Sexuality struggles

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I've had an odd series of developments in my sexuality as of late and I felt I just needed to put it out there.

For years I never really thought about it, believing it to be something "for other people", but last September, just before I started at university, I admitted to myself that I thought I was bisexual. I immediately felt liberated by this, feeling as though a whole new aspect of my personality had been unlocked. I managed to mention it to my friends, many of whom are gay men themselves, and they seemed happy for me. Since I used Twitter to talk to them primarily, I decided to create a new private account where I could explore these issues and discuss things with them, which very much helped me to find myself. I began to discover a cutesy, sweet and sensitive side to myself that had for years been buried under layers of awkwardness.

I had some reservations at first, but during my first week of university I experienced my first (and so far only) crush on another male, a classmate of mine. Because of this, coupled with discussions I had about it with some gay friends of mine, I decided that I must be full-on gay, and adopted this as an aspect of my identity in my own eyes. I found that I was now able to express my emotions more easily to myself and others and I was happier because of it. I suddenly had a clearer outlook on life and was nicer to myself and to my friends. Only one thing loomed over me: my parents. I thought it was important that I told them about it, and, after some weeks, I managed to come out to my dad. He was extremely happy for me, and helped me tell my mother as well.

Slowly though, bits and pieces of the persona and the world-view I'd built up began to fall apart. Having convinced myself I was gay, I became confused by any level of heterosexual feelings I experienced. I started to feel like a fraud, as though I'd built all of this up for attention. I thus became distanced from the sweeter and more emotionally open side to myself I had so recently unearthed, reverting to the awkward state I was in before.

Having dwelled upon the issue, I think that bisexual is the label for me, if anything, with a leaning more towards gay than straight. I think that I'm happy with that. Even still, Im not the person I once was. I can't shake the feeling of being an imposter, and am disinclined from in any way associating with LGBT communities because of it. I hope that this can be the first step towards rectifying that.

If anyone else would like to share their experiences with similar matters, I would love to hear them. Thank you for reading.

For a couple of years I thought I was strictly lesbian, but after a while I started to realize I was actually bisexual. It caused some confusion with my family, and I don't think my mom and stepdad completely get it yet, but most people were accepting of this new realization as well.

It's nice to hear that people were accepting of you. I'm sure my parents would be of me as well, but I still can't help feeling something of an expectation for me to be one thing after I made such a big deal of it. Part of me feels like I might have just found "I'm gay" easier to say to my parents than "I'm bi" and convinced myself I was from there.

Well it probably would've been much worse for you to pretend you're something you're really not. It's best in the long run for you to be what you really are inside.

I think we can evolve and enjoy different aspects of ourselves as we age, learn, change . There shouldn't be a rule that says your sexuality must be decided at a certain age and then you're done.

f**k labels. I think that humans are too complex to fit neatly into such small labeled boxes, and I think sexuality is more of a rich and diverse continuum than some simplistic either/or, black-and-white, binary dichotomy. To hell with taxonomies; what if you're not "Straight" or "Gay" attracted to "Men" or "Women", but simply a genuinely kind, loving person who's attracted to genuinely kind, loving people; someone who really sees another's heart hidden beneath the culturally imposed labels we're all supposed to wear around our necks?
Wouldn't you like to be that free?

I used to identify as Ace, at a time when I really did not feel sexual attraction to anyone. It wasn't until I was about 19 until I started to experience sexual attraction. It's one of those things that I didn't know what it was like until I did. I do not see this as an invalidation of asexuality, not at all, but it just shows the fluid nature of sexuality.

This probably came about because that was about when I first started to learn the signals that indicate when someone is attracted to me. Granted, feeling like the center of attention makes me extremely uncomfortable. I still don't know how to act in those situations

I've experienced love/attraction toward people of all genders and gender expressions, so I identify as pansexual now.