The Wrong Planet Limerick Thread!

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The magpie that tweaked the maid's nose
While she was hanging out clothes
Was a silly old bird
That should have preferred
Something tasty, but, that's how it goes.

The ostrich is famous for sticking
Its head underground, perhaps licking
Something tasty and dead.
It's untrue. But instead
Watch out! It's terrific at kicking.

Then there's the common brown cricket
Who lives in the grass in the thicket.
It's chirp rate betrays
The heat of the days
At least, until you kick it.

The butterfly flutters by sweetly
With colorful flight, not discreetly.
It sucks on the flowers
By minutes and hours
Departing fulfilled completely.

Most people are panicked by snakes
Which they chase off with shovels and rakes.
So the snakes disappear
With a hiss and and a sneer
Into moleholes and drains and lakes.

Let us consider the mole
Who lives on the lawn in a hole
Eating plant roots and bugs
While it happily shrugs
Off efforts to rid him with drugs.

Wall Street has taken bad turns,
And it's always the small chap it burns
While the guy with big money
Can feel it's quite funny
To escape with the millions he earns.

R.A. Heinlein once wrote, and it's true,
If you're on your last dollar, you're scr*wed.
The guys owing large sums
Never end up like bums
It's the small fries what gets in the stew.

Fries in the stew aren't bad
If an onion or two can be had.
When you're poor it's no bother
To start eating each other
When hunger invents a new fad.

A grizzly bear with frizzy hair
Could drag you off into his lair
To demonstrate his culinary
Way to make a bloody mary
With vodka and something more rare.

In Bagdad one must be discreet
As to where one places one's feet.
To know if it's right
To be on the Shiite
Or the Sunni side of the street.

A lobster with mobster ambitions
Ruled his mob with just two conditions.
Don't travel in cabs
And don't fool with crabs
Or they'll pinch you in awkward positions.

Sand, the inveterate rhymer,
Whose verse be couldn't sublimer,
When asked for word order
That crossed o'er the border,
Said watch just out for the timer.

The internet babble inspires
All sorts of nonsense through wires.
And now it is clear
The atmosphere
Is ablaze with our gossipy fires.

NT's babble away
un-ashamedly gay
til an argument brews
join the fight they all do
"I'm right!" they all say.

Scientology's a serious hobby
and can save you a packet of money
if you're a rich selfish prick
and need a tax-dodging trick
but Spiritually I know it is phoney