Introduction:
*I put the meaning in the end, because some say you should let your work talk for you, but I wanted to explain as well.
*I tried to put down my thoughts to a rhyming text. Please keep in my mind that I've no experience whatsoever in writing lyrics/poetry, and that English's not my mother tongue.
Since I cannot put down what I think and feel to "normal" writing at all times, I thought of trying some forms of art other than writing texts. Perhaps I'll continue writing and/or try to write music to accompany it as well (I play bass guitar).
*Please, if you liked it, or parts of it, reply, either here or sending a private message. It's important to me.
*Feel free to comment about it, as long as it's positive or constructing criticism. If you didn't like it please just don't say anything.
When mood was bad, and face all mad
It seemed like the right time for me to write
What I have had, but in my head
It felt that empty so that I might
Follow the path right to the bath
Where I can wash my nothingness away
I hear your breath, for me it's math
I can't help but analyse my day, that way
I wasn't able to write that fable
Like those same heroes whom I admire
But like them felt stable just like a table
That set its own foot on fire
That's what I feel, for me that's real
An object with a self-destructive tendency
I sign that deal, I eat that meal
So I can fully convert to that currency
And now I am no more a man
As long as I keep taking part in the game
It's not a jam, it's not so when
You're not sure what it means to hear your name
Then it felt so far, then I thought "you are"
When I heard about drugs and addiction
Now I have that scar, now I think "we are"
Now I feel it as truth, not as fiction
They tried to warn, but since the day I was born
I was destined to this route of loneliness
No need to mourn, just blow that horn
'Cause now that music's my only source of happiness
And now I write, like I thought I'd might
But what's my message and what's my point?
I searched for a light, and I did reached that height
But the only fire in that darkness was the end of a joint
Now in that dress, my life's a mess
If when it's only a joint it also means that I'm okay
As long as it's nothing else, 'cause I chose to bless
All forms of normal life away
Meaning:
*It's about how I feel right now, and about me a few years back, wanting to suffer as much as the artists that I felt where the only ones who understood me, through their art. Now I'm in the position of being the person that I wanted to be, who suffered enough through encounters and/or drugs, as I've been through difficult times with those. Now I'm okay, and only use them "sensibly", not so much and not every drug, but I feel some irony - because I still feel that there's no other way for myself other than becoming an addict. I'm trying to live in a different way, I hope it works, but there's a lot of comfort in that submission to feelings of suffer. It's freeing. And I felt so bad inside, that I felt that I had to be in that position of an "objective" misery, so that my bad feelings would "make sense" to others. I couldn't be happy, so I chose a bad way. And not 100% sure that I won't go back there, even though I recommend it to no one.
07 Sep 2010, 5:03 pm
