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quietowl
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22 Apr 2016, 6:34 am

I have had some terrible experiences trying to understand myself over the years, socially I'm not comfortable at all, never have been. I'm not rude, I actually think I'm quite considerate, if offend anyone I feel terrible straight away. trouble is, in conversations, especially group ones, it's like people are working from a hidden code which I don't know about. I'm trying to say things which seem friendly and positive, often because i like the person, but actually I don't come across how I intended. people often get the impression I don't like them, or they seem quite wary around me. this only really changes when I've known someone for like 5 years or so.
obviously this has been very hard work growing up, from the ages of about 10 to 16 I became isolated. I had a few girlfriends, and found this to be a lot easier than other types of company since it would be one on one conversation, and for some reason I found it easy to talk to girls. anybody else though, it was like I didn't understand the point of talking to people, people never say what they mean, I don't catch hints at all, people would confuse me saying one thing and doing another....
A massive change came for me when i first played the drums. my dad had taken me to a friends to try, as soon as i hit them the first time i got an overwhelming sense of excitement! after trying some basics and learning on the kit at my school, i was asked to play with a lad who had a guitar. I'd only been playing a few weeks, but I'd learned some good basics in that time, and he was quite surprised at what I could do. that was huge. I remember his face, when I played something and he looked at me and reacted to it, it felt like a whole new way of communicating, but one I could actually understand!
honestly after that I became completely obsessed, my family couldn't afford a drum kit or lessons, so I played on the schools drum kit EVERY night, and gradually got better, copying things I'd heard on hendrix, black sabbath and nirvana records. I ended up being asked to join the local brass band and concert band, and doing my first few gigs.. after my first gig i was on a high, i was doing something that people understood! I felt like I naturally knew what to do when I'm onstage, as soon as the music starts, I'm at home, I feel 100% comfortable, even when we're jamming, I feel I know what's coming next and it all clicks into place, the opposite to how I feel in day to day life.
I wanted to tell my story because it has been such an escape for me, such a relief to be able to interact with people in my own way, that I thought it might help others. I'm still on my journey, I'm in my late 20's, but already I've toured Europe several times with bands, and played some amazing gigs all over. more to the point, I'm doing something I feel comfortable doing, after feeling like I don't fit in a lot of situations, I found the right situation for me. if you don't fit your current situation, don't worry, there may just be a different path more suited to you just ahead:)
furthermore, this site is very valuable for anyone on the spectrum. I've found it helpful to read stories from others who have struggled, makes me feel less alone. the mental health support for this kind of thing is not good at all, I don't think it's taken particularly seriously and is very misunderstood. The public perception of anyone on the spectrum is even worse, people either assume you're actually retarded or you're the guy from Big Bang theory. so annoying, but I'm glad over the years I've managed to find my own ways round these things :)



BenderRodriguez
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22 Apr 2016, 10:17 am

Good for you, I really enjoyed reading your post.

"A life without music would be a mistake" (F. Nietzsche), and that sums it up for me.


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drlaugh
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23 Apr 2016, 10:23 am

Thanks for sharing about your entry into music.
I didn't discover it unto college.

45 years later it is still important.


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quietowl
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25 Apr 2016, 5:30 am

thanks guys. reading back I sound very self congratulatory, that wasn't my intention. I wanted to tell my story so that possibly other people might find their own escape



drlaugh
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25 Apr 2016, 3:53 pm

For me it is OK to share great moments or AHa's.

It's good for me and helps me connect to others - and them to connect to me.

Percussion is very important
In the few bands I have been in, the bass or drummers help musicians from making the band sound muddy.
Your post made me smile and brought back memories.
Keep growing in and out of music.


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