Page 1 of 1 [ 9 posts ] 

kxmode
Supporting Member
Supporting Member

User avatar

Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,613
Location: In your neighborhood, knocking on your door. :)

08 Aug 2010, 4:45 am

How do I spell "malliss?" I can't figure out the spelling. It sounds like malous, or malliss. Someone help me please.


_________________
A Proud Witness of Jehovah God (JW.org)
Revelation 21:4 "And [God] will wipe out every tear from their eyes,
and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore.
The former things have passed away."


PaleBlueDotty
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 4 Aug 2010
Age: 51
Gender: Female
Posts: 190

08 Aug 2010, 4:51 am

malice - a desire to harm others or to see others suffer; extreme ill will or spite

is that the one?



kxmode
Supporting Member
Supporting Member

User avatar

Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,613
Location: In your neighborhood, knocking on your door. :)

08 Aug 2010, 4:52 am

Yes! That's it. Thank you! :)

Scurries back to story he's writing.


_________________
A Proud Witness of Jehovah God (JW.org)
Revelation 21:4 "And [God] will wipe out every tear from their eyes,
and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore.
The former things have passed away."


PaleBlueDotty
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 4 Aug 2010
Age: 51
Gender: Female
Posts: 190

08 Aug 2010, 4:55 am

you're most welcome - it always gives me a buzz to support a creative mind, :wink:



kxmode
Supporting Member
Supporting Member

User avatar

Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,613
Location: In your neighborhood, knocking on your door. :)

08 Aug 2010, 5:06 am

Thank you again for your help! Here's where I'm using the word:

Quote:
“The tactics spire. Very nice! Sabor and I have Sazert next. I really cannot wait to kill something.” Rezen finished with a glint of malice.


Here's another unedited snippet:

Quote:
Rezen began to looked around frantically, and when he saw there were no other creatures in pursuit he smiled, and then began to laugh; a victor’s laugh. He held up his weapon in victory with both hands; the blood began to splash on his shoulder and face. He saw Sabor running towards him also pumping his weapon in victory.

“That was amazing Rezen!” yelled Sabor.

Rezen saluted the approaching Sabor. As he wiped the blood away from his face he couldn’t help himself from asking, “Sabor did you deliberated miss those shots?!”

“No!” replied Sabor truthfully. “You know I dislike this course!”

Rezen thought back to the match earlier in their dorm. Sabor was never good in combat, but there were times when he could surprise Rezen. When he realized Sabor was telling the truth the realization that he had dispatched three Taziin by himself began to set in.

“Ready for tier 2?” Rezen said smiling, enamored of his prowess.

Sabor aimed his weapon towards tier two in reply. They both ran towards a pad against the wall and as they stood on the pad Rezen turned to Sabor, half covered in blood and said, “I want you to kill something.”

“Tier 2!” yelled Sabor psyched from Rezen’s achievement.


:)


_________________
A Proud Witness of Jehovah God (JW.org)
Revelation 21:4 "And [God] will wipe out every tear from their eyes,
and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore.
The former things have passed away."


PaleBlueDotty
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 4 Aug 2010
Age: 51
Gender: Female
Posts: 190

08 Aug 2010, 6:15 am

sounds fiercesome, 8O

whilst i was reading it, i instantly saw the text come to live.

for me it looks like a derelict gothic spire covered in moss standing on a large plain stretching to the horizon. there is no other building in the vicinity.
the taziin are winged, yes most definitely, they have wings and beaks and large talons, and their skin is metallic green (blue bottlefly green)
the two protagonists were fighting this battle at quite some height and had to hold onto the slippery moss covered stones.

it's really eerie, i used to do this as a kid all the time - choreographing classical ballet in my mind to Mussorgsky's "Night on bald Mountain" and Stravinsky's "Firebird" (in reality the dancers probably would have dropped dead after rehearsal, :D ).

my biggest shock came, when i watched "The Neverending Story" - i felt nauseous at the sight of the film, because it had destroyed my own fantasia, i felt like i could not visit the fantasia that i created from the book without the "hollywood contamination" any more, :cry: .

p.s.: i hope i have not "contaminated" your mental picture of your story, with my bluebottleflygreen platitudes about your heroes, :wink:



kxmode
Supporting Member
Supporting Member

User avatar

Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,613
Location: In your neighborhood, knocking on your door. :)

09 Aug 2010, 2:22 am

No you haven't because Taziins look like something else, but I enjoyed your imagination all the same! :)

I have a full 32-page, 24-chapter, scene-by-scene outline. Needless to say I know where the story is going. This is very early in the story.


_________________
A Proud Witness of Jehovah God (JW.org)
Revelation 21:4 "And [God] will wipe out every tear from their eyes,
and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore.
The former things have passed away."


dtoxic
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 22 Jun 2008
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 346
Location: Boston MA

11 Aug 2010, 12:40 am

Mini-critique:
One line you have "deliberated" when I think you meant "deliberately".
Also at the end he yells "Tier 2!", psyched by so-and-so's achievement.
Leave out things like ", psyched by so-and-so's achievement".
I forget what style critics call these clauses but long story short they are unnecessary clutter. I knew dude was psyched when he yelled "Tier 2!" That's enough - you gave the reader the correct impression, move on.
These are minor criticisms. Rock on.



kxmode
Supporting Member
Supporting Member

User avatar

Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,613
Location: In your neighborhood, knocking on your door. :)

11 Aug 2010, 9:50 am

I think you're describing passive versus active but I want to thank you for your feedback and spell corrections. Again, it is very raw and unedited. I'm in the stage where I'm writing this story as quickly as I can just to get it on paper.


_________________
A Proud Witness of Jehovah God (JW.org)
Revelation 21:4 "And [God] will wipe out every tear from their eyes,
and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore.
The former things have passed away."