Army Vs. Navy Vs. Air Force

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I was thinking about writing a story on the following premise.

The U.S. has to cut their defense and military budget and the president decides that in order to determine who gets funding they will have all the departments go to war with one another. So the Navy goes to war with the Army goes to war with the Air Force goes to war with the Department of Homeland Security (Coast guard). It's meant to be a comedy, just highlighting senseless destruction and loss of life.

Who do you think would win?

I was thinking at the end or something, after the military has destroyed itself China will come and invade.

Writing that sounds like a complete waste of time. Nobody with any brains would believe anything like that.

It might work if the president, and people in key positions were shapeshifting aliens, or robots.

Has the OP seen DR Strangelove?

If China displays a little patience, they may be able to take us without hardly firing a shot.

At the rate that we are spending money and going deeper and deeper in debt, the day will come when we won't be able to afford much of a military at all. If China builds up as they are likely to do, they may be able to threaten us with war in four or five decades and leave us with little option but to surrender to them.

Of course, by that time, China may not want us.

It probably is a waste of time, but its a fun waste of time. It's not supposed to be believed its supposed to be absurd like an Onion news piece or something. It seems to be a better premise as a video or computer game.
As for Dr. Strangelove or Why I learned to stop worrying and love the bomb. Yup, its one of my favorite movies.

I've talked it over with coworker Josh, we are both convinced that the Navy would destroy both Army and Air force, but that the Air force would put up a good fight.