ee4b0ddb658c929e4

Here's a recent NYT article 'I Was Tortured in Gay Conversion Therapy. And It’s Still Legal in 41 States' about what it's like
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/01/24/opinion/gay-conversion-therapy-torture.html


Well, this sounds almost as bad as being institutionalized.