I need help with an unfinished short-story

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Hello,

at the moment I am writing a short-story, it's my first piece of art I would ever finish. Right now I am feeling very uncomfortable with the story, I don't think it's readable.

What I am asking for is, if there is someone who would kindly take the time to read it and then tell me what they think?

I fear that I have written way too densly, right now, while reading through I didn't feel the story at all, none of the emotions I have tried to so hard to create. This is very important to me.

The story is 10 pages long at the moment. Please send me a pm, if you would like to read and comment on it.

All I want to know is if you were able to get a feeling for the setting, for the emotions of the character. I want to know if you yourself felt these emotions, if the story could convey them.

This is all very rushed and not well thought through, sorry for that. Thanks in advance to anyone volunteering.

You may want to visit a forum that is specifically setup for giving and receiving critiques. Writer's Digest offers this:
http://forum.writersdigest.com/forums/f ... asp?fid=24

You may also want to read "Top 10 Hints for Writing a Successful Series"
http://www.writersdigest.com/article/chiaverini-top10/

And "The 10 Commandments of Fiction Writing"
http://www.writersdigest.com/article/Th ... n_Writing/

There are lots of amazing articles on ways to improve your writing if you feel it is needed. Also check out this thread: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt126353.html