does anyone know how to play guitar

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Simply pick it up, learn some chords to a simple song and play. You'll probably advance quite quickly in your first 6 months to a year. After that it's all about the obsessive dedication.

Oh, and have fun

I've been playing for 28 years and am one of those with near perfect pitch I tried to explain it to a friend that I "remember" what my E string should sound like. I am primarily self taught and started on a cheap electric guitar ( a Harmony flying V!) I did take lessons for 5 years which mostly consisted of bringing a tape to my teacher and having him show me the song. I play by ear and memory I can't read musical notation but tablature or tab,really helped me out along with book/tape and video lessons. I play heavy metal mostly. But the main thing is practice! I used to spend 6-10 hour days practicing to get my chops up. Good luck!

Wow, Jeff! That's some serious practicing.

On a good day, when I'm not depressed, I can practice for hours at a time till my fingers ache... and I've noticed that my left hand span has increased significantly over the last year when compared with my right hand. They used to be the same.

Since I'm not working at the moment, once housework is done, there's no reason why I shouldn't practice for more hours a day than I do. Thanks for the inspiration!