I have a crush...on a girl...who is a lesbian.

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Before I begin, I need to clarify a few things:
1. I'm a girl (shocker)
2. I'm 17 years old
3. I have Aspergers (obviously)
4. I never questioned my sexuality until recently.
Ok. There's this girl in my high school drama class and I can't stop thinking about her. I first noticed her when she was doing a group presentation in class. I liked her eyes and the way she talked. Afterwards I would look over my shoulder to see her sitting in the corner quite a lot. At some point, I joined the gay-straight alliance b/c I was interested in supporting the LGBT community. It turned out that the girl I liked was a member as well. That's how I found out that she was a lesbian. We talk in drama class a lot (even though I'm terrible at small talk). She has a cute smile and her eyes remind me of actress Greta Garbo's eyes who is in my opinion one of the most beautiful women who ever lived. And she is a fantastic artist. Anyways I think about this girl every day. When I found out that she has a girlfriend, I actually got a little teary eyed. Am I in love or is it just a phase and I should forget about it? Do I like her as a person or because of her sexuality? Am I something other than straight? Those are the questions I want to ask. I want this to mean something because I've never felt this way about anybody.

Noone can tell how you feel other than yourself but it looks like you are at least a bit in love with her. But that doesn't mean much. There is a spectrum between having a crush and being deeply in love. You are just starting. It will go away if you don't take any further steps. But it might get stronger if you try getting closer to her or let your imagination go wild. So be careful. If you don't want to be with her (which might be hard considering you are both girls and she has a girlfriend) or get your heart broken try not to think about her too much.

I am in similar situation but I got myself into a bigger mess. The girl I like is straight (well, she said she is bi but it doesn't seem like she would be seriously with a girl, not with me at least...) and is in a point of her life when she doesn't want any relationship at all, not even with boys although she likes them. But I fallen with her so deeply that the feeling simply won't go away. I was dumped by her 2 years ago and tried to think of her as just a friend since then but the feeling is still there. Oh, well. Not a big deal. At least it doesn't hurt anymore. I know my place as a friend so I keep my emotions down.

The fun part is I am also still wondering whatever I am in love with her or it's all in my head despite all the emotions I feel. So thinking like that must be a normal. Being in love doesn't mean that you know the person nor that your reasons to feel that way are right. It just means you see something in that person that gets you overly interested in her. It doesn't matter if its just your imagination or the real thing. Those get checked when an actual relationship starts.

About your sexuality - just assume everyone is bi till proved otherwise. It's a spectrum. Noone is 100% straight or 100% homo. Someone might be 99% straight but still get into someone of the same sex in a point of their life.
I was thinking of myself as a "les" till I got dumped by the girl and tried dating some people to forget about her. It didn't work out well in the end (since the feeling is still there) but at least I realized I can be happy with a boy too. I was with one for a few months and it wasn't half bad. I even forgot about the girl for a while. But my feeling to her returned as soon as the new relationship fallen apart.

Hi Blossoms,

Sounds to me like you have a full on crush! I know what it is like to have your first crush be on a girl (I'm female) and so not only have to deal with the crush itself, but also the implications for your sexual orientation. The experience was pretty overwhelming for me.

Since your crush already has a girlfriend, unfortunately it sounds like you will not be able to do anything about it at the moment - that is tough and can be pretty difficult at times, but eventually your feelings will probably lessen in intensity.

Regarding the word love: Love is a term that I myself tend to prefer to use for feelings that are reciprocated. Even if you don't use the word love though, it does not diminish the strength of your attraction and affection for this girl, and it does not mean that this is "just a phase". What you are feeling now is very real, and I think you would be doing yourself a disservice to dismiss this crush as just a phase, especially since you say that you want this to mean something.

Regarding your sexuality: You don't have to immediately decide whether you are gay, bi, or straight. Take some time to do some reflection. Are you attracted to other girls? Are you attracted to boys? Some people are 100% attracted to one gender, and identify as gay or straight. Others like me are somewhere in-between. I don't get attracted to people very often, but when I do, it is usually to a girl, but occasionally a boy. It took me a while to really figure that out for myself, and 6 years after coming out to myself as bi, I'm still not really sure about the boys.

If you like to read, that can be a great way to explore your sexuality as well. There are a lot of great YA books out there with LGB protagonists, and I found that reading things from the viewpoint of a lesbian or bi protagonist really helped me work out that I shared and identified with their orientation, and simultaneously helped me be more comfortable applying that label to myself.

If you like her then ask her out.

If you like the girl, you like the girl. If you desire the girl, you desire the girl.

It's not so bad being gay these days; gay people could get married now!

In the 1970s, it was a whole different ballgame. Homosexuality was not something to be discussed at the dinner table. It was pretty taboo then.

LOL...How am I supposed to know whether it's "love" or not? You're the one with the feeling