The Wrong Planet Limerick Thread!

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I guess that I'm what's called an aspie
Non-verbal stuff just goes right past me
I can talk all about
The neat things I've found out
But nobody ever will ask me

A guy, a strong coffee drinker,
Found that it made him no thinker.
“No matter I drink”,
He said, “I can’t think.
It’s burned my brain to a clinker.”

A chef who liked spice was once telling
In a voice quite strong but not yelling
That garlic tastes great
But did indicate
An afterwards problem with smelling.

A fellow who kept thirty dogs
Admitted he’d rather have frogs
As he preferred hopping
To standing and stopping
While dogs smelled around under logs.

A kid with a most wicked grin
Admitted he loved to do sin.
He’d scream at wild crows
With his thumb to his nose
And dribble his spit down his chin.

A girl from south Brooklyn once said,
“I hates to get outa bed.
Dose boids in dem trees
Makes me yell ‘Jees!’
I wisht dat deyd all drop dead!”

When baking a cake please be sure
The stuff you put in is quite pure.
Horseflies and mice
Are really not nice
And certainly not horse manure.

A pilot who liked to play tricks
Would frighten his people for kicks.
He’d fly upside-down
Just to play clown.
He’s now underground in the sticks.

There once was a member named Sand,
Who played violin in a band.
He played so swell,
The conducter did yell,
"Let's all stand and give him a hand!"

This writer working this PC
Knows someone who is worshipping the letter D
She is a hottie with sexy legs
But eats nothing but deviled eggs
And I she always sees!

I can't seem to stop eating Tic-Tacs
Which may seem to be a bit whack
My meds make my mouth dry
So bad that I cry
I've become a very sad sack

With syllables nine (or maybe eight) on the first line,
And ditto the second - is just fine.
The third and fourth should
Have five (or sometimes they can have six), if you would.
And the last line returns to a nine (or eight, see above).

Now pedants like Lau are a pain.
Insisting on detail - so vain.
If the content is good,
Who cares what you "should".
(I'm thinking of going go to Spain).

http://www.kith.org/logos/words/lower/l.html

Limericks are not any chore.
It's easy enough to write more.
Five minutes apiece,
And they never cease.
So I never have to keep score.

Oh how I love my AS.
I buy my shoes from Payless.
It is such a breeze,
So tight when I sneeze.
And some people want to weigh less.

The insult that was thrown at me was very cold
It made me want to cry and fold
Myself into a little ball
But it would hurt because I am tall
Fall off did my ring of gold

Assburgers really are great!
A good one will fill up a plate.
Placed in a bun,
The flavour will stun.
Your hunger they will surely sate.

I find that these verses are diffi
cult to get into the very fi
nished form that every per
son would see as the ter
sest way of saying I need coffee.

There once was a mayor named Rudy
Who was doing a lady named Judy
He bonked all this time
On the taxpayer's dime
And claimed it was just public duty

Merle

I have a jacket made of tweed
It was not originated from a seed
Hanging on a coatrack on sale
I found in the jackets for males
I tried it on, loved it, and bought it for three

I've pondered much and figured out in life,
That too much energy is vested in strife,
Nonaction is now my acumen,
Wasting away in others opinion,
All things considered, I'm too young for a mid-life crisis!

Checked on the limerick thread today
saw it had fallen by the way.
Must come up with the words
However absurd
Its "death" would bring wsmac dismay.