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UDAspie13
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02 Apr 2013, 9:56 am

I've been writing song lyrics for about 8 months, give or take. I'm looking for feedback on my songs? The site I use tends to lack the harsh criticism I'm looking for to improve my lyrics.

http://www.quotev.com/story/2840995/my-songs-2

Thoughts?



LookingLost
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02 Apr 2013, 11:14 am

Hi, sorry if i'm being stupid, but when I click on the link you gave, it takes me to an online quiz type site, where I can't see your lyrics. Is that right?


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Stargazer43
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02 Apr 2013, 12:03 pm

LookingLost wrote:
Hi, sorry if i'm being stupid, but when I click on the link you gave, it takes me to an online quiz type site, where I can't see your lyrics. Is that right?


Ditto. If you post them though, I'll be more than happy to provide the harshest criticism I can manage!



UDAspie13
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02 Apr 2013, 8:39 pm

Sorry, I memorized the wrong URL number... Oops. Right site, wrong part of it.

http://www.quotev.com/story/2840955/My-Songs-2/ that's the right link. Sorry about that.

Looking forward to some criticism!! !



Stargazer43
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02 Apr 2013, 10:46 pm

Well without any music to go along with it, I can only offer criticism of the lyrics themselves (sometimes the proper musical setting can bring even the most mundane lyrics to life...some food for thought)

I read a couple, and they all seemed to follow relatively the same pattern. What sort of style are you going for with them? I get kind of a superficial "pop" feel from most of them, and if that's what you're shooting for then I'd say they're generally fine.

But in terms of actual content, it seems to me like most of your lyrics meander around without really saying anything or making any points. This is my #1 critique of everything I read by far. There just isn't anything being said that really captures the attention or makes any unique/overarching points.

Additionally, and this is something that a lot of newer songwriters do that I don't like, you use a lot of allusions and metaphors without really backing them up or adding structure to them. Even one of my favorite modern artists, Bon Iver, is absolutely terrible about this (he writes some pretty amazing music though, even though his lyrics almost never make sense!). It's fine if you're writing the songs mostly for yourself or your friends, but it can be a real limit when shooting for broader appeal, and there's nothing wrong with being more direct in writing. If you want examples, I think that Paul Simon is one of the best at using metaphors in his songs. He has quite a few songs built around a central, repeating image that he fleshes out through the verses..."I am a Rock" is a really good example of one.

I think that your "Waterfall" has the best potential of the ones I read, but it just kind of goes on with too much repetition and doesn't really say anything new or anything that draws the listener in. Also, lines like the one about butterflies (just an example from this particular one, there's others similar in the other songs) don't really add anything, and could probably be replaced with either a more interesting statement or a more fleshed out metaphor. Just commenting about butterflies doesn't add anything unless you add a reason for why they should be there, by itself it isn't a strong enough image to hold it's weight.

That said your stuff isn't bad, but like anything it could always use some improvement. And don't take any of my comments too much to heart, I can be extremely critical sometimes but only trying to offer the best advice I can for improvement (not to mention I have kind of unique perspectives...not necessarily befitting the majority). Hope I was able to help some though!



xenon13
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02 Apr 2013, 11:50 pm

I suggest writing jingles for fake products. The lyrics for such songs cannot help but be quality.



puddingmouse
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03 Apr 2013, 7:25 am

xenon13 wrote:
I suggest writing jingles for fake products. The lyrics for such songs cannot help but be quality.


That sounds like The Who Sell Out (though that was real products, just fake jingles).

Jingles for fake products sounds like a good concept in a Pop-Art sorta way.

I would do it if my friend would be up for it. It's funny because it would be incredibly uncommercial music based on commercials. :lol:

I want to get some more 'real songs' written first, though.


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