My first poem

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A thousand questions stir in my mind “Who am I?”
Who can tell me the answers to that which I seek? I ask my family to solve the universe and understand every single fibre, flow of information that keeps me on edge… keeps me awake at night.

A thousand thoughts pop up in my head “Am I connecting?”
Who can give me the key to unlock that which I desire? I talk to my friends… I expect my emotions to connect with theirs, entwined like vines twisting and joining so lovingly and tenderly.
I look into your eyes, but I see the sun glaring back into mine, shaking the very core of my soul “earthquake!” I cry… I turn my head away.

Everyday I trudge through solid water… the steps I take sap my strength, aching along through the mighty stubborn ocean. In the middle of the sea I stare on into the horizon, as people are running across the soft fair sand, I observe them building castles without effort, without thought. I build castles too - in my mind.
There is no sand out here, far out here in the great ocean yonder. I cannot build… I cannot run… there is nothing to stand on… nothing to hold onto, or to grasp in the empty sadness of my weeping soul. I think heavily to the depths of the ocean floor… there is no oxygen to breathe… I do not like it down there, where I think, not swim.

Or maybe I am not a human at all, and I can indeed swim – am I a dolphin? A lovely feeling so warm and safe… an electric tingling of excitement so enticing… just to think of me swimming majestically, with such grace and flamboyancy, lapping through the ocean so childlike, my own space, my own wild ride, a roller coaster…
I get bored, burning up more energy than my mind is willing to store, thinking back to the same spot that drags me down to the dark ocean floor.
A true tale of sorrowful beauty, a fantasy so bittersweet… today you see a hopeful Sam… and I will never accept defeat.

First try? Pretty good!

The first priority of a writer, any writer, is simply to write. You've got that down here.

Don't know if you were looking for any constructive criticism, so I hope you aren't offended if some is offered.

Keep in mind I'm not much of a poet, but I do read it now and again. I'm mostly a lyricist, which is slightly different, but lot of the same principles apply.

One thing about poetry it's taken me a long time to learn is that it is often what is not directly said that gives it power. Poetry is often the "art of innuendo," where you allude to the point you want the reader to infer. The author implies, the reader infers. You can do that trough imagery, which is what you have done.

One example of what I'm talking about is actually in your signature (which I don't know if you wrote, but it works as a good example, and can be applied to your poems):

"Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle,
and the life of the candle will not be shortened.
Happiness never decreases by being shared."

The last line is actually unnecessary, as it is really just an explanation of the meaning of the first two. Poetry doesn't attempt to explain itself. Poetry simply makes statements, usually with as few words as it takes to construct an image, and leaves the interpretation to the reader.

"Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle,
And the life of the candle will not be shortened"

Says everything. It's a riddle A lot of poems are riddles, and part of the beauty is in the demonstration of the answer withing the riddle itself.

Now, about "as few words as possible." See how this reads:

"A thousand candles lit by one
The 'one' will never die"

Much fewer words, yet the meaning is not lost, and doesn't really need any explaining. "Light" as a euphemism for happiness is widely known and accepted. Not very many people need that explained to them. "Light" also represents knowledge and/or spirituality. Now the poem has more than one meaning, and may have a different meaning for each reader that sees it. Now, instead of pretty much telling your readers how you interpret your work, you're allowing them to interpret it for themselves.

I know that's a tough thing for any Aspie. I used to hate to think my songs would be interpreted any other way other than the meaning I had in mind when I wrote it. It went against everything I felt a song or poem should be. "It ought to be what the writer intended!" I thought, but I've since come to accept that when you don't give your readers or listeners the ability and freedom to interpret things in a way that is most meaningful to THEM, they won't ever "feel" it as their own. And that, if you want others to like your work, is really important. Allowing your readers to "own" what you've written, as if it means something special to them, not you, is what draws readers, and keeps them coming back.

Give them imagery, but don't explain it all. Give them thoughts, but not in straight "literal" terms. We Aspies are very literal, and that part of poetry and lyricism tends to allude us.

Explained:

"I build castles too - in my mind."

Why not just "I build castles too..." ?

You don't really need at that point of the poem to indicate they are in your mind. You've already established that's where we are at the beginning of the poem. We know the castles are in your mind. We know they are dreams, aspirations and many other things too. We don't need to be told.

Few words:

"Who can give me the key to unlock that which I desire? I talk to my friends… I expect my emotions to connect with theirs, entwined like vines twisting and joining so lovingly and tenderly."

This says pretty much the same thing:

"Where is the key that unlocks my desires?
Entwined vines twisting and joining
Lovingly, tenderly
Emotions connect..."

