Would like some feedback on my story

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So recently I've been trying my hand on a short story I'm hoping to submit to some kind of e-magazine, and while it is not near finished, I figured it would be helpful to get some constructive criticism now before I continue. If anybody could help to point out any errors or perhaps poor word choice or anything like that, I would be very grateful.

The file can be downloaded here.

If this is against any rules or people can't open the file for any reason, I could try to paste it directly into this post, though it seems I've had problems doing that on other forums as it screws up the spacing and makes it annoying to read.

Thanks in advance to anyone who takes the time to do this.

Great job, Boxy. It's well written and compelling. ^^

As for word changes:
"Some of them began to puke, adding to the already discolored beast with green or red liquid or chunks, dripping down its body and plopping to the ground."

"Puke" is really informal and should be replaced with vomit. xD But that aside, this is a fantastically gross sentence.

Thanks, Sparx.
Gross? Well I guess I try to be. I feel like I should go into more detail, but then I feel like I should do that in general, only it's a bit hard to discern what's over excessive and what line to cross before it becomes a bore to read. I suppose it's a matter of what to expand on and what's most crucial to the story. Anyway vomit sounds like an awesome word to use there, much more formalish.

I like to think of Ender's game compared to the hobbit detail wise as a way to show differences. The hobbit will have a page or 2 to describe a house. Ender's game will only have basic details so you will imagine it yourself, just depends on your style

Not that I've read either of those, but I think I've read others that are at both extremes. Stephen King's books seem to leave quite a bit to the imagination, only pointing out the really important stuff to do with plot points or whatever, whereas in others I've found myself giving up on some because the story just doesn't move along fast enough. Then again I guess I might be a bit biased towards the former.

Stephen King doesn't have much detail? A lot of his books are about 1000 pages

At least that's my interpretation. I guess it's been a while since I've read any of his books, but it felt more to me like much more time was spent on developing the characters and all their interactions rather than describing every little detail about appearance or where they lived, etc.