These are just examples of other ways to say the same things. Often simply removing words works well. It doesn't HAVE to make perfect sense. It doesn't HAVE to use every word that would make it work for prose writing. It doesn't have to follow strict rules of grammar. And it doesn't have to mean the same thing to every reader that reads it.

Meaning is VERY important to me. To me, a song writer, when asked what a song he wrote means, who says, "It means whatever you want it to mean," is copping out. Lots of poems and songs have NO real meaning.

But if you can write something that, when you tell others its meaning, people nod and go, "Oh! Yeah! I see that now!" yet they interpreted it a bit or even totally differently on their own, and liked it, THAT is really good poetry.

Keep writing!

Thank you MrXxx.
My signature is actually a Buddhist saying, but if it were a poem then I could see why the last line wouldn't matter.
Thank you for the advice and help. I have indeed used a lot of words and perhaps could structure this poem a little better, and touch it up with some air brushing as it were.

I write songs too, although I haven't for a while. You have told me correctly with the first rule being to write something, and I must again.

See you around man.

Best of fortune with your writing too. Your songs are working well. Keep it up.

Poetry is very subjective too. The answer to the question, "What is a poem?" is largely dependent on the answerer. Opinions abound, whether they be about what a poem is, whether an "alleged poem" really is a poem, whether or not poems should or should not have rules, and if so, what those "rules" are. It's all in the eyes, ears and senses of the beholder.

Everything I've told you are only my opinions. Take from it what you will. Take from others what you will. Make your own choices.

The biggest thing with any art is understanding what you want to accomplish with it. If all that matters to you is that you like it, do whatever satisfies you, but understand that writing only for yourself can often result in a pile of notebooks on a shelf that only you, and few others, if any, ever read. If you want to reach others, and develop an audience, there's a lot of "hit and miss" trial and error involved in the process. If you read poetry yourself, you might take a look at which authors you prefer the most, and try to emulate them, but be careful! Sometimes our favorite authors may be nothing like us.

Just as an example, I'm a lyricist. I have two favorite lyricists. Neither of them have similar backgrounds to myself. One is Scottish, grew up in Scotland, and from his writing you can tell was educated in a very different school system than I was. The other is Canadian, and other than touring with his band, has spent his entire life living in Canada. As a result, almost everything he writes is from a very "Canadian perspective." I grew up in New England, and only visited Canada many times during my youth, and into my adulthood. Though I do identify somewhat with the Canadian author, I have no clue what it really "feels" like to be born and raised in Canada. I have no idea what it's like to be born and raised in Scotland, or what it's like to have mastery over the vocabulary of someone with a much different education than I've had. So I can't really emulate either of my favorite lyricists in terms of writing styles at all. But I can look at how they write about who they are, and how they embed their environment in their writing, and try to emulate that. All the best authors of any style of writing will tell you to be true to who you are. Don't speak in languages or with words you don't fluently understand, even if that means you have to write in plain language. Speak your own language. Don't speak with words you wouldn't normally use in everyday speech. If you do, it doesn't sound like you, but sounds like you trying to be something or someone you're not.

Write what you know. Be honest. Stretch yourself, but stretch slowly, and gradually. "Allow" your writing to grow, but don't force it to grow. When you force it, it will show, and will come across as "fake."

Once you are comfortable with your writing, the hard part comes. Who is your audience? How old are they? What kind of people are they? How do they think? What makes them come back to read more? Those seem at first to be hard questions to answer, but the fact is, the answer is easier to find than a lot of burgeoning writers think it is. The easiest way to identify your audience is to look in the mirror. Yeah, you! If you are comfortable enough with your own writing that you actually like it, then your audience is going to be something like YOU. Think about how you think. What are your attitudes? How do you see the world? Your audience are going to be people like, or at least somewhat like you. Keep writing, and PUT IT OUT THERE. Let people read it, the more the better.

You WILL get criticism. You WILL get nasty criticism. You will get constructive criticism. Listen to both. In most cases, the nasty stuff is coming from people who just don't "get" what you do. That isn't your audience. Pay as much attention to who your audience ISN'T, as you do to who your audience IS. In this way, you can know which criticisms to ignore. Don't write for those people. Write for those that DO get it. You will get more negative than positive remarks, at least in the beginning, and maybe always. Only pay attention to the positive. Constructive criticism is not negative. Listen to it as well.

That's all I've got. Didn't mean to preach really. I think I was "pep-talking" myself as much as you.

Take care, and post more stuff when you have it!